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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister hanging out with my ex?

79 replies

guessagainnn · 23/11/2023 21:40

AIBU in this situation, or do i just go along with it and not over think?

Me and my ex partner separated around 5 years ago, it had ended poorly on my part which i take responsibility for completely. I have since moved on, have a partner and 2 beautiful children.

My sister who is much younger than me bumped into my ex (who i should add was very much a big part of our family when we were together) and have since been meeting up and going on days out etc. Its not uncommon knowledge to know that my sister had a major crush on my ex when we were together, not sure if she still has those feelings. However after their outing today, he was invited back into the family home and spent a few hours with my parents like 'old times'. Barring in mind he must have felt a tad bit uncomfortable with photos of me, my children around etc.

Anyway, AIBU to think that this is a bit if a strange situation, how do i even deal with this? Or should i just accept it and leave it as its not my business?

OP posts:
Katiebaby3009 · 24/11/2023 22:43

YANBU it’s really weird. It doesn’t even need saying that friends and families exes are off limits- what is your sister thinking?! I’d be really upset if I was you, regardless of the fact you have moved on.

Novelhelp · 24/11/2023 22:44

I don't think its that unusual to be honest.
In a way they got to know one another as 'friends' first.
I know somebody whose boyfriend passed away (at a young age) and she married his brother.

Messymaker · 24/11/2023 22:45

The thought of even sleeping with another man that has been inside my sister would be enough for me to never cross that line. Some people are so loose in morals and are completely distasteful

Kwer · 24/11/2023 22:55

It feels icky.

I think the reasons it feels icky are…

…Does your sister like him for himself, or has she just always been competitive with you and wants to ‘win’ by taking the guy she always thought of as yours?

…Did he fancy your sister when you were together?

…Does he even genuinely like your sister now or is he just thinking it could be a way to get back in touch with you (or worse get his own back on you)?

Just all a bit icky. It’s extremely dioyal of your sister to not ask if you were ok with it before they started dating, which presumably they are if she’s bringing him back to your parents.

LadyLolaRuben · 24/11/2023 23:20

I think its strange that your parents entertained your ex with another of their own daughters

Hibiscrubbed · 24/11/2023 23:28

guessagainnn · 24/11/2023 06:47

We were together for 6 years...so it wasnt such a small amount of time. He was my first, and for unneeded context if they were to continue he would also be my sisters first...its all a but odd to me lol

Rank.

DontBeSoPrude · 24/11/2023 23:35

Hibiscrubbed · 24/11/2023 23:28

Rank.

Show quote history

THIS.

WTF is wrong with your sister, your ex and your faffing parents??

This is so utterly bizarre and weird.

Poinsetta2023 · 24/11/2023 23:43

It’s very odd imo. My sister married my ex husband, I had my suspicions something was going on with them when I was married to him. I left him and surprise surprise 3 months later she left her husband, six months after that they were together. It broke our family. I was expected to sit at Christmas dinner with them and, of course, I was the unreasonable one when I declined the invitation. I spent Christmas Day on my own that year and decided to cut all contact with my family the following February. It was the betrayal by both of them and the lack of understanding on why I was so hurt by my parents that led me to make that decision.

It’s a very difficult thing to comprehend and go through @guessagainnn.

Poinsetta2023 · 24/11/2023 23:48

LadyLolaRuben · 24/11/2023 23:20

I think its strange that your parents entertained your ex with another of their own daughters

Some parents can see no wrong in this situation, mine never. My sister was always the favoured child though, maybe that had something to do with it? I’m actually so glad this thread was started, it makes me feel I’m not alone and this has happened to someone else. All my friends thought it was weird, yet my parents and my other sister acted like it was a normal thing to do.

Berlinlover · 24/11/2023 23:56

I know someone who married her sister’s ex, these things do happen.

BlueGrey1 · 24/11/2023 23:58

@Poinsetta2023

God, that sounds awfull, it’s hard to believe one sister would do that to another, a ‘friend’ doing it would be bad enough….but a sister!
.
I suppose what could your parents really do about it though, they were stuck in the middle and your sister probably wouldn’t have listened to them anyway

Poinsetta2023 · 25/11/2023 00:06

BlueGrey1 · 24/11/2023 23:58

@Poinsetta2023

God, that sounds awfull, it’s hard to believe one sister would do that to another, a ‘friend’ doing it would be bad enough….but a sister!
.
I suppose what could your parents really do about it though, they were stuck in the middle and your sister probably wouldn’t have listened to them anyway

I was told she was probably a better wife. My parents had a choice to make, they had three daughters, they could easily have supported us individually. They chose to exclude one daughter because she wanted her boyfriend at the to be there who had been married to her sister. I know what choice as would have made.

SkySecret · 25/11/2023 00:10

@Poinsetta2023 that does sound quite a different situation where your sister and husband were probably up to something behind your back then immediately got together when your relationship was over, and she left her husband for him.

This is just an ex, sounds like the reason for the end of the relationship was OP’s fault, not the ex having done anything wrong (maybe he was even the hurt party here?) so no reason for the parents to dislike him, and it’s FIVE YEARS later, when the everyone has grown and moved on.

Amybelle88 · 25/11/2023 00:11

It's all well and good encouraging you to be the bigger person as you've moved on etc etc but it's fucking weird and most people would agree.

Your sister seeing your ex? Knowing you've done the deed with him and potentially gearing up to it herself?

Weird as fuck.

BlueEyedPeanut · 25/11/2023 00:17

I'd be tempted to mess with her a bit.

"Sis, if you want any tips, I can tell you what things will make his toes curl. Oh! Also, tell him to do the thing with his tongue. It's amaaaazing. I LOVED that."

Good luck to her getting that mental image out of her head.

User3456 · 25/11/2023 00:49

It is weird but there's not much you can do about it.

Nofilteritwonthelp · 25/11/2023 02:03

Sounds like everyone has moved on, especially you if you have two kids so I'd just ignore it and not let it phase you. But I find it super ick to have sex with multiple family members, more ick for her than him

Toenailz · 25/11/2023 02:06

It's weird and inappropriate as fuck, and your sister and ex are making an absolute show of themselves.

What a pair of embarrassments.

There's literally zero shortage of the opposite sex. Your ex and your sister clearly have an axe to grind. Cringe.

Toenailz · 25/11/2023 02:10

Actually, thinking about it. I suspect he's using your sister to fulfill every (seedy) man's fantasy of shagging sisters to make him feel like Don Juan. Has it never occurred to your sister to consider his motives? Or her own, for that matter?

She's acting like a mug, but I'm sorry to say, deserves it. Doesn't matter how moved on you all are, there are some lines you don't cross because they're gross, weird, inappropriate, and ill-considered.

ChlorrOfTheMask · 25/11/2023 02:12

Poinsetta2023 · 24/11/2023 23:43

It’s very odd imo. My sister married my ex husband, I had my suspicions something was going on with them when I was married to him. I left him and surprise surprise 3 months later she left her husband, six months after that they were together. It broke our family. I was expected to sit at Christmas dinner with them and, of course, I was the unreasonable one when I declined the invitation. I spent Christmas Day on my own that year and decided to cut all contact with my family the following February. It was the betrayal by both of them and the lack of understanding on why I was so hurt by my parents that led me to make that decision.

It’s a very difficult thing to comprehend and go through @guessagainnn.

I'm so sorry this happened to you and for the lack of empathy from your family x

SnoozeToMe · 25/11/2023 02:55

That’s gross and your sister especially is so out of order. Did your parents know they were going round or did they just turn up together? If they didn’t know then maybe they were being polite and will speak to your sister later about how wrong it is.

honeysuckleweeks · 25/11/2023 03:43

My old next-door neighbours wife died. They were in their 60's. Within 3 months he had married her sister! It is definitely a thing. I suppose if you are attracted to one sister then maybe you are attracted to the other? Weird to me but people are.

egowise · 25/11/2023 04:09

There are lines and they are crossing a major one.

This is massively icky

cerisepanther73 · 25/11/2023 04:32

Hi @guessagainnn Obviously where is the sense of loyalty here then?

It's a emotional potentially a emotionally minefield of a situation if this develops into something else especially,

In the past have you had issues with your sister with regards of boundaries issues or other issues such as competive nature jealousies tendencies ect?

there is nothing new about this kind of seniorio situation it's proberly far more common than realise ,
it's obviously thoughtless insensitive of your sister,
there's plenty of fish in the sea she could have seemed further afield...

cerisepanther73 · 25/11/2023 04:35

oops typo omission i ment to say your sister could have looked further afield ect.

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