Booked a surprise holiday

[reamha]

Me and DP have been together for about 3 years. In that time we have been on lots of holidays and trips, but only ever UK. I've always enjoyed travelling to new places and exploring but whenever we talk about a trip DP always cuts down suggestions of city breaks in favour of places where she can bring her dog.

I have continued to go abroad both for work and with friends but DP will never take up the invitation and I really miss exploring new cities and cultures with my partner. I love the shared experience and think it brings couples closer. Anyway for DPs birthday I have bought her a surprise trip to Venice. I knew it isn't somewhere she would immediately choose herself, but I thought as a nice surprise, with all the admin done she would at least give it a go. But she is flat out refusing to go and suggesting I take a friend instead.

I am really upset, I love her a lot but never thought when we got together I would be giving up foreign holidays totally. She has always said she prefers the UK and would rather holiday here, so I am not surprised. But I do think she should compromise and do the trips I want occassionally?

No. She wants to use joint household funds to pay for joint trips. She doesn't want to do solo trips.

Reading comprehension reverts to its customary MN low when there's a bit of OP-bashing to enjoy.

How do you know OP is a he?

Zero evidence that OP even has a cock. I suspect that assumptions about OP's sex have had a big influence on the replies on here.

she wont let me use our joint account for trips if it is just me

This is what the OP wrote, that I was replying to. It implies that OP wants to use joint funds for holidays that only OP will be going on, somehow OP finds it controlling that someone else will not part-fund their solo travels.

@Passepartoute I'm starting to think you are the op?

Gender is irrelevant. It was selfish of the op to book a holiday that the op's dp didn't want. For her birthday.

A separate issue is wether the op can be content with uk holidays. That's something the op will need to figure out.

I don’t think you necessarily need a cock to fit the definition of a cocklodger.

Clitorislodger doesn't have the same ring ....

Sorry but you messed up with the booking the holiday as a surprise and also booking her dog into Kennels. It isn't for you to decide you know better than her about what kind of holiday she would enjoy and I am not a dog owner but I would want to do major research into the Kennels before I would consider leaving my dog there. It must look to her that you picked your birthday present for you.

Long-term you need to sit down and have a chat. See if you can come up with a compromise regarding holidays. She cannot expect all the holidays to suit her and her dog. If she is not willing to compromise then you have a decision to make

You bought your partner a Homer Bowling Ball (as noted by an earlier poster) and you're aggrieved she isn't grateful?

Get your head out of your backside, OP. She has been perfectly clear that's not what she wants. No overpriced gondola canoodling for you, just accept that she likes different holidays from you and get her what she actually wants for her birthday.

And won't let me use our joint accounts if it is just me... well, obviously! Joint accounts are for joint things, not solo jaunts abroad with pals. She doesn't have to subsidise your travel plans.

Why is there such a sense on this thread that OP needs to compromise and enjoy the UK trips yet few seems to think the partner needs to compromise and do something OP enjoys for once? Not necessarily for her own birthday (I think it was misjudged rather than controlling actually) but she seems intent on her own way ALL the time.

No way I’d leave my dog in a kennels. Maybe she would feel more comfortable with a home boarder or someone she trusts. This is why she doesn’t want to go abroad, as she doesn’t want to leave her dog. I think you need to accept that or leave the relationship

But if she doesn't want to go abroad or use kennels, what's the compromise? There isn't one, really.

OP doesn't have to stick with UK holidays - they can travel abroad alone or with friends and family if it's that important.

Switch it on its head. If OP doesn’t want to go hill walking what’s the compromise?

The partner used to enjoy foreign holidays but now refuses to go because of a dog. That would piss me off too. Dh and I like different sorts of holidays, so we take it in turns to choose. If he suddenly declared that from now on he wasn’t going to go on any of my suggestions, and I’d have to find a friend, then I’d be reevaluating my relationship. Compromise is important.

I think your mistake was doing this as a birthday gift. Its not really a gift if its something they recipient wouldn't choose, although I can see where you were coming from.

I do think its wrong that your partner dictates all of your joint holidays.

I'd be refusing to go on the next UK holiday, suggest she goes with a friend (and individually funds this like you do your trips..I wouldnt want to fund half a trip that I dont particularly want to go on, I'd rather not go and have more money for the trip that I do want to go on) and have a discussion about compromise for the next joint holiday. If a compromise cant be reached, then I think you both need a frank discussion about whether you can be in a relationship where you dont holiday together, its unfair that you are always the one to have to holiday how your partner wants.

YABU and selfish. Your post is all about what you want.

And won't let me use our joint accounts if it is just me... Well, obviously! Joint accounts are for joint things, not solo jaunts abroad with pals. She doesn't have to subsidise your travel plans.

But she expects to use the joint account to pay for the holiday she wants and which OP is oh-hum about. However is not prepared to compromise ever to go on a holiday of OPs choosing.

OP you were totally BU to plan a surprise trip to somewhere you wanted to go, but knew your DP wouldn't want to go. Hats off to DP for standing her ground and refusing to go

Entirely your choice whether to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't wish to travel overseas, but totally inappropriate to try to force the issue with a surprise gift. Controlling