To think this is inconsiderate of my DP?

[Hotdogstarfish]

We've lived together for a few years, not married, and this is something he does every so often.
He won't tell me he's going out, I'll just get home from work and he won't be there.
This afternoon whilst at work, I asked him if he was available tonight. He said, yes I am, want to go out? I said yes that would be nice, I'm a bit skint but would like to (even if it's just having a night in together).
I texted him when I was on the train home, no reply.
Got back an hour ago and he's gone out. I texted asking where he'd gone and no answer. I know he'll be out drinking with friends and no idea what time he'll be in.
I just find it so rude when you're living with someone to go out and not even say you're going or anything, I'd never do that to him. As I say it isn't the first time.

You deserve far better than this, op. If you want children, I am begging you to leave this man. Please do not have a baby with him. What you see now is just the tip of the iceberg, with both his behaviour and his drinking.

I'd go out and not come back... for a week.

But I am a petty fucker when enraged in this manner, it is SO fucking rude and SO unnecessary too AND he'd agreed to go out WITH you anyway so... what the actual fuck!

So you’re not a pair of teenagers. He’s so incredibly disrespectful op. He’s not thinking about you at all. This guy won’t change.

It's an incredibly rude thing to do. Even more so as you'd arranged to do something together.

It's incredibly rude. It shows clearly that he thinks of himself as a single man and that when you're not there,you barely exist in his head.

Something to think about... I'd wager my house your boyfriend would never blank one of his mates the way he does you.

Don't have a baby with him. Imagine getting home after a long week at work, picking baby up from childminders and finding him just out, leaving you to do all the childcare all evening and most of the weekends he nurses a hangover. Not appealing!

Well it's fine if it's within your boundaries, but I suspect not. it seems rude and inconsiderate. If you were thinking about having kids with this man I would think very hard again because this behaviour very rarely improves when more stresses are introduced

I always feel like I'm being 'too harsh ' which is an issue I need to work on.

I think you're under reacting to be honest. He isn't just not telling you about his plans. He is making (fairly loose but still) plans with you. Then binning those off without telling you. Then ignoring you. None of that is ok. He can't claim he forgot if you were only chatting about those plans today. He is treating you as a back up option

He's now read my where did you go and not replied to it. Great. Couldn't even take a second on his night out.

I think you are under reacting OP.
This is extremely rude and inconsiderate behavior.
Seriously who just fucks off and doesn't bother telling their partner, particularly when you had made plans.
If you want children leave now and find someone better.

This isn’t a partner, you sound like a couple a flat mates.
Although, to be fair you wouldn’t plan to go out with your flatmate even. then leave them hanging.
This guy is selfish and thinks only of himself.
I doubt he will change, well not for you anyway.
Dump him while you’re still young enough to find someone else.
That would be my advise…..

Actually even if you don't want children I'd leave and find someone better.

Come on now, op. Get rid of this loser. If you refuse to demand better for yourself, no one else will on your behalf. His actions speak far louder than any words ever could.

It’s not really rude. It’s just him showing you that he doesn’t care at all about you or your feelings. Listen

Should I leave over this? Given that he's done it a few times?

YES. That's what all of us are trying to get through to you.

Why are you even asking that? If you don’t know the answer you need to work on your self esteem. A lot!

Yes of course you should leave!
He’s disrespectful. Mean. Inconsiderate and selfish.

We’d all be out of that door as soon as we could. Move on and stop letting him make you feel diminished.

Absolutely I would dump him over this. You have no future if he treats you like this. Thank god you’re not married or have a child with him .

Actually, scratch my previous response.

I'd change the locks when hes out, dump his stuff outside and when he reappears, claim you don't know him, he doesn't live there, you've no idea who he is and can he fuck off before you call the police please.

(Only assuming it is your property and legal to do this).

You owe him nothing, he has zero consideration for you, you're a flat mate who does some housework and provides the occasional shag, he doesn't view you as a partner at all!

Wow, why would you put up with this, it is incredibly rude, he binned you off and didn’t even have the decency to tell you

Why would you stay with someone who can't even be bothered to tell you where they are after your plans unilaterally?
It sounds as though he is choosing to spend his time out drinking with friends repeatedly rather than spending time with you.
You don't need to leave tomorrow but making exit plans that work for you seems sensible.

Thank you for helping me to see. We rent together and the tenancy runs out end of Feb, so it means paying 2 rents, but what choice do I have? I can just about afford to rent a houseshare for a couple of months I guess. Sadly no room at my parents as they've downsized and I have a younger sibling, don't really fancy the sofa.