My daughters don't want me

[Greedybilly]

I've been so sad for a few weeks now Partly because I feel so unwanted bu my kids - both teens - both have jobs and friends which is great obvs but no time for me! I just occasionally want to have a cuppa/watch tv - god forbid a day out or go shopping or to the pics. They just don't ever take me up on my suggestions and it hurts. I'm genuinely pleased that they have lives etc I just feel sad that I'm not on their radars. Any words of wisdom?

The price of successful parenting. They will come back, just keep busy until then. And it's ok to feel sad but you will adjust!

Op my daughter same and age wise too. We dont do coffees either. My friend has said gets better in their 20s! I find they quite absorbed at 17. I did meet her few wks ago as wanted see her college campus so we had coffee.

I was fiercely independent as a teenager. Wanted very little to do with my mother, other than have her taxi me around! 😂
Now, in my 40s, we're very close. Go on a little 'girls trip' together every year. I see her most weekends.
Things will change as they get older, I'm sure.

Once I hit my teens I don't think I spent any "quality" time with my mother. I just wanted to be with my friends to talk about all the things we had in common. I saw my mother at dinner, or lunch and dinner at the weekends and that was it. If I was spending the weekend at my best friend's house I saw even less of her. It would never, ever have entered my head to "hang out" with her, go for a coffee, go shopping etc.

Is there anything they (or either one of them/ separately, which could be better for various reasons) want to do?

sport’s game, laser tag, comic con, fleemarket, concert, rock climbing (indoors, in winter)?

but I agree with pp. Waiting for them to grow up - and not pressuring them or creating an environment where they consider time with you spent as an obligation - might be best.

but you are definitely still needed. You have created an environment where they feel secure enough to go out and explore the world.
you (their parent/s) are the rock that continues to make this possible.

I actually had a very close relationship with my mum during my teens but it was based more on a lengthy chat when I got in from school (probably partly homework avoidance but I did enjoy it) rather than hanging out at the weekends.

I definitely wouldn’t have done social activities with her at the weekend - except maybe clothes shopping if she was paying!

It's hard when they're this age, I really didn't spend a lot of time with my parents, was always out with friends! They will come back to you and appreciate you again, hang in there! I used to bribe my boys with a trip to town to buy clothes & video games when they were teenagers just to spend a bit of time with them! And lunch because teenage boys are always hungry 😂 be proud that you have raised such independent and sociable young women 🥰 hugs to you lovely 💐

The only answer is if you can’t beat them join them. Get your own local friends (ie other women also binned by their teens) and do fun things with them.