Hitmaker with gym-honed body tottering whilst out with revellers

[CheatingCheetos]

AIBU unreasonable to think no-one speaks like this or uses those words outside the tabloid press.

I’d add to this “flaunt”, meaning a woman engaged in wearing clothes in public.

Why does everyone have to 'break their silence' these days. Nobody comments any more, or speaks out. They must break their silence.

"All grown up" is the really creepy one. Always applied to nubile young girls.

And pregnant women are never pregnant, they're proudly flaunting their baby bumps.

"Showcased" is another one. If a woman isn't "flaunting" her toned abs she's "showcasing" them.

“Caused outrage” - a couple of people grumbling on Twitter.

When a public figure criticises someone or something, it's always SLAMS - "Adele SLAMS Taylor Swift video";
If they like or compliment someone or something its "hail" - "Fans hail Adele's new look"

Who the fuck slams or hails in real life?

Yes this 😂
I live for the day it continues:
'To berate this newspaper for talking a load of old bollocks'
Effortlessly Chique, Tresses, pins and Beau are the cringiest of the lot 🤢

Or the stating of value of the persons house even if utterly irrelevant ie a murder victim. See also attending private school

Grandmother/mother of two does something that is completely irrelevant to her being a grandmother/mother of two.

In sport - especially tennis - players don’t lose, they ‘crash out’.

does my head in

I think they just mean her collarbone sticks out - one of the many ways to say she's thin

There’s a fun little book called Romps, Tots and Boffins which looks at some of these. “Blasts” is another classic, generally meaning “wrote mildly critical Facebook post”.

Any article about or quoting a random doctor they are always referred to as Top Doc even if they are a run of the mill registrar in a DGH that nobody outside their place of work, family or friends has ever heard of.

DM’s obsession with ‘mandarins’ really irritates me. Their loose definition of mandarin seems to be a person at any level of management working in the civil service.

eg “our investigation reveals thousands of mandarins are allowed to WFH”
😬

Lol! YANBU

I also hate it when they describe celebrities the same every bloody time.

Ant and Dec are always a “cheeky Geordie duo”. We know who Ant & Dec are FFS

Don't read the Mail

Have you read the Sun?

They’re terrible rags but these descriptions do make me laugh. The ‘200 ways to say someone is fat’ is spot on 🙄though and not funny.

Slightly different but can I add: "to kickstart the economy". (sigh) Motorcycles from the 1950s had kickstarts, it is old fashioned. To suddenly energise a car one Jump Starts it with jump leads.
A yellow machine on a construction site is not a "digger" it is an excavator or a backhoe.
A ship that tows other ships is a TUG, not a tug boat.

‘Boffins’ - someone with expertise. That one sets my teeth on edge.

Imagine having to produce this tripe for a living?

Fortunately, I do not (nor will I ever!) write for such publications but I do often write online content to whoevers 'house style' and it is grim work at times. Particularly, re-writing AI or 'cheap copywriter who has no understanding of the subject matter' content to replace the 9 billionty instances of 'perfect pooch' and 'pampered pet'.

We also have to contend with the liberal scatterings of the same word, over and over, added in for SEO purposes but that make the article unreadable to any normal person.

I genuinely think I'd rather pull out my own eyeballs with a fork than have to turn a one line statement or single photo of a celebrity into a 500 - 800 word piece.

People who have done wrong are always facing a ‘rap’ a ‘probe’ or an ‘axe’. You can always ‘mull’ or ‘eye’ a ‘bid’ for something. It means you can create condensed headlines such as ‘PM mulls MP jobs axe’ or ‘Rishi eyes EU bid’

The DM are also allergic to the word "whom", or are too stupid to understand it.
So often you can see "Famous actor X with his wife, Y, who he met on the set of..."
Aargh!

People always "wed" in tabloidese.

Daily Star is making a feature of describing scientists as "boffins" or "bofs".

The one that really annoys me is (mostly) The Daily Express with underlining: "The Tories will cut taxes before election"

Another word almost never seen outside a tabloid headline: 'snubs' or 'snubbed'.