AirBnB Guest terminal illness

[Zazz101]

Hi, I am looking for suggestions. I rent out my house on airBnB and I have just found out that my next guest has a terminal illness.

They have organised a family get together. I would love to do something to make this an extra special time for them all. I know I could just knock money off the house, but they are wanting to make memories, and I would like to do something to ensure it’s a lovely holiday for them.

My only contact is the person that is ill, so I cannot ask them for any ideas.

so please, if anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.

I think the flipside is people who get all pissy because they think they're being pitied for dying when a sweet little hamper and some nice personal touches is quite standard for many airbnbs and hotels lol

I think that kind of thing works in movies so I do get where you are coming from but it might possibly be weird IRL? I think keeping it ambiguous as to whether or not it was the usual seasonal treatment ( eg a small Christmas tree in the property) is the way to go. A brass band probably seems a bit obviously beyond the normal Air BnB provision I think.

You don’t think the family is capable of bringing what they need for themselves? I would find that all so patronising.

Of course they're capable! They're also capable of buying nice chocs, coffee and a bottle of wine. They can bring their own board games. But you are so missing the point.

When I went away with my terminally ill OH the car was so full of wheel cheer, boxes of medication, special food and all the other shit your brain is literally bursting.

So the fuck what if someone makes a kind gesture to you or gives a helping hand? No I I wouldn't have found it patronising.

Someone wise said to me at the beginning , Accept all the Help. And I did. You are literally running on empty.

Everyone is different. But I didn't have the headspace to over think any gesture of kindness or help.It was what it was and I was grateful.

@sunglassesonthetable but would you have appreciated a personalised bauble ‘front and centre’ and / or brass band?

There are levels of normal kindness and there’s batshit behaviour surely

Small hamper and free or large discount to the accomodations is the appropriate thing.

People here are forgetting this person is very unwell and may not be able to do a lot, go out to eat, shopping, eat elaborate meals or want a fuss from strangers.

I'm a very private person and would just want the gift of privacy and to be left alone by an Airbnb host.

Everyone is different. But I didn't have the headspace to over think any gesture of kindness or help.Itwas what it was and I was grateful.

But that's the thing. Everyone IS different. My late husband would have hated the fuss of a lot of the ideas that people have suggested. He WOULD have felt pity. He wanted his remaining life to be normal. To not have to think about his prognosis, beyond going for his appointments and for his palliative treatment. To just enjoy family time as if none of this was happening.

That's why any kind actions by a stranger who doesn't know the person or the family, have to be subtle. They have no idea what will be appreciated and what won't, by people who are at their most fragile.

OP means well, and unlike some people, despite being a little bit hurt, she has listened and taken advice on board. Putting up a Christmas tree to make the place welcoming, and leaving a small hamper, is a nice gesture that as far as her guests are concerned, will be appreciated as something that she might have done for anyone. A nice extra without being intrusive.

*but would you have appreciated a personalised bauble ‘front and centre’ and / or brass band?

There are levels of normal kindness and there’s batshit behaviour surely*

I wouldn't have given a shit if there was a personalised bauble on the tree either way. I had so much bigger things to think about.

A Brass Band? God knows. I suppose it would have made us laugh.

But I think OP has the best of intentions and you can either focus on that as many posters have.

Or revel in the few suggestions you think are extreme. And that's what you clearly enjoy doing. And I cba with that level of negativity.

A hamper of goodies and a card hoping they have a wonderful stay sounds just right. My sister died at 40 and she would have been pleased as punch if a host went to the extra effort. Maybe don't explicitly mention the illness anywhere so they can just assume it's an extra nice host.

I find you so rude

You are so kind. Thank you.

I think it is nice you want to make the property welcoming, but I'd be very uncomfortable if you made me aware of extra effort being due to my health status if you were my host in a paid-for place.

Sometimes the thing people want is the space to get on with things in private with the people that matter to them. Be wary of making this about you.

Christmas decs sound nice though.

It's astonishing how so many of these super-kind folk turn out to be such bullies if people don't agree with them.

Post of the Week. @XmasWomble, if I'm sentient and still have my very black sense of humour left in my final days, will you be my death doula?

It's interesting that those of us who have had direct experience of supporting people who are dying can see the issue and others can't. My mum was like your husband. Hated the thought that she might be an object of pity and wanted to keep things normal for as long as possible.

My late husband would have hated the fuss of a lot of the ideas that people have suggested. He WOULD have felt pity. He wanted his remaining life to be normal. To not have to think about his prognosis, beyond going for his appointments and for his palliative treatment. To just enjoy family time as if none of this was happening.

This is so important for people to hear.

Assuming we know what others want is so self-centred. If we don't know them, we should be polite and kind - with appropriate boundaries and respect.

It is actually deeply selfish to steam in with grand gestures.

Most holiday rentals provide some kind of welcome treat these days, whether that be just milk and coffee, bread or cake or a full on hamper of local goodies, so I don't know how people could possibly think that's a) showmanship/looking for glory or b) insensitive.

Similarly with the toiletries. In my experience some don't provide any, some provide small hotel style bottles and some go all out with bath bombs and the like. If you just leave them in the bathroom and they don't want to use them they can just be left for the next guests. No harm done!

My family member who was terminal would have loved – and did! We made memories towards the end) – a great grand treat.

But a surprise or treat just because, not due to her illness due to the connotations of pity and morbidity. I agree it is a fine line to tread, but I disagree that that means you don't do anything at all.

I think many PP's suggestions come from the angle of a lovely Christmas surprise or great host service. I think people are being way too Grinch-like and hysterical about things like a hamper or tree or decorations.

Even things like a disposable camera and photobooth are pretty fun in some places. I appreciate older folks or more uptight (really not meant as insult but I can't think of another descriptor) people might not like it, and with a terminal illness the connotations would probably be too unsubtle.

But in general, as a bog standard feature, it's not that offensive. Imagine if W Hotel in Soho or the airbnb I stayed in in Seoul or tons of other places with that fun feature got a raging call from a guest who made it all about them and their death. Incidentally, my most treasured memories with said family member a short while before their predicted death are in a Polaroid printout from a place like this.

Op is a seasoned host so their creation of this thread is precisely because they are planning something other than the usual welcome pack.

i don’t really understand why people suggesting keep it very low key is grinchlike. Surely it is interesting to get all sorts of views and be given food for thought. I would imagine op will do what she thinks is best regardless of my view no matter how strong - and quite right too.

It's interesting that those of us who have had direct experience of supporting people who are dying can see the issue and others can't. My mum was like your husband. Hated the thought that she might be an object of pity and wanted to keep things normal for as long as possible.

I wouldn't call a few hamper goodies , a lit fire and Christmas decs " being an object of pity" or not keeping things normal anyway.

Brass band yes. But OP hasn't gone there.

I don't think you have anymore call on "the issue" than anyone else. Time and again people on here, with direct experience have said yes they would enjoy the kindness .

I agree. I’m not saying I’d expect Christmas decorations, but at this time of year I wouldn’t blink if they were there ( and when we went to an air bnb btw Christmas and New Year they were there, and I didn’t blink). Ditto toiletries ( though I wouldn’t use them as I have my own things I like) and a hamper. I didn’t for a moment wonder if they thought one of us was dying. We just appreciated the enriched atmosphere and vibe. Some people are acting as though OP is going to pin a note to each measure saying “ Because you are so ill: enjoy!”

It's astonishing how so many of these super-kind folk turn out to be such bullies if people don't agree with them.

You started this unnecessary "super kind" nonsense .

That kind of sarcasm is quite bullying I'd say. You know, like your comment of "how to get a free hamper".

Is that because people don't agree with you @Bouffe ?

… one of our treats was a small bag of homemade chic chip cookies btw. Big chunks of choc and a lovely soft in the middle texture. They lasted about four minutes as we had driven a long way. No one took the remotest offence!

I agree. I’m not saying I’d expect Christmas decorations, but at this time of year I wouldn’t blink if they were there ( and when we went to an air bnb btw Christmas and New Year they were there, and I didn’t blink). Ditto toiletries ( though I wouldn’t use them as I have my own things I like) and a hamper. I didn’t for a moment wonder if they thought one of us was dying. We just appreciated the enriched atmosphere and vibe. Some people are acting as though OP is going to pin a note to each measure saying “ Because you are so ill: enjoy!”

Totally. It's just a hamper and decs.

Or is there a banner "cos time is running out " ?

It's kind of irrelevant what the OP normally does for her guests, assuming these ones have never visited her place before. What is relevant is that it's not outside the ordinary to arrive to a welcome hamper when staying at a rental property so these guests won't necessarily think it's specially for them and their situation. It's just a nice gesture.

I don't think any of us are arguing about the hamper and decorations. I've said time and again that those would be nice, and that we would have appreciated then when my husband was dying.

It's the more over the top suggestions that people have made, that those of us who have gone through this, have said are too much or too patronising.

OP started out with more excessive ideas, but all credit to her, has listened to advice and is now going the decorations and hamper route.