Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding gift contribution

66 replies

whatmanmakescappucino · 22/11/2023 19:55

I’m going to an ex-colleague’s wedding, we’re not particularly close. A colleague suggested 3 of us that are going chip in £50 each to get a gift for the couple. Aibu to think this contribution is too high? Baring in mind there will also be a cost to travel and hotel and AL

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 22/11/2023 19:56

That seems reasonable for a wedding gift.

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 22/11/2023 19:57

If you're invited to the meal, then I think £50 is reasonable.

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 22/11/2023 19:58

If you can afford it, £50 is usual for a wedding gift of someone you're not related to (£100 I would say for family)
If you're on a lower income then it's totally fine to cut it to £20-25 but I wouldn't do that just because you think £50 is a lot if you can afford £50.

ChampagneLassie · 22/11/2023 20:01

When I was going to weddings 12-15 years ago I was contributing £80-100 from. Me + my ex. I think £50 pp would be. Bit low now. I’m going to a wedding next year on my own and assuming I’ll give £100, but it’s quite a flash wedding. I think the rule of thumb is you cover the cost of the food/drink

Original poster
whatmanmakescappucino · 22/11/2023 20:01

I should have added that I’m not particularly close to the couple, we’re more acquaintances. I have only seen the bride to be 3 times since we stopped working together 2 years ago. I have never met the groom.

I can’t really afford the £50 until I get paid next week, but colleagues are wanting funds today. The only thing I can think of is if they pay for me and I bank transfer them but tbh I don’t feel comfortable - I’d be happy to contribute that amount to someone I was closer to.

OP posts:
FloweryName · 22/11/2023 20:01

Are you going for the whole thing or just a party in the evening? If it’s the latter, I agree £50 is a lot.

bakewellbride · 22/11/2023 20:01

We only do £30 for someone we are not that close to so yanbu.,

£50 is for a close friend etc.

We gave BIL £150.

Inyourwildestdreams · 22/11/2023 20:01

For a full day wedding I would personally usually do £100 for family and close friends then £50 for others.

But it depends what you can afford. If you’re not happy with £50, just tell the others you’d rather do your own thing.

Original poster
whatmanmakescappucino · 22/11/2023 20:03

Oh also not sure if relevant, but the bride to be said no gifts and also put that on the invite

OP posts:
wokbun · 22/11/2023 20:04

Just say you're doing your own thing and going to contribute to the honeymoon instead. Then pop £30 in a card.

wokbun · 22/11/2023 20:04

whatmanmakescappucino · 22/11/2023 20:03

Oh also not sure if relevant, but the bride to be said no gifts and also put that on the invite

Absolutely relevant.

Ps. They'll be hoping for cash

alldonefortoday · 22/11/2023 20:06

I think it's ridiculous to expect guests to cover costs of food they haven't had a say in choosing. If you're invited to a wedding it's surely because they want you there because of your relationship with them, not for you to cover your cost of being there

ChampagneLassie · 22/11/2023 20:06

Just read update, this isn’t affordable to you, I’d offer to put in less/ do your own thing. But if money this tight I wouldn’t be going as you say the other costs too

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 22/11/2023 20:07

No gifts means they want cash. Send them some directly via PayPal or put cash in a card. If you aren't close then why are you going to the whole day? Odd. If you accept a whole day wedding invite that comes with the expectation that you'll give a proper gift however close you are or aren't. It just does.

alldonefortoday · 22/11/2023 20:07

To add to my previous post, OP should contribute what they can afford that's it, the bride and groom should understand your situation and appreciate you being there if not, they're not worth the effort of going

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 22/11/2023 20:08

alldonefortoday · 22/11/2023 20:06

I think it's ridiculous to expect guests to cover costs of food they haven't had a say in choosing. If you're invited to a wedding it's surely because they want you there because of your relationship with them, not for you to cover your cost of being there

of course they aren't literally expected to cover their costs (it costs more than just the food per person to host a wedding!) it's just convention.

DodoTime · 22/11/2023 20:08

If you put in £20 each that would be £60 all together and you could get a voucher for a nice restaurant or shop you know the couple like as bride said no gifts. I'd only give £50 for people I'm really close with.

SecondUsername4me · 22/11/2023 20:08

Why would you accept an invite to a wedding of someone you are merely an "aquaintance" of? Especially if you need to pay for annual leave and a hotel too?

bitchatty · 22/11/2023 20:10

why are you going?

ex colleague
not very close to

when was the last time you got together?

bitchatty · 22/11/2023 20:12

if you’re struggling to pay £50 until pay day next week

why on earth are you spending money on hotel and travel for someone you aren’t close to

Original poster
whatmanmakescappucino · 22/11/2023 20:13

To be honest I’m mid 20s and this is the first wedding I’ve been invited to outside of family so I’m not 100% sure about etiquette with gifts

I have definitely over extended myself this month, her hen night was earlier this month too and that was at a restaurant with £100 per person spend plus travelling by train to another city.

I reckon in total I’ve already spent £500 this month on her wedding with the hen costs and hotel, travel, outfit and now the gift

OP posts:
Cosyblankets · 22/11/2023 20:14

50 quid for an acquaintance is a lot.
I've never given the amounts suggested on here.
Close friend maybe 50 at a push but no i think it's too much. And i would be horrified if someone was leaving themselves short to attend but wedding because they felt obliged.

Lizzieregina · 22/11/2023 20:16

If you can’t afford it, then you shouldn’t put in £50. But I also wonder why you’re going to great expense to attend the wedding of someone who’s not a close friend.

The magic number for us for weddings is $100 per person (in the US) and €100 pp when we’re in Ireland. Family members or best friends get more.

Also we’ve never not been invited to the whole wedding. Evening dos are not really a thing in the US.

bitchatty · 22/11/2023 20:16

whatmanmakescappucino · 22/11/2023 20:13

To be honest I’m mid 20s and this is the first wedding I’ve been invited to outside of family so I’m not 100% sure about etiquette with gifts

I have definitely over extended myself this month, her hen night was earlier this month too and that was at a restaurant with £100 per person spend plus travelling by train to another city.

I reckon in total I’ve already spent £500 this month on her wedding with the hen costs and hotel, travel, outfit and now the gift

for an acquaintance

You must really fancy going to a wedding outside family

Original poster
whatmanmakescappucino · 22/11/2023 20:17

with it being the first wedding I’ve been to, I didn’t realise how expensive it would be!

I definitely think the group chat has got carried away and I’d like to reel it in now

OP posts: