To wonder where 'christmas pressure' comes from?

[Freshair1]

Just...
Say...
No!

I mean, it's that simple! Am I being unreasonable to struggle to understand the absolute tizz people get themselves into? Who cares? It's like the mythical, judgy mums hoopla. Who are these real people who feel compelled to toss aside reason??

It’s hard to fight back against turbo charged Capitalism urging people to buy, buy, buy and selling the lie that acquiring more stuff will make you and your family happy.

I’d recommend Beth Kempton Calm Christmas podcast to lots of people on this thread. It’s VERY Christmassy but all about ways to resist commercial pressure and stress and plan a Christmas that reflects what you actually want it to be, with a big emphasis on saving money, appreciating the natural world and developing your own personal rituals and traditions.

We're all different aren't we? Nobody can force you to buy stuff. Nobody can force you to participate. I like spending time with family, eating a roast. That's about it. I just absolutely cannot get behind the ridiculous facade of it all.

I do like Christmas dinner so very much! And silly hats and carols and lights. I enjoy it a lot; I do feel badly for people who can't seem to and get so vexed. At the same time, isn't it a bit silly to get so vexed ?

Is the trees-up-in-mid-November thing post-pandemic, because everyone did it in 2020? It feels very new to me, but maybe some people have done it that way forever and just been outside my bubble (I'm more used to shopping centres decorated from Dec 1st and trees either going up around then or when schools break up/xmas eve).

It’s not that easy if you have a family you love but who will guilt trip you, or children relying on you to create the magic. Of course it’s not actually illegal to refuse to do any of it but that doesn’t mean it’s simple.

No it's a choice, people can just say no it is not rocket science and not everyone else's fault including tv/social media or whatever else people choose to blame

I hate threads like these, it feels so disingenuous when people claim not to understand where pressure comes from/it's just a roast with family/no need to get worked up. Do you all generally struggle to sympathise with other people generally or is it just when it's Christmas related?

If you don't come from, or have a happy family yourself, you can find yourself feeling under pressure to make it perfect. If you've had a lot of bereavement or a hard year, sometimes you can feel the pressure to make things nice for your kids.
My dad is dying, I've been doing a 4 hour round trip to help with care for a year, and my relationship with my mum has never been easy. My in-laws have health issues of their own. I'm dreading Christmas and already feeling stressed about making it nice for my own young kids, especially when everyone around me seems to be effortlessly having a lovely time. But hey, maybe I should just say no and not be a martyr right? 🙄

A young colleague of mine said something very thought-provoking last year. "The only stress or pressure we have is what we make ourselves."

But just because these things exist, it doesn't mean you have to buy/do them if you don't want to.

'Christmas' can be exactly what you want it to be. I enjoy having time off work, being able to go for a long walk each day, seeing Christmas lights, watching TV, seeing friends and family a bit, when I want to that is. We buy some nice food and drink more alcohol than normal, but that's it.

You don't have to do elf on the shelf, get a new expensive tree each year, buy all the crap in the shops if you don't want to and it doesn't fall into your definition of 'a good Christmas'. So don't. It really is that easy.

Exactly.

(Those who have to deal with difficult circumstances like distant relatives who need care would face these pressures Christmas or not, it's nothing to do with Christmas).

it would be fine if everyone was as cool, calm and collected as you but the Christmas frenzy isn't on the basis of reason and logic.

I don't suppose the people who decorate their houses like this every year have a clue about moderation!

The thing is even a very pared down Christmas is still extra work however you look at it.

I wouldn’t say I’m under pressure, I’d just say it creates extra work when I’m already v busy.

Sorry, but this is one of the stupidest replies Ive ever read.

Can you genuinely not see that a holiday widely perceived to be happy, family oriented etc can make your own difficult situation seem worse? Dealing with carers, dementia etc is much harder over the jolly festive season than one random Sunday in July 🙄

I think pressure is both external and internal.

External pressures: family being nobs, keeping up with the Joneses', cost of living, taking on too many things

Internal pressures: social status guilt (single mum making up for no dad or parents who were poor as kids trying to make sure their kids 'don't go without' like they did and then totally over doing it), poor planning and budgeting making it much harder than it needs to be, inability to say no even if it's reasonable to say no because of politeness.

I find social media shows the posited - that it's simple things that make the difference. The hot choc with marshmallows, Xmas cookies, simple stockings, Xmas movie nights and books, a few simple decorations, a few gifts under the tree.

Maybe it's the people I come across but there doesn't seem to be pressure to be extravagant.

I’m sorry but that sounds like something only a young person with very few responsibilities would say. Pressure comes very strongly from the expectations of children and often from elderly parents too. Being in the squeezed middle is not easy at Christmas.

Exactly we're all different, so you really can't understand that someone might have a difference life/circumstances to you and that they will feel stressed/pressured?

I think the one I've never got over is the Christmas Day expectation of it being 'amazing' and perfect hygge. Except you have a nice day opening presents, doing dinner and it's lovely. Not amazing or extra special memorable but lovely.

And then you hit the mid after / early evening lull when it's just meh. And someone starts snoring on the sofa. There's shit all on TV until 8pm and then it's the over hyped crap.

The best Christmas's we've had were during lockdown when our friends came over and we did pizza and had fun rather than just getting annoyed by relatives.

But yeah hallmark fantasies don't help. Families are not from a Christmas movie.

I don’t really watch much tv or go on social media. That helps! I always make the house look lovely which I enjoy, book a few festive trips out (not really any effort) and buy the dcs what they want (again no effort, all ordered online). I don’t really like cooking so the last few years apart from the turkey and mash everything is pre-prepared, shove in the oven stuff from Waitrose, all desserts are pre-prepared - you won’t catch me topping up the brandy daily in a home-cooked Christmas pudding or glue-gunning bits of silver-sprayed holly to a diy wreath. You can buy everything ready done if you want to. No need for so much fuss - I think some people just enjoy the drama of being stressed over Christmas.

I remember one year when I was younger working in an office full of women who all one by one started crying whilst telling their tales of woe regarding Christmas and how stressful it all was - having to choose between visiting auntie Bertha or cousin Harold and the like or having to go on multiple shopping trips (this was pre-internet shopping tbf). I remember just sitting there in stunned silence whilst they all dissolved into tears and thinking maybe it was just because I was younger. But no, I still don’t get like that. I am not a massive drama queen though like they all were!

I felt like shouting “Just don’t do it then you fools!”

People place these daft expectations on themselves.

Christmas here is some presents for the children and a roast dinner. That’s it. We have no wider family.

We don’t stress over presents. Just start ordering form amazon or buying the odd bit from facebook marketplace from end of october.

Dh just cooks a normal roast.

People always ask me if I am really busy and stressed at christmas. I must have been doing it wrong all these years.

Stick a tree up, buy some presents cook a roast. Maybe a christmas concert at the school if they are doing one. I don’t get all the running around being stressed.

He gets incredibly moody at christmas though as he’s somehow built it up as this magical thing when actually, it’s just a day with well, presents and a roast. He’s disappointed every year and I just let him get on with his sulk now.

I agree @Charles11 . I used to be in a job where I was at work most Christmases. It meant that we celebrated at different times and took a lot of the pressure of 'the day' away. I loved that and continue it now. I have sod all spare cash and a teen that understands that. I do feel a pang that he can't have branded things, but I am grateful for everything we do have. Today we made a Christmas pudding from scratch (still waiting for the blasted thing to finish steaming!) and I drove him mad telling him about ancient pudding customs. It'll probably be terrible - we don't care!
I think the older I get, the less I am worried about what people might think, the more I learn that I have everything I need, and I am truly blessed.
Thinking of those who are struggling - I do understand.

Again though, can you not understand that other people's pressures might be different? I'd quite like to be able to just buy a few presents for the kids and do a normal roast. Describing people as "running around being stressed" is so fucking patronising in some cases. I'm probably one of those people. I'd absolutely love to know what you think I should be doing differently? We need to visit my parents on Christmas Day, which is a longish drive there and back (probably my dad's last one and my mum in her 70s is knackered with all the care) and then at some point see MIL who is alone and unable to travel. Which is another 500 mile round trip, no spare rooms there so staying over is tricky. But yeah, I should probably stop putting pressure on myself and just chill out with a normal roast 😂😂

My mum.

Christmas pressure comes from my mum. She wants a perfect Christmas Day.

The only pressure I feel is that my DCs aren't getting the same amount as their friends. I just cannot understand how or why people are spending £500 on each DC, blows my mind.