Hitmaker with gym-honed body tottering whilst out with revellers

[CheatingCheetos]

AIBU unreasonable to think no-one speaks like this or uses those words outside the tabloid press.

I’d add to this “flaunt”, meaning a woman engaged in wearing clothes in public.

Men flaunt their abs, women flaunt their curves.

The ‘sharing’ kids things really grates on me! I don’t know why it annoys me so much but it makes me want to break things.

The newest one is "breaks their silence" I.e. gets round to posting something on Instagram after something has happened e.g. been booted from a reality show.

Don't forget 'she pours her curves into skimpy dress'

I think “sharing” kids is ok if you’re going on to say that they also have kids from previous relationships. Otherwise, yes - very annoying.
Hitmaker is horrendous.
And “welcoming” a baby is ugh, though it does sometimes get you out of a bind if you don’t know whether the baby was born by surrogate, or if the father is the star (you can’t really say he had the baby).

“Opens up” is another one.

Storms are always going to 'batter Britain'
Criminals are always 'caged', never just sent to prison.
'Bournemouth hotter than Barcelona' the minute the sun comes out.
At the same time a great white shark is always spotted in Cornwall....

"A source said" is another favourite of journalists

In less enlightened times they used to describe homosexual people as "blatant". They never used that to describe a heterosexual person.

How do you tone your decolletage? Asking for a friend.

How does one tone tits ?

Or should it have been "tanned" ?

"Fighting cancer", "bravely borne illness".

Utter crap. "Screaming for more morphine" is more like it.

One does not put on a bit of weight, one Balloons.

One does not have a shag, one Romps. The atmosphere in which the romp is conducted is Steamy.

You've missed out their ages - that's crucial.

@minipie This made me LOL

(edit to add tag)

Were they just about to jet off to Mustique with fifty of their closest friends?

Teenage priest in sex change mercy dash to Palace

The latest go to phrase seems to be "broke their cover" or "broke their silence". Drives me mad reading it.

My personal favourite is "sent temperatures soaring". Any female in a slightly skimpy outfit or bikini apparently does this. Also "set pulses racing".

Ahead of that storm 'Brits are braced', no doubt 'in a bid' to avoid the weather.

@10HailMarys 'And calling some who has an affair a ‘love cheat’ (which seems to have replaced ‘love rat’ lately).'
Maybe actual rats started writing in and complaining

“Busty beauty frolics on beach” - it’s sunny and they want to put photos of hot women in bikinis in the paper

Temperatures always plummet in winter, even if its just to -2° when it was just a bit warmer the day before

Any lunch that involves alcohol is boozy

Nobody ever criticises anything or expresses a dislike of it. They "SLAM" it.

I think they mean she's not fat. The Eskimo may not have twenty words for snow but the UK tabloids have two hundred for fat and not fat.

It's the language round kids that turns my stomach. 'they welcomed their third baby' makes me think they opened their front door and everyone air kissed.

'Blayton and Payton at their Montana ranch with the four children they share' as if they take turns being parents. This one actually confuses the meaning as 'sharing' kids usually means separated parents.