I’m 36 F. Partner is 36 M. We both have 2 DC each mine 13 (f) and 11 (m) and his 9 (m) & 7 (f).
DP has a stressful long hours job and I work 4 days p/w in an equally demanding job (which I love) we both share care of our kids with ex partners. We have been together for 5 years and planned to live together by now, I bought a 4 bed house in preparation of this last year. DP & my DD don’t get along as of recently, and he is spending less and less time at my house, avoiding her, putting me in the middle of arguements. He now doesn’t want to move in because of this. He doesn’t agree with my way of parenting, he thinks I have no control, I think I just have teenagers!
DP doesn’t prioritise me and my children but I constantly help him with his, I take his DD to brownies once a week, if my kids are at their dads I watch his son play football, I shop for them, cook and clean for them and liaise with his ex when he finds it hard. I organise all our days out, buy all the birthday and Christmas presents and organise the family holidays. I don’t earn a lot, but I’m really savvy and make use of second hand websites for things we need and want as I end up paying for everything. I also sell things on to pay for new.
we’ve never had a holiday abroad together, anything I want to organise I do it myself without his input-as he says he hasn’t got to capacity to do it.
I really wouldn’t mind doing all this because I know he finds it harder than I do, but I don’t feel that I get anything back from him.
Today, I had to work and my kids dad is away. I don’t have family close who can help. I had asked my DP to help take my son to football. Last night he tells me he is helping his uncle with some building work, and that my son would have to be dropped off and left at football without anyone watching him! He said I hadn’t asked him for help-when I know I did otherwise I wouldn’t have said my son could play knowing I was at work! Then he has now ducked out of our evening plans to see my sister saying he is unwell (man flu)
AIBU to be upset that he’s let me down again and am I wasting my time trying to build a life with this man? I am really worried if I left him, that his children would be worse off and I have a close relationship with them which would break my heart to lose, I’m also very close to his mum and we lost his dad earlier this year so I worry about the affect on her too.