To wonder where 'christmas pressure' comes from?

[Freshair1]

Just...
Say...
No!

I mean, it's that simple! Am I being unreasonable to struggle to understand the absolute tizz people get themselves into? Who cares? It's like the mythical, judgy mums hoopla. Who are these real people who feel compelled to toss aside reason??

You are unreasonable to 'not understand' that people get themselves worked up.
Different people feel different pressures, and some have less ability to fight against those pressures.

Agree though there is often too much pressure (social media, TV etc) to do everything at make it all perfect.

Not really much pressure overall for me, but I do feel a slight bit, maybe more guilt than pressure because last year we were in a position to do a little more, both in terms of gifts and some outings. This year we can't and I do feel a bit crap about that, but the eldest knows we just can't this year, and I think the youngest is too slightly too small to notice (he's 3)

If I could go back we wouldn't have done as much last year

That's advertising. Not pressure, tho.

Tbf we save all year but our Christmas tends to include a holiday somewhere as we home Ed

Really? You can't understand that people come with different upbringings,personalities, circumstances,lifestyles etc which mean that not only they have certain pressures, but also can find it hard to say no?

Pinterest makes decoration seem very easy. The ads with happy families in matching pajamas can make one feel very insecure. It’s important to remember these are all highly paid actors, especially the dog.

Just say no?

And leave MIL with dementia on her own.

I think you’re being a bit disingenuous here op.

is there anything you feel an expectation in? Career, education, material objects, manners, kindness?

Because that's the choice. Er, no. It isn't.

I buy as I go. My family is small. I’m just lucky!

I’m 50% with you, OP (and 100% on mythical judgy mums).

I do feel sympathy for people who feel pressure to spend a lot of money they haven’t got in order to give their children a “proper” (ie expensive) Christmas. I don’t however feel much sympathy for people who react to anyone doing anything outside their exact personal experience as if that person must be judging them. Honestly, most people have barely noticed your existence, they’re not judging your Christmas decorations.

It comes from all around doesn't it? Everywhere you look. TV adverts, supermarket aisles filled with food in christmas packaging (even a loaf of bread), school plays and all the activities, elf on the shelf, it's all of it. Even just the talk in the office, the 'are you ready for christmas?'.

The expensive xmas trees, and turkey. The cost of it all and wanting to provide a good christmas for your family.

Because people love their families and don't want to let them down?

That includes young children and wider family.

I opted out of our sibling secret santa this year, (I'm glad I did because none of us need anything and it's a complete waste of time and money) but I still feel a bit guilty.

But in general I'm trying to move towards a 'protect your peace' style of living and the more you say 'thanks, but no thanks' it gets easier every time.

It's internal. People do it to themselves

Pressure comes from relatives, first and foremost.

And then social media. Everything has to be perfect.

I realised last week that "Christmas magic" is actually just women exhausting themselves and tying themselves into knots for their children, trying to replicate and better the "magic" that the adult women in their lives did for them when they were small. It's like the housing price crisis, it's an artificial bubble that has to end somewhere. That magic comes at the costs of women's domestic labour and I'm going to try really hard to show my grandkids a different type of Christmas that isn't so reliant on the labour of women. And it's going to start this year with their granddad wrapping all of the presents and cooking the Christmas dinner for the first time ever.

It does seem a bit childish to get so worked up, and it gets a bit tedious. I've definitely lost my patience for Christmas Martyrs over the years. I quite like shouting Christmas! Is! Ruined! and pouring them a drink.

I don't get myself in a tizz either, I have lots of Christmas stuff I do, but if I didn't want to, I wouldn't.

I can understand how others might feel family pressure or whatever, even though my family likely wouldn't be that arsed!

Some of us are trying to capture a magical feeling of being good enough, or having the perfect happy family, just for one day of the year.

Yes it's all advertising and bollocks and collective delusion. Doesn't make it not hurt.

Well done you for not feeling that way, seriously, it must be nice.

YANBU.

The hysterical, competitive consumerism at Christmas is ridiculous. People who get themselves into debt to pay for it and Christmas martyrs who get stressed out about it are idiots, and have only themselves to blame.

This may apply in your family. In mine, the cooking & most of the present buying is done by the men. Just how it is.

I know I'll get grief but even people. Putting trees up in November add to the hype. I love Christmas but it's a few days of fun not some six week marathon.

Instagram "perfect" houses and Christmas outings don't help.

There's definitely potential for guilt if you don't go on stacks of Christmas experiences and make a whole hoo haa!!

The inner voice is. That causes of that inner voice more often than not, are external.

Crazy consumerism. Social media has lead to many people feeling the need to show off or compete. Other go along with it all.

It has all become much worse in the last 10 years. The amount of decorating, trees up by mid-November, so much spending.

No one should get into debt to try and keep up with the Jones or to try and prove they love someone.

That’s nice to read, quite refreshing really, but I suggest that’s unusual and that it’s women who do most of Christmas, whether need to or not.