Sleepovers & Missing School? AIBU?

[Bomber1]

Hi,

I'm married to a very strongly opinionated and lovely woman (I am a bit of an alpha type as well, so you can imagine that dynamic :-) ). We have a 2 year old daughter whom is quickly growing up and we need to establish some ground rules for how to parent. Like every couple, my wife and I occasionally clash on how certain things should be done.

Sometimes I don't know if im being unreasonable or not.... Would love to get a little bit of insight from everyone here, especially the moms.

Context:
We are invited to a mid week wedding in the same city we live in. The following morning we will probably be dead from sleep deprivation.

1. Wife has unilaterally decided that our daughter will sleepover at her MIL's home so we can sleep in. I think ANY sleepover - irrespective of with whom and where - should be signed off on by the two of us, not a unilateral action. Even if I have no objection, I think this should have been asked by wife, and approval gotten. I feel like I was completely sidelined in this decision.

1. Daughter will miss two nursery days because of the wedding. This is because MIL won't/can't take daughter to nursery. I think loosing school days at whatever age to just sit in an apartment is not a good tradeoff for child development.

For the record, MIL showers daughter with love and is around very frequently.

Am I being unreasonable?

If dd has never slept anywhere without you before, or hasn't spent much time with MIL alone then yes, wife should have at least discussed it with you first. If MIL is used to babysitting her and you don't have any concerns about her being able to care for your daughter then no, it's weird to need it 'signed off' just so you feel like you have been consulted. The second part makes no sense at all, she's 2 and it's nursery, what sort of development is she going to miss out on? If anything getting 1-1 care from MIL would probably be better than whatever she does in nursery.

There are so many serious problems that parents have to negotiate with each other every day, I don't hold out much hope for your marriage if you get upset by such non-events, unless it is just an indication of how very few serious problems you actually do have.

You sound nuts and a bit controlling tbh

So what's your solution to the problem OP? If you don't have one then you are BVU.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

You sound fun

Unclench and get a grip #controlling

Wife has unilaterally decided that our daughter will sleepover at her MIL's home so we can sleep in.

The alternative being a babysitter in your house until you get home from the wedding? Was that your plan? Had you considered the plan? Were you "sidelined" because your wife was just doing the organising?

I wouldn't be remotely concerned about missing nursery days.

Maybe he's worried that his child won't be at nursery the day they learn Verse Ten of The Wheels on the Bus.

I never checked with my DH about childcare arrangements.

He trusted me to make sensible decisions and to know our timetable and whether things would work

Unclench

Oh, and nursery isn't school. It won't make a scrap of difference

Alpha male= abusive dominating bully

Fixed that for you.

Please consider engaging in education about how to have healthy relationships. Anything from the this century please.

OP said alpha type, not alpha male. Maybe it’s a same sex partnership.

The whole thing is odd.

1. stop being such a controlling person your wife has to ask your permission to leave you daughter with her mother whilst you go to a wedding! Get over yourself she has sorted out an issue that allows you to go
2. your child is 2 missing a couple of days of nursery won’t hurt
3. if I was your wife and you were banging on about her asking you if it’s ok to send your child to her grandmother I would be telling you to piss off to the wedding on your own

alpha type = controlling twat

She is 2. Being showered with love 1 on 1 with her grandmother is likely to be infinitely better childcare than a nursery, even a good one.