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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My special needs DS being repeatedly rejected for activity clubs

63 replies

SNmum23 · 23/11/2023 21:18

My DS is 5 and has a diagnosis of ASD who attends a school for autistic children.

I also have a daughter, age 4, with no disabilities who attends a mainstream school.

As my children are in receipt of free school meals they have been awarded 4 "credits" each in the form of a digital voucher from their schools which allows me to book them into activities with approved and participating holiday activity clubs over the winter break.

Every club I have tried to sign DS up to has rejected him saying they cannot meet his needs on account of his autism.

His needs are not profound, he has a restricted diet in line with his autism but I'm more than happy to provide food from home as I do with school. He doesn't require much more supervision than a neurotypical 5 year old. He is referred to by his school as "high functioning" and actually, he's alot "easier" to mind than my DD. Sure he needs to be kept an eye on but every 5yo does. Are they planning to leave all of the children to their own devices?

The clubs that rejected him have accepted my DD into the clubs with no issue, but I'll be damned if I allow him to be left out so it looks like neither of them are going.

These activity providers shouldn't be signing up to the scheme if they are unwilling to accept disabled children. I'm going to speak to DS' school tomorrow and let them know, I can't imagine they will be happy either.

AIBU to feel really upset by this? My poor boy.

OP posts:
Original poster
SNmum23 · 23/11/2023 21:19

I forgot to say that this isn't an isolated thing. I had similar when trying to sign him up to cubs some months ago.

OP posts:
oldfatandreadyforarevamp · 23/11/2023 21:20

What sort of activities are they? What more/different supervision does he require? What more/different input does he require?

wizzywig · 23/11/2023 21:20

If your child can pass as non-asd, then don't disclose it.

Hellocatshome · 23/11/2023 21:21

I think their judgement may be clouded by the fact he is at a specialist school. Have you explained to them that he will not need any extra support? Can the school write a letter to confirm this?

FiveCows · 23/11/2023 21:22

i think maybe you are being unreasonable stopping your daughter from doing things she would enjoy because your son isn’t able to participate.
I agree though - if he doesn’t need additional support then don’t tell them about his autism.

DodoTime · 23/11/2023 21:23

I'm really surprised this is even legal, seems like discrimination if they realistically could meet DS needs and are just saying no as he has autism. Did they say in what way they couldn't meet his needs? I would kick up a fuss.

Merryoldgoat · 23/11/2023 21:23

His needs must be fairly significant if he’s in a specialist setting at 5?

My boys both have autism.

One has been able to access most clubs but my younger one, although easy, wouldn’t.

Are they just saying no because of his diagnosis alone? Or are there specific things they feel they can not accommodate?

theduchessofspork · 23/11/2023 21:27

Don’t stop your daughter going - that’s appalling

Do work on the school to help you get the activity group to understand that your son will be fine. They are going to be stretched themselves and they’ll be assuming that your son has high needs because he’s at a special school.

If you are tenacious and polite I’d suspect you can get them to change their minds, but don’t be a dick about your daughter.

WhereWhoWhen · 23/11/2023 21:27

Could you discuss his specific needs with them directly?

If it turns out they just don't understand his needs, a conversation would help (and maybe get them to rethink the blanket rule - if there is one!)

If they truly can't meet his needs, then would you really want them to say they could take him?

Agree with PP, also seems a little unfair on your DD to ban her from going to things purely because her DB can't access them. Hopefully the chat will sort it out.

Good luck!

Sprinkles211 · 23/11/2023 21:29

We have the same problem the only places that will take my daughter are nursery's. The clubs will not take anyone who would need any kind of 1 to 1 time like using the bathroom etc. It's absolutely wrong I complained to my council they offered us a day trip to an animal centre near us I went on them hard as its spouted all over that its inclusive and they are providing support to the vulnerable but it's a lie. The very vulnerable are totally not provided for and you can't even ask for alternative vouchers like food shop for the cost of the placement so the money sits back in the council pot earning interest and on paper it's unclaimed its utterly disgusting. There's not even an after school club for the children at the specialist schools in our area

Changingmynameyetagain · 23/11/2023 21:29

I'd complain about Cubs, I'm a Beaver leader and we have a couple of ND kids and I always try my best to help them be included and plan our activities with them in mind.
Scouts is meant to be inclusive.
https://www.scouts.org.uk/volunteers/inclusion-and-diversity/

Scouts - Inclusion and Diversity

Read our guidance on sensory and physical needs, social, emotional and mental health, communication and interaction and much more.

https://www.scouts.org.uk/volunteers/inclusion-and-diversity

Original poster
SNmum23 · 23/11/2023 21:30

I wanted to be honest about his autism as the restricted diet could have been a problem if they were providing food.

So there have been 3 different providers.

One of them is sports related activity day (children's football, other sporty bits and bobs) and consisted of one day 10am - 2pm.

The second one is a "winter holiday club" which takes place over three days (child to be dropped off at 10am and picked up at 3pm) and that consisted of games, arts and craft activities, a Christmas party and potentially a trip out to see a pantomime. The pantomime was to be confirmed closer to the time.

The third one was very similar to #2 but without the possible pantomime.

In my honest opinion DS does not require any additional supervision than his 4yo NT sister. He was very hard work when he was younger but has come on so well. What he does struggle with is a change in routine that he isn't prepared for, so we do alot of work at home and school to make sure he knows what to expect and when.

He has swimming lessons and behaves beautifully. He goes horse riding with no issues. He can follow instructions just fine.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 23/11/2023 21:31

Are they assuming higher needs or needing 1:1 because he goes to a special school?

oldfatandreadyforarevamp · 23/11/2023 21:35

If he's as able as you say he is, how did you get him into a specialist setting so early? I want to know where I went wrong!

Merryoldgoat · 23/11/2023 21:36

What he does struggle with is a change in routine that he isn't prepared for, so we do alot of work at home and school to make sure he knows what to expect and when.

Is this not problematic? At an activity club where you aren’t there and the staff don’t know and he’s got lots of new activities is a meltdown likely?

If you are confident then definitely push for a trial at least.

I’m surprised he’s got a specialist setting at 5 without significant day to day needs.

MojoDojoCasaHouse · 23/11/2023 21:36

I’m astonished that someone that young got a place in a specialist setting but doesn’t need any support in extracurricular activities. Your area must be well resourced for specialist places. Have you checked you local authority website for the local offer for suitable settings? Or any local FB groups or support groups were you can ask for suggestions on welcoming activities for your DS?

PensionPuzzle · 23/11/2023 21:38

I think the starting point would be to ask what they've actually used to assess whether they can meet his needs, because if you've simply disclosed his diagnosis and the associated food challenges, I'd say it's a bit of a stretch for them to claim they've considered things sufficiently. Surely they'd need to talk to you or his school in depth to make a more informed decision anyway? And secondly which aspects of this they feel they can't meet, rather than the generic response you've had so far. For example if they came back and said they would be uncertain about their risk assessment for going out to the panto, but ok with the rest on site, that might be understandable and reasonable? And a mitigation might be that you would go along with them to support (I've done that before with families, to good effect).

Definitely don't let them off the hook, I doubt they've given it an acceptable level of thought at this stage from what you've said!

Merryoldgoat · 23/11/2023 21:38

oldfatandreadyforarevamp · 23/11/2023 21:35

If he's as able as you say he is, how did you get him into a specialist setting so early? I want to know where I went wrong!

My 5yo is in Y1 in a specialist setting but his peers are mostly non verbal, significantly delayed, and have toileting issues.

He’s extremely happy, easy going in nature but absolutely couldn’t participate in something like that.

Oblomov23 · 23/11/2023 21:39

This seems odd, isn't it basically discrimination?

But if he is in a specialist school of 5, surely his needs are very very high, and you thus must be underestimating how severe he is?

Original poster
SNmum23 · 23/11/2023 21:41

Merryoldgoat · 23/11/2023 21:23

His needs must be fairly significant if he’s in a specialist setting at 5?

My boys both have autism.

One has been able to access most clubs but my younger one, although easy, wouldn’t.

Are they just saying no because of his diagnosis alone? Or are there specific things they feel they can not accommodate?

I found him a special needs nursery age 2 as he was completely non verbal, on the ASD pathway and I was worried that he wouldn't cope in a mainstream nursery.

He was diagnosed before 3 and his paediatrician felt he was on the "severe" end of the spectrum due to his communication deficits (he was non verbal until 4)

I was able to get him an EHCP in good time, with help from nursery, which got us access to the specialist school for autistic children.

However, he has come on so well the school don't think it is the right setting for him anymore. He's now fully verbal and actually very academic for an almost 6 year old 🥺

OP posts:
LaLouNa · 23/11/2023 21:42

I have to agree with others; are you sure you aren’t underestimating his needs, given he is in a specialist setting aged 5?

My own 9 year old DS is autistic and has ADHD, he wasn’t diagnosed until aged 7, has low support needs so can participate in clubs independently… there’s not a chance he’d be considered for an EHCP, let alone special school.

Merryoldgoat · 23/11/2023 21:43

SNmum23 · 23/11/2023 21:41

I found him a special needs nursery age 2 as he was completely non verbal, on the ASD pathway and I was worried that he wouldn't cope in a mainstream nursery.

He was diagnosed before 3 and his paediatrician felt he was on the "severe" end of the spectrum due to his communication deficits (he was non verbal until 4)

I was able to get him an EHCP in good time, with help from nursery, which got us access to the specialist school for autistic children.

However, he has come on so well the school don't think it is the right setting for him anymore. He's now fully verbal and actually very academic for an almost 6 year old 🥺

Show quote history

I’m so pleased for you and him - what wonderful progress.

In that case I would push back.

Original poster
SNmum23 · 23/11/2023 21:44

theduchessofspork · 23/11/2023 21:27

Don’t stop your daughter going - that’s appalling

Do work on the school to help you get the activity group to understand that your son will be fine. They are going to be stretched themselves and they’ll be assuming that your son has high needs because he’s at a special school.

If you are tenacious and polite I’d suspect you can get them to change their minds, but don’t be a dick about your daughter.

She doesn't know anything about the clubs yet, I haven't got her hopes up and then changed my mind. I'm going to do something nice with them both together.

OP posts:
Wolfpa · 23/11/2023 21:45

I think there is a difference between cubs which is run by volunteers and children’s activities where people are getting paid .

if your child doesn’t need extra support why are they in a specialised school?

Sprinkles211 · 23/11/2023 21:45

I think some ppl are missing the point here. These vouchers are given by councils to children at specialist schools to use in the holidays but are actually not providing them anywhere to actually go so these parents are given them told they are inclusive and finding that inclusive doesn't actually mean them and are left out of very needed help and support. It's actually cruel. As the parent of a little girl in specialist school who went into it straight away from nursery we get used to the needs of out children and sometimes forget how much extra we do because it's our normal. But these children should still be accommodated for or that service just not offered to us because the way its done now quite frankly feels like someone waving a donut in front of you and turning on a treadmill at high speed

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