To think I'm not made for modern life?

[thesoftlife]

And in fact, none of us are. It's so miserable.

Dragging myself out of bed when it's pitch black and freezing, putting the light on to get ready at 6:30am, scoffing down some microwave porridge and instant coffee to then sit in traffic. Get to work for 8am, sitting on uncomfortable seats under fluorescent light with strangers, being made to sit in one spot inside all day. Drive home in the dark, eat dinner, watch TV and go on social media as it's too cold and dark to want to do anything else.

I just find myself longing for a quieter, softer life where my time is spent with family and a local community, and instead of the clock and deadlines my time is marked by the sun rises and sunsets and season changes. As I got ready this morning I just felt like this isn't what we're made for. Lighthearted, kinda.

And having to break the ice on the water on your wash stand.

Not sure about all the comments about seeing daylight in premodern times. At this point of the year in the U.K, it would still be only 6 hours of full daylight and then it would be very dark I other than for fire and later candles. So I think overall, it would feel more dark without artificial light being available.

I’m also pushing 50 and have had a few kids, so there’s a very high chance in premodern times, I’d have died of disease or childbirth about 20 years ago. If not, I’d probably have seen one pr more of my children die in infancy.

Am clearly the minority here but was just thinking yesterday how much I love this time of year. Getting a walk in at sunrise and lunchtime and then home to hunker down in a cosy warm house with a candle and music. It feels lovely. I love summer too but always feel like I should be on the move constantly just because it’s bright. This time of year is a bit of a reprieve and a chance to take stock and reflect. IMO of course!

tbh I don’t feel like this at all but I use my commute time to read and listen to podcasts, enjoy my job and work in a nice office, go out on the evenings even if it’s dark and wet, and enjoy hibernating a bit in the winter so I can catch up with reading and TV. Life’s nice

I like your attitude @MrsRetriever

This time of year is a bit of a reprieve and a chance to take stock and reflect

Exactly @Wimbledonmum1985 - and a brand new year to look forward to.

I feel like this too. In fact today is my earliest start (leave the house 6.30) and I love the fact it’s still dark, it feels magical and as if the day is only for me.

Agree completely.

@penjil yiu sound like Kevin the Teenager. “People are the supply chain?” Er, yes, people are involved in getting stuff done. When you go to a hospital to get healthcare delivered, the doctor (a person) and nurse (a person) and pharmacist (a person) supply the healthcare to you. Fuck those cogs in that big ole wheel, eh?

all these posters with their country cottage seem to either think that all the things they need to live their rural idyll will be magically provided. Who builds the house you live in? Who services the boiler? Who makes your clothes? Who provides healthcare, dentistry etc? Even the posts of universal basic income - where does the money the Government gives you in UBI come from? Other taxpayers, that’s where.

OP - it’s interesting to me that you’ve been thinking about this since your early 20s but you selected a job in one of the most directly capitalist areas around - marketing. Hopefully retraining in a job that is more in line with your values will make you feel happier about your life and the concept of work.

Honestly OP it sounds a bit trite but you need to find what makes you happier and have that contentment within, regardless of what's going on, then you'll find you are happier whatever the circumstances.

Coffee - drink proper coffee. This is a must and is one of life's great pleasures. I enjoy my first coffee of the morning every morning - cold, wet, bright, sunny, grey, stormy. Whatever. I savour it and welcome the day ahead.

Commute - ok it's not ideal and I've hated commutes at times but if it's unavoidable try to think how to improve it - coffee, podcasts, books, catching up on email/texts with friends etc. Soaking in the view (mine takes me over the Forth and it always lifts my heart). Failing which try to WFH or work nearby if you really can't hack a commute.

Work - I do have an office job but it's interesting and engaging, I love some of my colleagues and enjoy being with them. It opens up opportunities for me to meet people and go places to an extent and I relish those. It's challenging at times and I try to embrace that. If I was bored or felt worthless I'd hate it, so would change. If I needed to be outside I'd explore how to do that. What's the saying - do you a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life 😉

Practice gratitude - enjoy the hot shower, the warm bed, the abubdance of choice at the supermarket, the fresh air, the choice of clothes, the working transport, the entertainment options we have. In the evenings you sit and scroll social media - I think we often do this far too much. Is there something you'd like to do instead? A reading challenge or learn to crochet or join a class or something?

I'm not saying modern life is perfect and we should be happy and grateful all the time. God knows I can be a miserable moaner at times, but no one can sit around waiting for changes or improvements to happen. Small things can make a massive difference and small adjustments in attitude can lift us.

I hate the winter ….. the short days kill me. I have a sad light. Walk first thing or at lunchtime - exercise in groups, at gym, meditate. But totally agree it’s a real grind …. Bring on spring and summer!!

I have interesting and fulfilling work, an excellent education, and the ability to purchase my own home.

There’s not a generation before me in my family that could say that. Just as hard working, just as intelligent, but without the opportunities.

I love modern life.

I suspect your biggest problem is the lack of meaningful work. 40 hours or more a week is horrendous if it’s nonsense paper shuffling or the electronic equivalent.

@stealthbanana

all these posters with their country cottage seem to either think that all the things they need to live their rural idyll will be magically provided. Who builds the house you live in? Who services the boiler? Who makes your clothes? Who provides healthcare, dentistry etc? Even the posts of universal basic income - where does the money the Government gives you in UBI come from?

I know it’s just so childish. It’s understandable that people are ticked off about their jobs and reasonable to question elements of the way capitalism works or how employers treat their staff.

But the way some people post about this you would think all you have to do is chuck it all in and run barefoot into the countryside with your children and everything will fall into place.

If you really don’t want to work or disapprove of work (because of not wanting to be a cog in the wheel, man), and you don’t have a trust fund, then the options open to you are:

• Be dependent on the state
• Be be dependent on a partner (usually a bloke)

Now obviously there are scenarios where that makes sense. But can we stop claiming that this is an optimal approach for everyone?

It’s neither possible nor desirable for everyone to stop working or downgrade working to the point where it’s meaningless. People who are in a position to do this are either very privileged or taking a big risk. Those of us who work and make the best of our situations are trying to be pragmatic. It doesn’t make us brainwashed robots.

I'm a natural morning person and work the morning shift at work which is a 12 minute walk from home.

Life is good, my natural rhythms are kept to. I feel invigorated by my morning walk, work in a community setting with loads of chat and contact with people.

If I have to cover an afternoon/evening shift I feel awful, absolutely shattered, takes me a couple of days to recover.

So I can understand those who are forced into the wrong patterns feeling crappy.

I agree. But actually work culture is generally much more forgiving now than it was 20 years ago. Working from home and flexible working was completely off limits for all but the most senior people until recently.

you are strawmanning and dismissive listening maybe a little gaslighting too. your comments belong in a bygone era- ironically. OP; you are allowed to feel this way 🫂

I'd hate it if i had a "boring" life too

As it stands, i get up at 5:30am, go to the farm to do my horses, and get to work for 8am. i leave at 5pm and go back to the horses, strolling in to my house around 8:30pm.

I couldn't imagine a life where i just went home from work, i couldn't bare not having anything to do all eve every day. That goes for summer or winter!

I love my job, i love it pays for all the fun things i do and own because of it and i love that a man hasn't had a say in any of it.

Absolutely. I grew up in the country and I genuinely thought that outdoorsy/farming vibe would be the life I'd end up with. It hasn't worked out like that really for various reasons and I increasingly feel disconnected from the life I do have because it's not the right fit for me. Need to fix it but it would be a huge upheaval for the kids so will have to wait until they are older.

Let’s get this straight: home ed only works if you can afford to lose an income.

I think the point of this thread is that many people would like to do this but can’t.

@Namddf

I think the point of this thread is that many people would like to do this but can’t.

Right? And that's fine if that's what people want to do (and if they can afford it and do it in a way which doesn't make them vulnerable).

But what ticks me off about this is when people who don't like their jobs feel threatened by people who do like their jobs and kick us for being "corporate automatons" or "robots" or having "Drunk the Corporate Kool-Aid" or whatever other teenage insult springs to mind. It's pretty reductive.

I can absolutely accept that working full pelt isn't for everyone and we're always being told that not everyone shouldn't have to do this for their personal validation. But surely that works the other way too. Some of us do like working and find it enhances our lives in a variety of ways and I'm sick of being told all the time that I must be boring or lack imagination because I enjoy working for a living.

This thread has made me cringe a bit with the privileged whining.

Life has always been hard for many people. I am not sure every second of the day was ever meant to be filled with joy.

Life has ups and downs. And always has done. There are worse things than living and working in clean and sanitary conditions.

Most people moaning here seem to hate their jobs. Mine is in the NHS: stressful but rewarding. I am lucky to be paid for a job I like I guess.

Rural life can be hard too. It’s painted as an idyll but it often isn’t. Esp with declining amenities. And it’s not great for teens often. The grass is always greener.

People in some parts of the world would be shocked that we aren’t grateful for the life we lead in the UK.

The biggest lie is that life is daily perfection. It’s not and there will always be hard bits. But we can create happiness too. And it helps if we don’t compare constantly and try and appreciate what we have a bit more. And accept that it’s ok for things not to be perfect.

Yes. Enjoying work and having a good ‘work ethic’ are seen as negative concepts by some. Like you are a faceless unhappy drone earning money for the Big Boss. When actually many people do enjoy their jobs. Camaraderie, job satisfaction and creativity. Work has been shown overall to be good for mental health too.

My kids loved school too and thrived there and have nothing but fond memories now they are at university.

We don’t all aspire to sit at home barefoot, educating our offspring away from the ‘modern world’. The world can work pretty well for many of us.

Yes, I think that, with all the gadgets etc at our disposal, society could move to a 4 day working week

‘Warning: my toxic trait is trying to convince everyone to home educate’

Cringe. You must really piss people off. Why not be happy with your decision? Why the need to evangelise?

@WasRobbed

Yes. Enjoying work and having a good ‘work ethic’ are seen as negative concepts by some. Like you are a faceless unhappy drone earning money for the Big Boss. When actually many people do enjoy their jobs. Camaraderie, job satisfaction and creativity. Work has been shown overall to be good for mental health too.

I know. It's also wildly factually wrong as well. A very large proportion of women who work work in the NHS, in teaching or in various other caring professions or in the charity sector. And of those who do work in "corporate" jobs (and the definition is so broad as to be meaningless) there's a huge variety ranging from literally wrangling spreadsheets up to incredibly creative and interesting roles or owning their own companies. It's impossible to generalise about what work is like, what it pays or what it involves. Each job is as unique as the individual who does it.

Yet a lot of people routinely tip up on these threads and say "if you like work you must be so boring/lacking in imagination".

I think to some extent this is a reaction to decades of propaganda about the importance of working from government and the huge rise in the cost of living. Some people do feel resentment about the amount they have to work and understandably so. Not everyone is best employed in working 40+ hours a week and if you'd prefer not to that's got to suck.

But this reductio ad absurdam argument that because I hate my job anyone else who claims not to hate their job must be a) lying b) brainwashed by the feminist mafia or c) stupid is just so insulting.

Have you ever met anyone who home schools who isn’t like this?

Lots where I live and they are all very evangelical about it. Sorry to say but they are also all a bit odd!