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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister hanging out with my ex?

79 replies

guessagainnn · 23/11/2023 21:40

AIBU in this situation, or do i just go along with it and not over think?

Me and my ex partner separated around 5 years ago, it had ended poorly on my part which i take responsibility for completely. I have since moved on, have a partner and 2 beautiful children.

My sister who is much younger than me bumped into my ex (who i should add was very much a big part of our family when we were together) and have since been meeting up and going on days out etc. Its not uncommon knowledge to know that my sister had a major crush on my ex when we were together, not sure if she still has those feelings. However after their outing today, he was invited back into the family home and spent a few hours with my parents like 'old times'. Barring in mind he must have felt a tad bit uncomfortable with photos of me, my children around etc.

Anyway, AIBU to think that this is a bit if a strange situation, how do i even deal with this? Or should i just accept it and leave it as its not my business?

OP posts:
MintJulia · 23/11/2023 21:49

He wouldn't be the first man to be attracted to both sisters.

If you've been separated a long time, you've clearly moved on. There's no reason why they can't see each other, although it must feel odd to you and to your parents.

PhantomOps · 23/11/2023 22:15

This reply has been deleted

This is a previously banned troll so we've removed their posts.

Allfur · 23/11/2023 22:19

Well I guess she can't help who she falls for but....there are a lot of other fish in the sea

Thisisworsethananticpated · 23/11/2023 22:20

The most adult thing would be to accept it
leave it
and keep a healthy distance !

who even knows If they will go the distance

Nocturna · 23/11/2023 22:42

This is crazy and totally out of order. How will it be when she brings him to family get togethers including you and your DP??

redalex261 · 23/11/2023 23:03

It is a bit creepy and awkward I think. Did you and he date for a long time or was it a short lived teen romance? If you were both pretty young and it was not too serious then perhaps you could get past the weirdness. Hopefully it will fizzle out and there will be no damage to your relationship with your sister.

Original poster
guessagainnn · 24/11/2023 06:47

We were together for 6 years...so it wasnt such a small amount of time. He was my first, and for unneeded context if they were to continue he would also be my sisters first...its all a but odd to me lol

OP posts:
Ohtobetwentytwo · 24/11/2023 06:53

I'd let it fizzle it. Its so embarrassing for them. Just leave them to it.

Ohtobetwentytwo · 24/11/2023 06:55

She probably feels like shes winning somehow because of sibling rivalry or proving how she is the pretty one or something because he has picked her.

For him, theres probably a part of him enjoying the idea of getting back at you so I just wouldn't rise to the bait. However weird it is!

VanityDiesHard · 24/11/2023 17:58

Nocturna · 23/11/2023 22:42

This is crazy and totally out of order. How will it be when she brings him to family get togethers including you and your DP??

Why is it out of order? I would feel differently if the OP had children with her ex, that could get messy, but she does not. I think she needs to suck it up unless ex was toxic.

VanityDiesHard · 24/11/2023 17:59

guessagainnn · 24/11/2023 06:47

We were together for 6 years...so it wasnt such a small amount of time. He was my first, and for unneeded context if they were to continue he would also be my sisters first...its all a but odd to me lol

By 'your first' do you mean the first person you dated, or the first person you had sex with? If you mean the latter, you don't absolutely know that to be the case with your sister, surely?

purplehue · 24/11/2023 18:01

What age is your sister and ex?

Nocturna · 24/11/2023 18:34

VanityDiesHard · 24/11/2023 17:58

Why is it out of order? I would feel differently if the OP had children with her ex, that could get messy, but she does not. I think she needs to suck it up unless ex was toxic.

Show quote history

If you can’t see what’s wrong with this then I’m glad I’m not your sister!

mrsjareth · 24/11/2023 22:04

I find it a bit creepy tbh. You say she’s much younger than you, it’s not a stretch to say she’s much younger than him. If he was your first, im guessing you were young getting together, which would make your sister a small child when she knew him. I find it really icky that he could potentially be dating the sister of his ex that he knew as a small child! It’s very odd in my opinion. How old are they both?

Allfur · 24/11/2023 22:07

It's out of order if it causes any pain to any of the people involved

MrsCarson · 24/11/2023 22:13

Neither of them are very smart it seems. No boundaries there.

KezzaMucklowe · 24/11/2023 22:13

So how old is your sister and how old is your ex ?

Nopenopenopenopenopenope · 24/11/2023 22:16

It is strange. But it's more common than you'd think.

asvand · 24/11/2023 22:21

it had ended poorly on my part which i take responsibility for completely

What happened?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 24/11/2023 22:23

It's very strange. What has she said about it?

SamW98 · 24/11/2023 22:26

My girl code is always that some men are totally off limits and those men are the exes of friends and family.

This would only be vaguely ok if they both had a conversation with you first but otherwise it just goes against every boundary I would consider normal.

BlueGrey1 · 24/11/2023 22:35

I personally would find that very uncomfortable if I was in your position but there is nothing you can really do about it, they are free agents.

Historically what has your relationship with your sister been like?

Nicole1111 · 24/11/2023 22:36

It’s definitely questionable and against girl code, let alone sister code. I’d try and make a light handed joke about it next time you’re all together. Something like ”am I on an episode of this is your life”. I wouldn’t seriously challenge it at this stage though, I’d just sit back and let it unfold. If it turned in to anything inappropriate I’d be speaking to your parents about why they are supporting your sister’s questionable actions

InWalksBarberalla · 24/11/2023 22:41

I think it depends on the ages of your sister and your ex - is it getting into creepy territory.
If not I'd not see a huge problem - sounds like you dumped him and have well and truly moved on, so I don't necessarily think it's against the girl code.

BlueEyedPeanut · 24/11/2023 22:42

It's not wrong I suppose. You weren't married and don't have children. It was just an early relationship. But yeah its weird that he wants to pursue something with an ex's sister and weird that your sister doesn't have the ick about being intimate with a man who has been intimate with her sister.