To send this text?

[idontgive]

Met a man at an event 6 weeks ago, hit it off. We had two good dates and lots of texting in between (my schedules been so busy just with time of year and kids so text for two weeks before 1st date then another two for 2nd and another 2 before meant to meet for third today).

So today we had arranged to meet for lunch for a third date. We were texting as normal up until Tuesday where during our conversation he abruptly just replied, 'cool' no kisses etc which isn't normal. So I naturally just let convo end there.

Heard nothing since and lunch today came and went. I had to confirm the date last time so thought I'd leave it up to him.

Should I text him something like, 'well that's that then, have enjoyed chatting with you past few weeks. Take care' or is that just pathetic?

I do think he's a nice guy I just think probably too much time between dates and lost interest. Or is it better to just delete his number and not give him a text?

Where were you supposed to meet for your date? Perhaps he turned up? Men are usually more casual with conversation, in my experience and don’t necessarily need confirmation.

Then I'd go with something like 'I'm disappointed you didnt let me know the lunch plans had changed. Just so there's no misunderstanding, that sort of behaviour isn't what I'm looking for, so we won't be in touch again. All the best'

but you both went silent?

assuming you didn't actually arrange to meet at x place at x time today, i would have just texted last night to "see if we are still on for lunch" and found out.

not sure he is the bad guy here, when neither of you did anything about meeting up today.

Wow, that's a a bit flouncy. If I were him and received that, i'd be bullet dodged.

OP, just leave him be. If he does come back, mention he didn't reconfirm the lunch. If not, life continues. Not all dates end in happy ever after, things can fizzle after a few meets.

Why would you suggest a woman telling a man directly that 'that's that' and why, which is what OP wanted to do, is having some sort of tantrum?

It really isn't necessary for women to put up with men blowing hot and cold with them. There's plenty more where that one came from.

I wouldn't text him. Just forget about him. It shouldn't be this difficult at the start of a relationship.

I wasn't saying that to be a dick by the way. I'd happily spend an entire date talking about my cats

Dating is a minefield.

I think I would've messaged before the date though, to see if it was on. I do know people who would've just turned up at an agreed time though, with zero communication beforehand, so it's unlikely but not impossible that he turned up for lunch.

I wouldn't block. I wouldn't respond.

Then when he does searching through his phone for casual sex you get to ignore his message

Don’t message just let it go x Don’t chase him! Or send anything that makes you look stroppy. If he was interested he wouldn’t want to let you go, by not confirming and by not replying he’s willing to let you go x Don’t spend anymore time analysing this x Something better is out there for you x

Did you actually decide on place and time for the date? Maybe he thinks you've ghosted him?

If not, why didn't you just text beforehand and ask where / when he wanted to meet?

(Dating was much simpler 30 years ago!)

When you say lunch date came and went, did you turn up to the agreed time and place but he didn't, or did you no show?

Soooo he text you last, you haven't replied or got in touch to check date details....but he's the arse who has flaked off?

What? Urgh I'm glad I'm not in the dating world. Things have changed 🤣

This is what I'm bamboozled about. I don't actually see what he has done wrong!

Did you miss the part where on Tuesday he changed his messaging pattern to something that was dismissive? It seems pretty obvious that on Tuesday something changed for him and not following up on the arrangements for lunch is part of that. Women complain regularly on these threads about the rudeness of men who go cold for no apparant reason (often followed by a return when whatever was distracting them doesn't work out) Yet when we have an OP who finds it unacceptable and wants to say so, people are trying to persuade her she's in the wrong. If everyone just puts up with this, never calls it out for fear of sounding 'stroppy' or 'flouncey' (like anyone should care what a guy they're never going to see again thinks of them) or worse still, sits around with their fingers crossed that he was 'just busy' or 'expected you to contact him' then it's never going to change.

I didn't say she was having a tantrum.

And it's not woman vs man.

It's basic manners. If anyone starts trying to tell me off- I'm not going to accept that behaviour, I'm disappointed blah blah at the start of a relationship, platonic, romantic or even work, it is a sign there is no compatibility. You don't get to tell me off because I choose not to engage further.

Maybe his wife found your messages.

He's not married. My brother knows him and we are Facebook friends.

@idontgive Did you actually reply to the 'cool' or did you just stop texting him? If so maybe he thinks you were not wanting to speak to him any more? Nothing wrong with saying 'cool'!!

I didn't reply as there was nothing to say and to be honest I'd been asking the questions so if he wanted to he could have asked one.

In that case, it doesn't sound like he was rude and I agree with others, maybe you could have texted to ask if lunch was still ok. But then, so could he.

He MAY be feeling that you just went away when you didn't reply. If you like him, send a real friendly text and say something about missing lunch yesterday and if he doesn't reply, then yes, just forget him

You are getting some really bad input on this thread OP. Presumably from people who have no idea what it’s like to date in 2024!
”cool” was definitely a dismissive response, designed to shut down the conversation. If he was interested in continuing , he would have made an effort to say more or ask a question.
Dates always need re confirmation the day of , or at minimum the night before. You were right to follow your instincts and leave it to him to confirm this time, given that you did it last time, and his dismissive lack of interest in the conversation you were trying to engage him in. The fact that he did not reach out again tells you all you need to know.
I wouldn’t text. Dignified silence is the best way to go I think, and I would block him for closure for yourself so that you don’t wonder if he’s going to get in touch again x

So you made a lunch arrangement. Did you show up? Maybe he showed up if you didn't? That would be the end for me, if I got stood up without a good explanation.

Once every two weeks is a lot less than most people would want early in a relationship. Maybe he's not feeling it or wants someone with more time for him as a couple? It's only been two dates, so it's obviously not worked out.

Stop with games. Just text and ask if he wants to meet anymore since the lunch date was missed. Job done

I thought this. Maybe he was there and you stood him up. He thinks you are the one who’s doing the ghosting.

Because maybe you were supposed to confirm the details of the date, and you didn’t, maybe he is sat there wondering why you have ghosted him?