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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My special needs DS being repeatedly rejected for activity clubs

63 replies

SNmum23 · 23/11/2023 21:18

My DS is 5 and has a diagnosis of ASD who attends a school for autistic children.

I also have a daughter, age 4, with no disabilities who attends a mainstream school.

As my children are in receipt of free school meals they have been awarded 4 "credits" each in the form of a digital voucher from their schools which allows me to book them into activities with approved and participating holiday activity clubs over the winter break.

Every club I have tried to sign DS up to has rejected him saying they cannot meet his needs on account of his autism.

His needs are not profound, he has a restricted diet in line with his autism but I'm more than happy to provide food from home as I do with school. He doesn't require much more supervision than a neurotypical 5 year old. He is referred to by his school as "high functioning" and actually, he's alot "easier" to mind than my DD. Sure he needs to be kept an eye on but every 5yo does. Are they planning to leave all of the children to their own devices?

The clubs that rejected him have accepted my DD into the clubs with no issue, but I'll be damned if I allow him to be left out so it looks like neither of them are going.

These activity providers shouldn't be signing up to the scheme if they are unwilling to accept disabled children. I'm going to speak to DS' school tomorrow and let them know, I can't imagine they will be happy either.

AIBU to feel really upset by this? My poor boy.

OP posts:
elliejjtiny · 23/11/2023 22:43

I've been there OP. Do you need to use this for childcare or would you be able to stay with him? Just wondering as when we've had this situation with ds2 all clubs etc have said that they can't meet his needs but he can come if I stay with him. This doesn't work for my child because as soon as someone asks ds2 why his mum is staying, ds2 has a screaming meltdown so we just stick to special needs activities now where most of the parents stay so it doesn't matter. It is really hard though. Ds2 is in mainstream school with no ehcp or dla and very little support in school so I find it quite frustrating that no mainstream activity will take him.

PrimalOwl10 · 23/11/2023 22:47

I'm also shocked his in a specialist school if he can handle extra curriculum activities. My ds is in mainstream but couldn't handle a sen session football team, couldn't listen to do swimming lessons and is struggling at his martial arts I suspect there's more to it why they cant meet his needs Could it be a staffing issue? Not sure if it's in your local area but we have autism support groups that put events on in the holidays which are catered to meet our kids needs. We are off to the santa express Saturday.

Shinyandnew1 · 23/11/2023 22:48

You are talking about his special school and her mainstream school as having the same voucher/clubs? Thats very unusual for the club offers to be identical in settings so different.

Your son’s special school are saying that he is so high functioning he should be transitioning into mainstream, but also saying he is too high need for their clubs? Who IS attending the clubs then?

Original poster
SNmum23 · 23/11/2023 23:00

I would have (and still would) be happy to stay with him if they allowed him to attend. Neither club have tried to discuss any of it with me, they just reject the application and then I get a generic email like the one attached.

I will find the other one from the other provider, bare with me.

My special needs DS being repeatedly rejected for activity clubs
OP posts:
Sprinkles211 · 23/11/2023 23:01

Hi I complained to the haf vouchers who connected me to a lady in our council who dealt with it. The voucher we got was for us to go to an animal park which was over an hour away I might add so had to pay petrol etc to go and when I looked it up was worth £30 when we were given vouchers in the summer holidays for 10 days of activity. I even had an email saying they agreed that it wasn't suitable and that they are *working on more inclusive activities but couldn't help me any further. I'd just like my little girl to have the same access as other children, and when it's shouted loud and clear from the higher ups that they are supporting these children for votes/praise from the community it makes me so cross it's all surface lies and we're left the outsiders again.

Original poster
SNmum23 · 23/11/2023 23:01

Yes the same vouchers from each school for the same clubs.

Thank you for the advice and solidarity from the other parents who have had similar problems 😔

OP posts:
Original poster
SNmum23 · 23/11/2023 23:06

Sprinkles211 · 23/11/2023 23:01

Hi I complained to the haf vouchers who connected me to a lady in our council who dealt with it. The voucher we got was for us to go to an animal park which was over an hour away I might add so had to pay petrol etc to go and when I looked it up was worth £30 when we were given vouchers in the summer holidays for 10 days of activity. I even had an email saying they agreed that it wasn't suitable and that they are *working on more inclusive activities but couldn't help me any further. I'd just like my little girl to have the same access as other children, and when it's shouted loud and clear from the higher ups that they are supporting these children for votes/praise from the community it makes me so cross it's all surface lies and we're left the outsiders again.

That makes me so sad. It just isnt good enough is it 😔

OP posts:
hopsalong · 23/11/2023 23:18

I don't think the clubs are discriminating against him, in the sense of prejudicially preferring not to have him. It's brilliant that he's doing so well. But, from their perspective, if he has sufficient needs to be unable to attend a mainstream school (and, nowadays, many quite severely disabled children are forced to do that, which raises the perceived bar to entry to a specialist school) there's no way that less experienced staff in a more ad hoc and less well-resourced setting are going to be able to manage it. There would be reasonable concerns not only about his safety but other children's safety.

In other words, they're not being petty or selfish, and I don't think the fact that your son can't (at the moment, am sure will change if he returns to mainstream education) should prevent your daughter from going.

Whattodonexts · 23/11/2023 23:21

SNmum23 · 23/11/2023 21:30

I wanted to be honest about his autism as the restricted diet could have been a problem if they were providing food.

So there have been 3 different providers.

One of them is sports related activity day (children's football, other sporty bits and bobs) and consisted of one day 10am - 2pm.

The second one is a "winter holiday club" which takes place over three days (child to be dropped off at 10am and picked up at 3pm) and that consisted of games, arts and craft activities, a Christmas party and potentially a trip out to see a pantomime. The pantomime was to be confirmed closer to the time.

The third one was very similar to #2 but without the possible pantomime.

In my honest opinion DS does not require any additional supervision than his 4yo NT sister. He was very hard work when he was younger but has come on so well. What he does struggle with is a change in routine that he isn't prepared for, so we do alot of work at home and school to make sure he knows what to expect and when.

He has swimming lessons and behaves beautifully. He goes horse riding with no issues. He can follow instructions just fine.

These clubs never provide food? So don't disclose it. Even if they do provide food - much like at school its acceptable to still send your child with a packed lunch. You've probably put your own foot in it with this and over disclosed to the point the people running these clubs have run a mile. Also don't cut off your daughters nose to spite her face - she should still get to go.

Original poster
SNmum23 · 23/11/2023 23:25

I'll reconsider sending DD.

I'm sure there is no malice on part of the clubs, it's just shit for families like ours and feels so unfair on the children.

If they're not able to cater to children with additional needs that really needs to be made clear so nobody is left with any misunderstanding. It's hurtful seeing the rejections come in, one after the other.

I don't think the schools are to blame as they are sending the vouchers in good faith. DS' school is wonderful. This will be on the council.

OP posts:
Tatumm · 23/11/2023 23:47

That’s so rubbish of them, they haven’t bothered to try at all 😞 All about the money. I would definitely complain to the council.

Canisaysomething · 23/11/2023 23:47

It’s sounds like he’s in the wrong school and it’s impacting his opportunities else where.

BMW0504 · 06/05/2025 18:16

Sprinkles211 · 23/11/2023 21:45

I think some ppl are missing the point here. These vouchers are given by councils to children at specialist schools to use in the holidays but are actually not providing them anywhere to actually go so these parents are given them told they are inclusive and finding that inclusive doesn't actually mean them and are left out of very needed help and support. It's actually cruel. As the parent of a little girl in specialist school who went into it straight away from nursery we get used to the needs of out children and sometimes forget how much extra we do because it's our normal. But these children should still be accommodated for or that service just not offered to us because the way its done now quite frankly feels like someone waving a donut in front of you and turning on a treadmill at high speed

I agree with Sprinkles 211. This is surely against the Equality Act 2010. No child should be discriminated against due to having a disability. Send is classified as a disability.

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