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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AirBnB Guest terminal illness

406 replies

Zazz101 · 23/11/2023 01:06

Hi, I am looking for suggestions. I rent out my house on airBnB and I have just found out that my next guest has a terminal illness.

They have organised a family get together. I would love to do something to make this an extra special time for them all. I know I could just knock money off the house, but they are wanting to make memories, and I would like to do something to ensure it’s a lovely holiday for them.

My only contact is the person that is ill, so I cannot ask them for any ideas.

so please, if anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.

OP posts:
Eskarina1 · 23/11/2023 09:13

We hired an air bnb for my dad's last Christmas (he was local) and as it turned out the Christmas where my mother in laws dementia became front and centre.

They decorated the house beautifully for Christmas. They left a goodie selection. They didn't make any fuss about the smells we couldn't quite clear out despite a lot of cleaning.

I will be grateful to them for those small kindnesses forever. I remember a hellish Christmas with the world collapsing around my ears. My kids remember the wonderful time they had at the Christmas house.

Isthisreasonable · 23/11/2023 09:15

Do you have things like hot water bottles, throws? Plenty of bedding so that they can get into fresh bedding whenever they want? That would show consideration without being overly intrusive. A hamper is nice but who will it benefit if the ill person doesn't have much of an appetite or is on a limited diet.

Rosebud21 · 23/11/2023 09:16

While the OPs has good intentions, how useful is a disposable camera when most phones have great cameras. Many of the do this & that responses here feel intrusive for what must a very difficult time for this family.

@WandaWonder I agree with this, it makes their stay about them

Stravaig · 23/11/2023 09:22

You say your only contact is with the person who is ill, so either they disclosed their illness to you, with or without a specific request. Or - how did you find out, OP? Echoing others, stop making this about you.

ocarinaflow · 23/11/2023 09:23

ocarinaflow · 23/11/2023 02:41

Seconding that a small instant photo printer or polaroid (to be returned of course) or disposable cameras would be a lovely idea!

Printing out photos is a hassle. I know from recent experience of loss that having the memories sorted and already available to look at is really comforting.

If they're all jumbled up in a phone or computer or Cloud somewhere, it can be something you start avoiding instead (not just out of admin dread but fear of grief etc).

Just to elaborate on my personal experience of this – the instant Polaroids (with little props) we had printed out and handed to us at the place we stayed at weeks before their (predicted) passing are so treasured now.

I do agree though that it depends on if they're in a state to want their photo taken, or if they're in an older age group that might not be into this throwback trend and hence might find it odd or offensive or childish, or if they would simply see it as morbid. It's probably a bit of an expensive purchase anyway.

AhBiscuits · 23/11/2023 09:24

I don't get the disposal camera at all. What is the point in them when my phone camera is 1000x better.

I'm sure this is not you OP, but when people are sick then grief vultures circle. A friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer and suddenly people she hadn't spoken to in years were getting in touch with her. She felt like some of them almost found her illness exciting and wanted to be part of it.

These people are strangers to you. Leave them a bottle of wine or something if you like but in general stay out of it.

ocarinaflow · 23/11/2023 09:25

And I don't think a simple hamper and some decorations is intrusive. Quite typical for an airbnb no? Others like cooking for them yes intrusive

sandyhappypeople · 23/11/2023 09:28

Have you got anyone coming in the day they leave, can you offer them more time to leave?

one of the worst things we find about staying anywhere is having to leave by 10am (used to be 11 pre covid) that last morning is such a rush around now, especially if you want to have breakfast before you leave.

ocarinaflow · 23/11/2023 09:31

@Rosebud21 @AhBiscuits I think what I was trying to say above was that something tangible and physical, even if not in the sharpest quality, was a simple and comforting reminder of the reality of the recent good times we had and their presence. Really, really valuable and comforting.

In contrast, somehow, going through and sorting out (even recent) phone photos in my camera gallery for me was like death admin, and somehow more painful and sad.

Could just be me though. And this isn't at all to comment on the appropriateness of leaving a disposable camera for your guests (clearly would be contentious) but just explaining the emotional aspect over the practical aspect for me personally.

RudsyFarmer · 23/11/2023 09:32

OP you are going to have some people make out that any of your kind ideas are somehow wrong or ‘intrusive’. For the majority of people a thoughtful gift would be very appreciated so don’t overthink it.

A lovely hamper with locally sourced goodies alongside a home made cake would be an absolute joy I’m sure. You can add a note in the hamper saying you would be delighted to provide them with a home made complimentary lasagne or bolognese, chilli (whatever your speciality) if they would like and you could leave your mobile phone number on the note for them to text. Then the ball is in their court.

Alondra · 23/11/2023 09:33

Zazz101 · 23/11/2023 08:30

Thank you so much for the replies. The feedback regarding a meal was particularly helpful as I did not consider the lack of appetite and certainly would not want to make them feel uncomfortable in anyway.

i absolutely do not believe in the do nothing for fear of offending route. Having been in a similar experience myself and bumping into friends who didn’t contact me, with the excuse of I didn’t know what to say / do, so did nothing was hurtful.

I think a lovely hamper and a good instant camera and a beautifully decorated house is what I will do, as it’s not intrusive. Thank you again.

OP, it's not just the lack of appetite. Cooking a meal means you need to ask very personal and private questions about your ill guest's dietary requirements. You can't do that. It's completely inappropriate.

These people are not your friends, they are guests who have paid to stay at your place for a private celebration. Don't intrude, you know nothing about them except the little information they've shared with you as the owner of the Airbnb they've paid for.

Back off, you are getting way too involved in something that's not your business.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 23/11/2023 09:39

Do not do the camera, it's bloody weird.

saraclara · 23/11/2023 09:40

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 23/11/2023 09:39

Do not do the camera, it's bloody weird.

To be fair to OP, she's taken a lot on board, including this. She's already said she's dropping the camera idea.

LuciaPillson · 23/11/2023 09:44

Having read more posts, I do think that making sure the place is extra clean, warm enough and has a very good supply of things like fresh bedding, loo roll, paper towels and so on is actually a great approach - not that your place wouldn't already fulfil those requirements!

And some basics in the fridge/kitchen like tea and coffee, milk, bread and butter, biscuits and so on are always helpful, it isn't overwhelming the guests with food that the ill person potentially can't have, just making sure there are a few basics about. They will come prepared with any special foods that are needed. Again, you may provide basics routinely anyway!

But a simple hamper could be ok too, I wouldn't overdo it though since as people said you don't want to create future expectations and there might be not one thing in it that the ill person could actually eat. Or of course they may scoff the lot 😁

A few gentle tasteful decorations like a little greenery sounds nice, but nothing over the top. I think I agree about not too many fresh flowers, since as PP have said the smell may be too strong and they require care. You could also check with the guests beforehand, say you usually decorate at this time of year and ask if they mind. They may or may not want a festive atmosphere.

Although some people would really appreciate the camera idea, there are those who wouldn't, so I might leave that alone, as it seems potentially a little fraught. They are in charge of how they want to record their time and make memories and certainly a vulnerable person may not wish to be photographed.

OP you have shown kindness in wishing to make their stay special, I think less may be more in this case but I'm sure they'll have a wonderful stay.

Stopsnowing · 23/11/2023 09:45

Zanatdy · 23/11/2023 04:41

Very nice gesture but be careful of over stepping. Cooking a meal is too much. Decorate the house nicely and buy a few Christmas treats for them in a nice hamper

This. It would be good to have the basics covered as well if over Christmas like milk bread tea etc.

AtomicPumpkin · 23/11/2023 09:52

How did you find out that your guest is terminally ill? I would be furious if a stranger had access to my personal medical information and even more furious if that person referenced it in any way.

Womencanlift · 23/11/2023 09:59

Zazz101 · 23/11/2023 08:30

Thank you so much for the replies. The feedback regarding a meal was particularly helpful as I did not consider the lack of appetite and certainly would not want to make them feel uncomfortable in anyway.

i absolutely do not believe in the do nothing for fear of offending route. Having been in a similar experience myself and bumping into friends who didn’t contact me, with the excuse of I didn’t know what to say / do, so did nothing was hurtful.

I think a lovely hamper and a good instant camera and a beautifully decorated house is what I will do, as it’s not intrusive. Thank you again.

To me a camera is intrusive from a stranger. If they want to record the get together do you not think they will have already arranged this?

Doteycat · 23/11/2023 10:02

Do absolutely nothing.
It's none of your business.
I would be absolutely livid if I booked a place over Xmas to get away from it all and some do-gooder decorated the house and left a hamper. Stay out of it.

Ramalangadingdong · 23/11/2023 10:05

I think this is a private affair and that you should just leave a hamper and then let them do as they wish.

Stravaig · 23/11/2023 10:06

The very existence of this thread is intrusive! Unless the person making the booking is the ill person and they disclosed their illness to OP and their special request to OP was 'make a thread about my illness on Mumsnet please'.

Ramalangadingdong · 23/11/2023 10:06

Doteycat · 23/11/2023 10:02

Do absolutely nothing.
It's none of your business.
I would be absolutely livid if I booked a place over Xmas to get away from it all and some do-gooder decorated the house and left a hamper. Stay out of it.

This is actually what I think. You don’t know them. It is too intrusive. Just do what you usually do for guests.

ocarinaflow · 23/11/2023 10:10

AtomicPumpkin · 23/11/2023 09:52

How did you find out that your guest is terminally ill? I would be furious if a stranger had access to my personal medical information and even more furious if that person referenced it in any way.

I'm assuming the guest mentioned it to OP. People just want to find something to get furious, livid and various other adjectives about...

Kwer · 23/11/2023 10:13
  1. Christmas decor, incl xmas crackers
  2. Christmas hamper, incl wine
  3. Photo Booth! Not an actual booth, but in a corner of the lounge, provide a pile of props and a hang up a backdrop curtain (beach scene, for xmas comedy?). Try charity shop for props. Props suggestions: musical instruments, silly hats, feather boa, some old coats, and some silly sunglasses from amazon
  4. Leave a Polaroid camera there with lots of spare paper and a note saying please use.
  5. Christmas lucky dip with non-edible gifts inside (xmassy socks etc) and a note saying please take a gift home.
  6. Board games
  7. If kids will be there, consider providing some toys.

You’ll also be able to reuse the photo booth stuff for future guests and get amazing reviews ;)

Kwer · 23/11/2023 10:14

Ramalangadingdong · 23/11/2023 10:06

This is actually what I think. You don’t know them. It is too intrusive. Just do what you usually do for guests.

Please ignore Scrooges like this, what absolute misery-guts out to rain on your parade because they get a thrill from being nasty.

No one is ever “livid” to be given a hamper, especially as some kind of free snacks and a bottle of wine is usual in most classy airbnbs even when it isn’t xmas.

Ramalangadingdong · 23/11/2023 10:17

Aquamarine1029 · 23/11/2023 08:27

Probably a bit silly, but you could get a few disposable cameras and leave them with some goodies/ even some silly props/hats? This would be such a valuable memory when getting them published and if they turn out rubbish it was still fun to do

I'm sorry, but this is just a horrible, thoughtless idea. This isn't a child's party. The people involved are perfectly capable of creating their own memories in the way they deem appropriate.

I agree.

This thread is a warning to me to keep this stuff to myself. I would only tell an Airbnb owner about it if I was angling for a discount.