To think this is inconsiderate of my DP?

[Hotdogstarfish]

We've lived together for a few years, not married, and this is something he does every so often.
He won't tell me he's going out, I'll just get home from work and he won't be there.
This afternoon whilst at work, I asked him if he was available tonight. He said, yes I am, want to go out? I said yes that would be nice, I'm a bit skint but would like to (even if it's just having a night in together).
I texted him when I was on the train home, no reply.
Got back an hour ago and he's gone out. I texted asking where he'd gone and no answer. I know he'll be out drinking with friends and no idea what time he'll be in.
I just find it so rude when you're living with someone to go out and not even say you're going or anything, I'd never do that to him. As I say it isn't the first time.

YES.

He has no respect for you and it won't change because he's getting to do what he wants with little consequence.

He's choosing his friends over you every time.

You deserve someone who wants to be in your company, not someone who doesn't even have the decency to keep to the plans you made and fucks off out to God knows where.

Nah, get the fucker in the bin.

Yes I'd call it a day. Complete arsehole behaviour thank god you don't have kids with him.

I don't live with my partner and look at it this way, it's like him just not turning up. You'd tell me that was unacceptable right?

You're right, I would. It's just that he was out until 2am last night too. It's ridiculous.

Back in the day when I was dating, this was called 'being stood up'. The date just doesn't show up for the planned meeting, with no explanation.
It was always a completely unforgiveable thing (bar hospitalisation or similar).

You've been stood up.

I would.

Don't lose your cool OP.

Just calmly tell him when the lease is over you'll be striking back out on your own. Chin up, good to know he's an arsehole now before you married him and had kids.

Bullet dodged.

Get back out there with your friends and family. Be with people who actually care and show you some respect.

Yes you should leave him. His behaviour is completely unacceptable and disrespectful.

You should leave him, but if you need to financially then I would just cut myself off emotionally from him and leave in February. For example, on Christmas Day, I would go to my mother's without him. he is rude and inconsiderate and selfish and will not make a good life partner for you. You deserve so much better.

Do you think he says he's free when you ask so that you don't make plans to go out yourself with friends OP?

His behaviour is awful and I think you should use the next three months to organise yourself so that when the tenancy is up you're ready to run for the hills from this relationship. You deserve better.

If you stay together you’ll live a life never fully relaxed as you can’t count on him.

That isn’t any kind of way to spend a life.

Are you happy?

How easily could you make yourself happy?

If there is anything past relationships have taught me, it's that you shouldn't stay with someone who repeatedly proves they have no respect for you.

Not only have you spoken to him about this before (and really, I think it's important to have time with your own friends but "just let me know if you won't be home" is not a big request!), he's done it again when he had made plans to spend the evening with you! Thats the biggest "fuck you" he could have given you in response to you telling him what was bothering you!

@Hotdogstarfish

That's really shitty and a low blow from him

If it's not the first time and you e spoken about basic respect with him before and he still pulls this shit I would be moving out

No kids involved and your still really young.

Don't tie yourself down to a forever disappointment at your age.

Life's too short

Let him be a disrespectful rude twat as he obviously doesn't seem bothered and find someone that worships the ground you walk on

The going out/seeing friends wouldn't bother me but the No heads up would. I'd also be considering if this was what I wanted long term .

How is he affording to go out drinking do often, and holding down a job?

You might think you’re being harsh, likely because he’s minimised his behaviour and made you believe you are, but let’s look at what he’s doing. He’s communicating with his actions that you’re so unimportant to him that your plan to spend time together was an option not a priority, and that he can’t take a minute or 2 to check in with you and reply to a message he read. Please don’t build a life with someone like this, and especially don’t have kids with someone like this.

Treat him as a flatmate from now on. You don't need to tell him where you are, you don't need to answer the phone or reply to messages (sound familiar). No sex and give notice in the flat so you can move out in Feb.

When you’ve confronted him in the past, what have been the consequences for his poor behaviour and lack of basic consideration and respect shown to you?

If, as I suspect, there haven’t been any, then I would guess he’s taken the view that either it doesn’t really bother you that much/isn’t that big a deal for your relationship or that even if it does upset you, because it’s never led to anything happening before, it’s not a deal breaker and therefore he feels green lit to carry on doing it with impunity.

Now, you could be petty and start doing the same thing to him - see how he reacts when the shoe is on the other foot. But honestly, I’m with PPs on this. If this is repeat behaviour, I doubt he’ll be willing to admit how poor it is, never mind change it, so I would encourage you to get rid and find someone who will show you manners, respect and courtesy.

Agree with this.

You said in your first post abbout going out that " I'm a bit skint but would like to (even if it's just having a night in together)."

So he's out drinking at least 3 nights a week, whilst you presumably are at home, saving money.

What's the finances like. Do you share bills equally? Is he paying his fair share .. or are you subsidising?

Neither of you is very young so your clearly not his priority. If this happened even in dating I wouldn't have stayed. My hubby maybe goes out once a month and me the same and we always check with each other plans. But mostly other times we do it together it's more fun. As for the skint I remember when we were dating a couple of times I said I don't think I will come out and he was like don't worry I've got you and off we went. Now married and all finance's are together and no problems

OP don’t settle
You can do better

I put up with that crap for to many years

So disrespectful

Leave

Do you feel harsh because that's what he says when you bring these things up? It's so rude and inconsiderate. I would dump him

So disrespectful, especially when you were making plans as a couple too. I would not put up with this behaviour