To think I'm not made for modern life?

[thesoftlife]

And in fact, none of us are. It's so miserable.

Dragging myself out of bed when it's pitch black and freezing, putting the light on to get ready at 6:30am, scoffing down some microwave porridge and instant coffee to then sit in traffic. Get to work for 8am, sitting on uncomfortable seats under fluorescent light with strangers, being made to sit in one spot inside all day. Drive home in the dark, eat dinner, watch TV and go on social media as it's too cold and dark to want to do anything else.

I just find myself longing for a quieter, softer life where my time is spent with family and a local community, and instead of the clock and deadlines my time is marked by the sun rises and sunsets and season changes. As I got ready this morning I just felt like this isn't what we're made for. Lighthearted, kinda.

I admire you but I wouldn't know where to start with home education and I'm not sure I would be particularly good at it. My kids would probably like it in the short term but then be desperate to go back. A bit like during lockdown. Fortunately though I am around for school runs and when they get in from school.

Which period in history are you saying you would prefer to live in?

I used to be very sceptical about universal basic income but I read more about it and I am actually totally on board now, for these reasons.

I'm not sure the OP is saying they want to live in another period of history, but that this modern life isn't working for them (or lots of us).

I'm also very interested in the universal income idea.

@penjil

That's how society has got you thinking. And it's wrong.

No-one was meant to be a wage-slave, least of all women.

That generation wanted it, because they didn't have it.

But now it's gone too far the other way, and we are robots for million pound companies that will replace us without a second thought.

People are the supply chain.

Speak for yourself. I'm tired of being told by people that I've been "sold a lie" because more women are in the workforce. And I'm tired of this melodramatic canard that all women who work are automatons in some huge capitalist conspiracy. It's so insulting and simple-minded.

First of all whatever you think of your job, it's undeniably true that it's better to have the right to be able to work than not. You can be hate your job and you can even chuck it in to be a housewife if you want because you have a degree of choice. That has not always been the case. Until the mid 1970s in Ireland married women in most circumstances not allowed to work. In the UK women were routinely let go from jobs after marriage because people thought they'd get pregnant and want to leave. You can bellyache all you like about it but in no universe is it preferable to not have the choice of having a job.

I also think it's pathetic that everyone who works is painted as being some spreadsheet-pusher. For starters the biggest single UK employer of women is the NHS. Which would cease to function without female labour. See also schools and many other caring professions. Women work in all sorts of roles from surgeons to market gardeners. Many of these roles are family friendly and by no means all of them involve being in an office.

And some of us have corporate jobs too and shock horror some of us like our corporate jobs. I like my job. It's well paid, intellectually stimulating and I like my colleagues. And it means I'm not reliant on anyone else to support me. So I'll keep my place as a cog in the wheel, thanks very much.

So by all means quit your jobs if they don't make you happy and downsize and move to the countryside and grow vegetables and look after children all the time. But stop pretending that it would be better if we were all forced to do this and stop telling people who enjoy their jobs that they've been "brainwashed" and "sold a lie". You don't speak for all of us.

This time of year is undoubtedly tough especially with dark commutes and a lot of time indoors. But as an adult whose standard of living is far far better than as a child, I am grateful every day for central heating, enough to go to supermarket each week, run my car, the security of a regular income, and the ability to plan for Christmas and beyond that for next Spring and Summers camping trips.

I don't intend to minimise anyone’s experience on this thread, I have very flexible working hours which help. But as the saying goes, if you wake up healthy and the ones you love are healthy too: you are having a great day. If nothing else, in a months time the longer days will be on their way back.

Paola is my favourite YouTuber too. I literally feel like I’ve come home watching her videos.
I truly wish I could live her life, I know I would feel complete contentment.

I agree with working/school hours to adapt around seasonal changes. Later starts and shorter days and a long winter break for us all because we are so knackered and there are so many bugs flying around we all deserve a long break kids included. Government funds us all with a break in autumn and winter in the sun because there is a vitamin D defiency issue so our health comes first so we can all choose a sunny destination to stock up on natural vitamin D. We all return back for spring happy and fresh. A nice sunkissed British workforce with refreshed kids all ready for school. Kids go school for longer in spring and summer. A new system that keeps us all happy ? lol.

I totally agree OP! I wasn’t made for sending emails and wearing pencil skirts, I was made for kneading sourdough bread with a baby in a sling on my back and a pie made of my own home grown apples baking in the oven.

I’ve done what I can in my life to create and embrace as much natural, slow rhythm as possible but it’s not easy when making money seems to require me to ensure strip lighting, dual monitors and spreadsheets!

Warning: my toxic trait is trying to convince everyone to home educate 😝

Firstly, in 2023 home educating is a walk in the park. Literally any information you or your child could want is at your fingertips.

Secondly, it’s nothing like home learning in lockdown. It’s a whole different way of life. Your children learn what they want when they want to. Learning is unforced and spontaneous which means they love learning.

Thirdly, you do not need to replicate school. You don’t need to follow a particular curriculum or set of standards or guidelines or anything. Local authorities just want to know a basic outline of what resources your children have access to (ie books, libraries, internet, online course etc) and that they have opportunities to socialize with others.

Fourthly, there is an ever growing large community of home educating families in the UK. There are endless opportunities to attend groups, workshops and online courses. There is support and help from the more experienced amongst us.

Also, research shows that home educated young people do as well and better than schooled children long term.

My final point is that you do NOT need to be a teacher to home ed your children. All you need is an internet connection and the ability to provide opportunities for them. You are a ‘facilitator’ of learning rather than a ‘teacher’.

Any questions feel free to PM me 😁

I agree OP, but the idea of living in a little cottage somewhere is really a luxury lifestyle. It might not be the Footballers Wives version of luxury but you need money to do this. Enough for a country cottage and some income even if you can supplement that through crafts or growing some of your own food.

I agree that you are really romanticising the past. Do you mean you're longing for a more rural life maybe? If so I think be careful what you wish for. Working on the land is incredibly hard. Getting up early, having coffee, going to my office filled with interesting lovely people beats the hell out of the alternative in my view.

Life is too darned short to live like this day in and day out.

I am retired now and often wonder how I managed to do all you are describing (although living in the country) and bring up 3 children and deal with a depressed husband and deal with irritable bowel - on the loo 10 times a day - and shop and cook 3 meals a day .... how the hell did I do it?

I jumped off the wheel at 50 and worked freelance in joyful activities: photography, youth arts outreach, running choirs and music projects - wonderful. Finances took a mega hit but quality of life rocketed. I have never regretted it.

If you want things to change only you can make it happen and it may involve risk - but I doubt you will lie on your death bed wishing you had carried on as you are till you retired!

I live a simple way of life and l am happy.
But others would be horrified no car, no tv, no holidays. None of that bothers me.
I work part time, have a beautiful garden, lots of cats and happily single.
That's enough for me.

scoffing down some microwave porridge and instant coffee

On this alone you need to reassess your life choices.

I absolutely love my office job. It’s creative and flexible, I can walk into the office and come and go as I please. Not all office jobs are miserable. It depends on the job you do, where you work and the people you work with.

I see both sides of this. Yes, we are far more likely to live longer, we’ve got better food, our jobs are less physically exhausting and we overall have a better standard of life than our ancestors but I’m not sure we’re evolved for the lives we have. This time of year feels so tiring, I think in an ideal world we’d live slower lives, be able to have daylight and have contact with nature.

We are lucky enough to have woodland and I feel myself really calming down when I walk through it, nature does help.

And then walking several miles to work!

Quite honestly, that's nonsense.

All of this.

sometimes i want to go and live in a commune on a farm.

I do the same. I don't want to get up but there is something refreshing and vibrant about the shock of the cold and the mud and the simple routine of caring for horses. Dog walking does the same to me but to a lesser extent. I just love horses

Agree, the simple life in a country cottage still needs to be paid for, it can be very expensive living a rural life, not many 29 year olds who haven’t been in the workforce for very long can achieve this.

From the article on global unhappiness/wellbeing:

After studying the 20% of people who report having a great life, Gallup finds they have five things in common:
They are fulfilled by their work, have little financial stress, live in great communities, have good physical health, and have loved ones they can turn to for help.
Perhaps that gives a starting point on how to turn things around?

For what it's worth I have just moved from the country cottage and I did it to make getting older easier. Loved the countryside but we haven't moved far. We are now living in a good community with good transport links in an easy to look after property.

This is my dream, but for now we grind