School parent deliberately coughing on me every morning

[Happyluce]

A school parent keeps deliberately coughing on me. We stand outside the gates and then in the play ground waiting to go in and they don’t cough for all that time. But As soon as they are next to me they fake cough really loud without covering their mouth or they deliberately clear their throat really loud behind me. This keeps happening every morning. I feel like it’s a way of trying to bully me without speaking to me. What would you do?

There's usually two sides and in most cases on here we only get to hear the one. Or are we waiting for massive drip feed?

Well I believe you. It’s sad that other women here seem not to believe that men - or anyone - can be bullies.

”Why don’t you just…” It’s often very difficult to confront bad behaviour in some because it’s an awkward situation, and confrontation may cause an escalation.

OP could you mention this to someone in school?

A couple of things that may trigger someone to fake cough....

Do you vape? I know you said you dont smoke or wear strong perfume but vaping is just as strong/offensive to some.

Do you understand what personal space is? There are some people who dont appreciate others who dont seem to allow personal space. Maybe he is trying to point out in his own clumsy way you are too close. I know its pathetic but it seems he is making it pretty clear you are too close for some reason and yet......its happening repeatedly when you are in fact in control of being anywhere near him. Yes you need to get down single file corridors but it seems rather to consistent to be just you he is irked with. Have you mentioned to any other mums to watch out for him on your behalf?

Let him line up first!! It's not rocket science.

I feel like it’s a way of trying to bully me without speaking to me

Well I believe you. It’s sad that other women here seem not to believe that men - or anyone - can be bullies

I believe it is happening. But I also believe that a grown adult who believes another grown adult coughing in their general vicinity is bullying is making problems up for themselves.

If someone wants to cough in your general direction, do exactly as you're doing and ignore them.

As for mentioning it to someone in school Jesus imagine how pathetic you'd sound going to the head or whoever saying that there's a man in the playground who coughs near you and it's upsetting you, can you get him to stop? Surely they'd just refer you back to the Reception class you came from

Have PP RTFT?? It's not her perfume making him cough, she can tell that he deliberately stands close to her, he will move to make sure he is near her. This is harassment. You are lucky if you have never experienced men behaving in this way. It is not always out and out violence but can still be threatening and make a woman very uncomfortable while she's just trying to go about her business.

Eh? Of course people can be bullies but that doesn't mean that a random dad coughing in the queue is bullying the OP. They've never even spoken

Bullying or harassment need not be verbal.

I'd just really obviously move away from him. Like when someone is driving to close behind you, pull into a bus stop then fall in behind them. As soon as he stands behind you, leave the queue and fall in behind him. Either it's grating on you and you protect your feelings, or you don't as not to offend him.

I really couldn't care less in your shoes about offending him, you don't know him. Like I don't care if someone thinks I'm a weirdo pulling in,I care more about rear ended by a tailgate than thei feelings

Bullying or harassment need not be verbal

It does need to actually exist though and not be a figment of the OPs imagination

You think OP is imagining the coughing, @NotExactlySuits ?

She can tell, it is repeated behaviour, day after day. She is the one who is there and gets a strong bad vibe from this man. It is clear to her that it's directed at her and contains some level of malicious intent. Whatever happened to people trusting their instincts and believing women's experiences? This bloke knows it's difficult to call him out on it, that's exactly why he's doing it.

The very fact he always manages to be standing behind her bears out her suspicions, too… if it’s pretty much every day then that’s a bit beyond coincidence.

@Kewcumber has it.

Acknowledge the cough "Gosh you've had that cough for ages. Have you seen someone about it?"

You think OP is imagining the coughing, @NotExactlySuits ?

No. Not sure why you're being obtuse.

I'm saying it's a wild step to go from 'dad coughs in pick up queue' to 'hes deliberately seeking me out to bully me with his coughing' with no other evidence.

It's far, far more likely that he's just coughing

Turn round and glare?

Why do you think he is doing this? What’s the motivation?

Could be some kind of habitual cough ?

A tic

Tourettes ?

Maybe he fancies you. Idiotic way to try to initial conversation perhaps

No normal person I know would launch in with 'fuck off'. Most would sort of shuffle away. This is England after all

Tomorrow be sure to stand behind him and see what he does.

What about the fact that he always stands behind OP, even if she tries to avoid it, coughs at no other time, and doesn’t cover his mouth or otherwise try to muffle?

You have to turn around and say…

'May I offer you a cough drop, Dolores? '

When I read your title, I thought, “I bet this is one of the dads”.

I would take the above approach of pretending that he’s invisible. Don’t give him a reaction.

Are you wearing a face mask? Some people are very intolerant of personal choice.