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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at MIL

61 replies

Lifeisthememories · 23/11/2023 18:37

My hubby is taking my 3 year old and my 6 month old to his parents this weekend - I can’t go as my mum is ill but we seem them fairly regularly (a few times a month)
My MIL has decided to take my DC to see Santa at their local conservative club. It will be the first time my baby will have seen Santa and the first time my eldest is old enough to understand and get excited about seeing him.
I’m feeling really upset to be missing the experience and to miss seeing my eldest meet Santa for the first time when he actually understands what is going on.
Hubby thinks I’m being ridiculous as we are taking him to see Santa anyway the weekend after (also with my in-laws) and says I can’t say anything to MIL.
Am I being ridiculous for feeling upset to miss what feels like a special moment?

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 23/11/2023 18:39

No - my DH would know better than to let his mother rob me of that. I’d hit the roof.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 23/11/2023 18:42

If he won't say anything to his dm you can

catchmewhenifall · 23/11/2023 18:43

I think you need to take a deep breath let that go.

It's OK to be upset but to actually ask them not to do it, because of you, will forever be remembered by everyone and it's is unreasonable of you to ask it.

It's nice for your children to have that with Granny.

ZekeZeke · 23/11/2023 18:46

If you really, really want your kids to see santa first with you, I'm sure you could see one Thursday eve, Friday or even Saturday morning.

Original poster
Lifeisthememories · 23/11/2023 18:47

I know and I wouldn’t ever stop them I just wish for once they would think about my feelings and maybe wait until after next weekend!
Thank you, I am taking a deep breath and more just wanted validation for my feelings not support in stopping them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lifeisthememories · 23/11/2023 18:48

That’s a good idea, thank you, didn’t think of that!

OP posts:
CeeceeBloomingdale · 23/11/2023 18:49

It's really not her place to decide to do that and your DH needs to grow a pair. I'd be telling her the trip is off.

Sunshineclouds11 · 23/11/2023 18:49

Did she ask you first?

Original poster
Lifeisthememories · 23/11/2023 18:49

Just to add I am not going to stop them taking, just want to know I’m not ridiculous for feeling sad about it

OP posts:
experiential · 23/11/2023 18:50

Take them both yourself in the meantime.

Original poster
Lifeisthememories · 23/11/2023 18:50

No she didn’t 😟 which was part of it too really

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 23/11/2023 18:52

Just to give another perspective.

I think it's nice that they have thought of something that the kids would like to do.

I won't think of a santa visit as a special first.

Original poster
Lifeisthememories · 23/11/2023 18:57

Thank you, yes it’s nice they will be going and want to do something nice with them, I don’t want to stop them, just feeling sad that I won’t see the excitement on his little face

OP posts:
Gymnopedie · 23/11/2023 18:58

I just wish for once they would think about my feelings

That suggests this is another in a long line of grandma pushing herself in. If this isn't a one-off you have a DH problem.

Sapphire387 · 23/11/2023 19:02

Nah mate, it's still November anyway, good excuse to wait.

Dishwashersaurous · 23/11/2023 19:11

It's November. In toddler time frame it's another lifetime until Christmas. Take him yourself closer to Christmas ad enjoy the excitement then.

Ihaterhymingrabbit · 23/11/2023 19:14

OP, you can be a nice, calm, fair, normal, thoughtful person and still say a bit fat NO to this and many other things.

Your kids, your memories, your rules.

Start saying NO!!!

headcheffer · 23/11/2023 19:18

I got upset about this once, with my MIL too. Then i rushed about trying to make special Christmas memories with my 2.5 year old like a Christmas light trail and a Santa visit on a nearby train.

She cried the whole way round the light trail saying she was too cold, and wanted to be carried.

She threw herself on the floor at the door to Santa's grotto and refused to go in.

I enjoyed neither of these things Grin and realised that I was being silly about her "first" Santa visit as it probably hadn't been as incredible as I imagined!! But being there Christmas morning while she opened her stocking and marvelled at what amazing presents "Santa" had got her was totally magic and something only I get to experience Smile ... what with DH not knowing what Santa's bringing obvs Grin

Radiatorvalves · 23/11/2023 19:19

I read your post and thought initially it was the conservative club venue that was upsetting you. I’d be upset about that (presumably they are benefiting financially?) t wouldn’t be so concerned about the first visit…. There will be others where they are more aware??

LauritaEvita · 23/11/2023 19:25

I’d be thrilled if my MIL arranged something like this with my kids. It wouldn’t upset me at all. So maybe it’s not that they haven’t considered your feelings, rather they just didn’t expect you to have any about this?

Dishwashersaurous · 23/11/2023 19:31

Only you know whether she thought you might want to be involved, and purposefully did it when you couldn't come.

Or, whether she wanted to organise something nice for her grandkids when they were visiting.

sprigatito · 23/11/2023 19:31

No child of mine would cross the threshold of a Con club, their Santa will probably pick his pockets 😂

Seriously though, if this isn't a one-off and there is a history of Grandma pushing you aside, then I would tell her it's not ok and you want to be there for the first Santa visit. If it's a one-off and she's generally considerate, I would let her have this one and ask her to take a nice picture for you.

JellyIegs · 23/11/2023 19:32

I’d be more upset about them being taken inside a conservative club 🙈

Fixesplease · 23/11/2023 19:33

My mil done this, I was furious.. however, in the pictures he was screaming blue murder.

In the one we took him too a week later , it was frame worthy.
Karma. 😆

User0000009 · 23/11/2023 19:33

Radiatorvalves · 23/11/2023 19:19

I read your post and thought initially it was the conservative club venue that was upsetting you. I’d be upset about that (presumably they are benefiting financially?) t wouldn’t be so concerned about the first visit…. There will be others where they are more aware??

Yes! I’d be more upset about having my kids in the Conservative Club!!