Sleepovers & Missing School? AIBU?

[Bomber1]

Hi,

I'm married to a very strongly opinionated and lovely woman (I am a bit of an alpha type as well, so you can imagine that dynamic :-) ). We have a 2 year old daughter whom is quickly growing up and we need to establish some ground rules for how to parent. Like every couple, my wife and I occasionally clash on how certain things should be done.

Sometimes I don't know if im being unreasonable or not.... Would love to get a little bit of insight from everyone here, especially the moms.

Context:
We are invited to a mid week wedding in the same city we live in. The following morning we will probably be dead from sleep deprivation.

1. Wife has unilaterally decided that our daughter will sleepover at her MIL's home so we can sleep in. I think ANY sleepover - irrespective of with whom and where - should be signed off on by the two of us, not a unilateral action. Even if I have no objection, I think this should have been asked by wife, and approval gotten. I feel like I was completely sidelined in this decision.

1. Daughter will miss two nursery days because of the wedding. This is because MIL won't/can't take daughter to nursery. I think loosing school days at whatever age to just sit in an apartment is not a good tradeoff for child development.

For the record, MIL showers daughter with love and is around very frequently.

Am I being unreasonable?

Isn’t her MIL your mother?
It’s not school. She’s 2!
Chill out and give her a few days with granny.

A MIL sleepover isn’t something I would get worked up over unless there are concerns regarding her suitability. Sounds like you would have said yes anyway.

Nursery is fine to miss, I wouldn’t be so happy if she was in school.

More can MIL cope with 2yo? If so time with grannie is great - do you like/trust your mum?

She’s two. Missing a few days of nursery won’t matter in the slightest

She's two. She'll be fine to miss a couple of days of nursery. It's not school. No-one will care.

Unless the daughter regularly stays over with your MIL, yes I think sleepovers should be agreed by both parents.

If a man told his wife that his two year old would be staying for two days with his mother, no discussion, he would be ripped to shreds.

On whether this particular sleepover should go ahead - why is your MIL unable to take your DD to nursery? If it's because she is too infirm, she isn't fit to look after a 2 year old all day. If it's just logistical - e.g. she can't drive and public transport isn't available, bit different.

I also don't understand why going to a wedding renders you both incapable of taking your DD to nursery the next day

ahhh no, she doesn't need to get permission from you for organising this and no at 2! it doesn't mater that she misses nursery. Relax a little! You are being uptight and unreasonable. Enjoy the wedding and the time together without the little one.

Surely your wife's MIL is your mother? Do you mean your MIL? If so, why wouldn't you want your kid to spend the night with her? Weird thing to get your knickers in a twist about.

Either way, you're being absolutely ridiculous to think that you need to 'sign off' the notion of your child spending the night with a grandparent and you are being even more ridiculous to think that two-year-old not going to nursery for two days is 'missing school'.

You sounded insufferable the moment you described yourself as 'alpha'.

What @ManateeFair said.

She's 2 so not at school.
It's day-care nursery at that age not "school" 🙄
You sound slightly over dramatic about something which is nothing (child staying the night with Granny - a normal childhood thing).

What a strange post.

So your daughter is staying at your mum's house for 2 nights? And will miss 2 days of nursery?

What is the problem?

Your wife sounds great - she’s made the arrangements and you have to be less thing to consider.

A few days off nursery with grandma? Excellent choice. It’s an education having interactions with a variety of folk.

Alternative mil looks after her at yours, and she do nursery run but will inevitably disturb your lie-in. What is your alternative suggestion?

It sounds like your wife wants a night just the two of you wink wink nudge nudge

If your child was actually missing school then you have a point. Nursery isn't school. It's optional. Yabu

God I miss the days when mine were in nursery and attendance wasn’t compulsory. Take advantage. You’re being really uptight. I’d feel micro managed if I needed to sign off with my partner a grandparent sleepover.

What an odd post-she isn’t at school?!

What the fuck.

A 2 year old is not goimg to miss out on child development by missing nursery to see her grandma.

I would probably have had a conversation about it but I don't think you need to ask you partner in order to make minor decisons for your child. Saying "I checked with your mum and she can have her overnight" is fine unless you usually have some big problem with your mum- it is a safe thing to assume is fine and she did tell you about it in advance.

It's no big deal, your wife has a great solution, go, enjoy the wedding

Shr isn't missing school. What's the problem with MIL?

You are being a bit over the top over a couple of days at nursery. I’m usually someone that is totally against parents giving their children time off school to go on holiday for many reasons, and even I think a couple of days off nursery is fine.

Your wife just wanted to enjoy a bit of time with you and made a simple decision that really shouldn’t be this controversial. If you feel sidelined then that is valid and you should talk about it, but remember what your wife was trying to achieve here and put it into perspective.

I don’t get it.

1. it’s not school. It’s nursery.
2. do you mean her mum, or yours? Either way, child is spending time with her grandmother?
3. how does one night at granny’s mean two days of missed school?
4. how one earth is one night of partying going to result in ‘being dead from sleep deprivation’?
5. what’s your alternative solution?

1. No. She sorted childcare as a favour.

1. SHE'S 2!! You're being ridiculous.

You think your wife should seek your approval before making decisions? You lost me right there.