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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to think that my sister is the golden girl, where my parents are cocerned?

53 replies

Overrun · 13/03/2008 12:01

I could bore you with a never ending list of incidents where I felt she was favoured over me, not that I keep count you understand

The lastest ones are as follows:

My Dad got a brand new BMW company car last year, and he is due to retire next year and needs to get another one before he does. So he wants buy the original one for his retirement as it is top spec and just drive the new one until he retires. The other day my sister mentions that he is signing over the car to her and her partner for a year as he can't keep three cars on his drive. They will have two cars between them as they are keeping their own car. They also don't have off road parking where they live.

I am a bit pissed off that I wasn't even considered for this, as I have to admit there is a shallow part of me that would have enjoyed driving a BMW occasionally when we didn't have the dcs with us. We have a big drive by the way, which would easily fit 3 cars onto it.

Incident no 2:

I phoned my Mum today to see what their Easter plans were, you know, did they want to come to us, or meet up. But no, they are going away for a long weekend with my sister and her partner.

AIBU to feel a bit put out, that these things are just decided without me ever seeming to be make the running in terms of being considered?

OP posts:

mrsruffallo · 13/03/2008 12:07

Just learn from it and move on - make sure you never have favourites

Lazylou · 13/03/2008 12:07

I can totally understand where you are coming from on this one as I hae similar issues with my parents (particularly my mother) where my brother is concerned. He is the laziest so and so ever yet gets money left right and centre (even though my parents are skint), is fussed around to the point where she still cleans his bedroom for him (he is 23 btw).

I went out to work at 16 whilst I was at college. He got his first proper job this year and was bankrolled all the way through and continues to be.

My brother and DH don't get on very much and there was a huge argument a couple of years back, stemming from my brother being totally rude and abusive to me and DH not tolerating it. My mum took my brother's side and made me feel bad because DH had stuck up for me. I still haven't heard the end of it as she periodically reminds me of the incident.

Is your sister younger than you? I find the youngest one always gets favoured (especially in our famnily). And yes, I know I should get over it and stop being jealous, but it pisses me off and I can't get over it.

So no, IMO YANBU.

Original poster

Overrun · 13/03/2008 12:08

I'll try Mrsruffallo

OP posts:

mrsruffallo · 13/03/2008 12:10

IMO these kind of things can be so hurtful and really eat you up- preserve yourself and stop seeking their approval/attention. That's what I did and am much happier now

Twiglett · 13/03/2008 12:12

Did you ask for the car? I'll bet your sister mentioned it?

Did you ask your parents to go away for the weekend? I bet your sister did.

Stop being a victim overrun

Original poster

Overrun · 13/03/2008 12:17

Maybe you are right about that Twiglett, but you see I didn't know about the car situation. They don't discuss things with me. They discuss things with her, her advice is of much more interest you see.

As for the holiday, well I expect they prefer a nice boozy long weekend with them, than having us and the dcs round for dinner

Hey ho

OP posts:

milkgoddess · 13/03/2008 12:46

aw overrun, i feel for you.
your parents are thoughtless pratts

Original poster

Overrun · 13/03/2008 12:49

thanks milkgoddess. I also just want to clarify something here as well, it has occurred to me that I might have come across as a bit of a spoilt rich bitch.
We don't have a huge amount of money at all, esp as I am a SAHM.

OP posts:

milkgoddess · 13/03/2008 12:52

its horrible that they didn't invite you along to there little easter do. i think mrs r talks alot of sense, listen to her.
would you feel able to ask why you havent been invited? or confront them in anyway?

expatinscotland · 13/03/2008 12:53

i would not want to drive a beemer.

Miaou · 13/03/2008 12:55

Hmm, I guess that's life really (sad but true)

I am one of three children and one of my brothers is most definitely preferred over my other brother and I. However IME it merely extends to being very critical of my younger brother and moaning about him, rather than direct favouritism (and I'm sure they moan about me to the favourite ds too!). That said, I think the favoured brother takes the piss sometimes because he knows my parents will do anything for him - he doesn't really appreciate it!

Maybe I am lucky that I don't care (I did when I was younger though).

Original poster

Overrun · 13/03/2008 12:57

I am going to put it behind me, until the first time I see my smug sister sitting behind the wheel. She is so excited

Expat, I probably shouldn't want to either, don't think I would either buy one, but can't deny its a smooth ride

OP posts:

cupsoftea · 13/03/2008 12:59

At least you're not wasting time with them - enjoy being with your own splendid family

Original poster

Overrun · 13/03/2008 13:07

Thanks cupsoftea. I will do just that

OP posts:

wiggleit · 13/03/2008 22:35

Hi everyone, can i join in? I too have a sister who is favoured over me all the time and it really gets me down. (she is the youngest) I have shed many a tear over things that have happened..toomany to list but my sis lives an hour and a half away from my Dad and I live 15mins away but guess who he visits regularly..He has been to our house twice in the last 18months and already visited my sis twice this year!! He's helpes her out financially loads even though she has a high powered job and lives in a 5bed house, whereas i have an ok job and live in a 3bed semi.Could go on but it'll only depress me! Think you are right cupsoftea about enjoying our own little family. x

southeastastra · 13/03/2008 22:38

i have three sisters. i get so fed up with hearing about how well the one that lives far away (hampshire) and is too busy to come and see him is doing.

AMAZINWOMAN · 14/03/2008 08:27

Overrun, I think you are being unreasonable about the car. You have two carsalready , why should you have three cars when your sister has one? Its fairer to give her the car and then you both have 3.

Do they know that you are upset about the weekend?
Maybe they just prefer getting drunk to being around kids all the time. Nothin to do with who thye prefer

Original poster

Overrun · 14/03/2008 09:00

Amazon, I only have 1 car, just a big drive And I think they do prefer having drunken weekends with them than spending time with my lot, but the favouritism does go much deeper than that.

Southeastastra and wiggleit thanks for sharing. I think there is something about sisters and favourites and competition. My sister truely in the golden girl, very slim, blond hair, she always appears in more photos of me when we are at family gatherings

OP posts:

EffiePerine · 14/03/2008 09:02

Maybe we need a support group for those of us with beautiful blonde sisters

Original poster

Overrun · 14/03/2008 09:03

Effieperine, I so agree

OP posts:

themildmanneredjanitor · 14/03/2008 09:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EffiePerine · 14/03/2008 09:07

Unfortunately, she is also really nice

(she's older as well. And taller)

ska · 14/03/2008 09:09

isnt it silly how we all revert to childhood rivalries where our parenst are concerned? i havent spoken to my dad since xmas because of an incident where he was really mean to my big sis by favouring my little sis. he always favoured her btw! and although i ama sane and rational human being i am still a big kid where my dad is concerned (my mum is dead). he gave my little sis my mums engagement ring about 2 hours after mum died as she 'has the only daughter. none of the rest of you managed to give me one' . i'd lost a baby by then and hadn't had my dd by that stage, - oh well, you could try to accept thatthis is just what they do and try your best not to perpetuate it in you r own family. after all they are your future

Original poster

Overrun · 14/03/2008 09:10

Mildmanneredjanitor - I can understand where you are coming from to an extent, but adults do get upset about feeling rejected. The parental bond even in adulthood is a powerful thing, and I don't think it makes me immature to admit to having feelings about this.

I think if I was letting it rule my life, or wasting tears and energy on it then it would be a problem. As it is, this is an issue that has been around for a long time, and for the most part I don't dwell on it. Just concentrate (as some one posted) on making sure I treat my own three equally.

These lastest events have just brought some emotions to the surface again, thats all. Are adults not allowed to get upset then?

OP posts:

themildmanneredjanitor · 14/03/2008 09:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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