Booked a surprise holiday

[reamha]

Me and DP have been together for about 3 years. In that time we have been on lots of holidays and trips, but only ever UK. I've always enjoyed travelling to new places and exploring but whenever we talk about a trip DP always cuts down suggestions of city breaks in favour of places where she can bring her dog.

I have continued to go abroad both for work and with friends but DP will never take up the invitation and I really miss exploring new cities and cultures with my partner. I love the shared experience and think it brings couples closer. Anyway for DPs birthday I have bought her a surprise trip to Venice. I knew it isn't somewhere she would immediately choose herself, but I thought as a nice surprise, with all the admin done she would at least give it a go. But she is flat out refusing to go and suggesting I take a friend instead.

I am really upset, I love her a lot but never thought when we got together I would be giving up foreign holidays totally. She has always said she prefers the UK and would rather holiday here, so I am not surprised. But I do think she should compromise and do the trips I want occassionally?

she does control what I do from the pov that she wont let me use our joint account for trips if it is just me so that does limit me quite a bit compared to when we both holiday as then I can use the household pot.

That’s not controlling- it’s normal! Why on earth should she pay for your holiday? 😂

You bought a present for yourself then.

Horrible of you.

If it's not wanting to leave the dog or afraid of flying (which she could be hiding from you), how about a ferry to France?

Yes, she could explore the French countryside and coast instead of the UK. A good compromise.

I do get that travelling with friends is not the same as a romantic break if that is what you want, but she is refusing to meet the OP even half way.

I would never leave my dog in a kennel. So that's a rubbish job of "sorting it".

@Passepartoute he wouldn't be posting if he knows what she liked

You don’t sound compatible. No matter how much I loved my partner, I couldn’t stay with someone that didn’t like to travel and explore new places and whose holidays were dictated by a pet. This is obviously important to you, OP (as it would be to me). You need to decide if this lack of compromise is a deal breaker.

I think the comments that the OP loves their life together (not that they love their partner) and that they are restricted on the number of trips that can happen abroad because the OP would then have to pay for them fully is very telling.

they think their partner is “controlling” because they won’t allow free access to the family pot for their solo trips. I think the OP just wants their partner to go so they get more holidays.

the OP is a cocklodger and isn’t going anywhere

He said that “ he loves her a lot” in the OP. Zero evidence he’s a cocklodger.

OP just being nosy, but did you pay for this birthday gift from the household pot or your own funds?

I assume the answer is for you to refuse UK holidays then you can both decide what is most important to each of you - getting your own way or compromise.

I think OP is getting a hard time here. I'm on his side; he booked what he thought would be a cultural and romantic trip away and the partner - who used to travel abroad - now flatly refuses to go.

I would love my partner to surprise me with a trip abroad. I have to organise and book everything. The flights, the hotel, the taxis, the euros, the checking in, the fucking weather, the lot. A suprise for once would be lovely.

Fortunately we don't have a dog.

Where has everyone got it from that OP is a man? I actually think it's a woman going by the comments they have said on other threads

I do too.

Apologies for having used male pronouns in my post.

Doesn’t matter if OP is a man or a woman.

OP, it’s very unreasonable to use a birthday as an excuse to manipulate someone. And that’s what you’ve tried to do.

Your partner is entitled to decide what she does and doesn’t like. A good present would have been a UK break that is dog friendly - showing your commitment to her and to her happiness.

This is just a way of trying to get what you want via the back door - and to be able to act hard done by if she doesn’t want to do it.

You need to get her another present she does like and take this holiday with a friend.

I can see both side of the story here. I think that your girlfriend is reluctant to leave her dog in a kennel even for a night at first for them to get them use to it. She won't see if anyone who knows the dog will mind them. She is not willing to make any comprise at all. I know dog owners and they do go away but they find a good kennels or get someone that knows the dog to mind them. They are not going away for a long time either.

I can understand that she does not want the using a household budget for holidays.

I think that long term you and her are not compatible. You want to be able to go abroad to see new places and do things. She refuses to do anything about the dog and tells you I want stay in the UK so I can bring the dog on holidays.

I think after booking the holiday to Venice and how she reacted it's shown up how she really feels. I think at this stage I would be considering if you stay a couple.
I tell her now not to buying you anything for you for Christmas. If she asks why say to her will when you won't go abroad with me on holidays what does that say about our relationship?
I think it time she saw that you are not happy with the fact that she is not willing to make some compromises re traveling abroad.
To me all relationships require compromise and a bit of give and take on both side. When the bad times come it nice to have some memories or be in a position once X improves we can go to X or y on a break.

I think it's a woman as well. Doesn't make any difference anyway.

Holidays are like sex. I would only want a person going on holiday with me to be really enthusiastic about it. I want them excited about it not some dreary compromise. How completely unromantic a break it would be if you know one of you is doing it because they felt obliged?

I can just imagine DH's face if i told him i'd booked us a lovely romantic break away to a luxury spa ....

Or mine if he'd booked a lovely break for both of us to a week long scratch DJ event .....

I guess the flaw with my sex/holiday abroad analogy is that it'd be an unusual situation to be free to say ''i'll just invite Dave and Shirley from the bridge club instead then ...''

YABU for booking a trip she didn't want.

YANBU for wanting a partner who travels with you.

Break up, you're not compatible.

I think giving a holiday as a gift is a wonderful idea, BUT you should have spoken to her about where she might like to go. Whether that's abroad, a UK city break, or whatever. If travelling isn't her thing, it's unfair to try and force her hand.. but then it's also up to you whether you can be in a relationship like that.

I completely get the frustration about travel as I have this with my DH. But, for that reason I didn’t book a trip abroad for his big birthday, which I did consider, as I thought it would really be a present for me.

I didn’t go abroad while I had my dog either.

Our dog happily went into kennels pre covid. The first time we tried after covid he was physically sick, shaking and hyperventilating and soiled the kennels continuously. He was so upset that they had to phone us to come and get him. We will only go away now if we can take him with us, or if a close family member can look after him.

You shoulda’t have booked kennels or booked a holiday you knew she didn’t want to go on. You were trying to guilt trip her into doing what you wanted to do.

Either go on holiday abroad without your partner or move on.

You're not compatible. Her dog takes priority in her life.