Wedding gift contribution

[whatmanmakescappucino]

I’m going to an ex-colleague’s wedding, we’re not particularly close. A colleague suggested 3 of us that are going chip in £50 each to get a gift for the couple. Aibu to think this contribution is too high? Baring in mind there will also be a cost to travel and hotel and AL

If you’re not that close why are you going? She clearly considers you a friend if she’s willing to spend money on you by inviting you.

So you were invited to the hen and wedding of someone you consider an acquaintance?? Seems like the B&G value your friendship more than you do. I'm Irish so any less than 50 as a gift would be absolutely unheard of!

We do £100 for family and close friends
£50 for everyone else.

I don't think 50 quid is particularly high, no, if you have been invited for the whole day. You also don't need to get them a gift - just put your 50 quid in an envelope. Tbh, if you felt like it was all financially too much for someone you're not particularly close to, you would have just declined the invite.

I have never paid £50 for a present for anyone who’s wedding I’ve been to. I don’t care what the ‘norm’ is, you should pay what you are comfortable with and can afford.

I can’t believe people believe £50 is acceptable. You give what you can. No way would I give £50 for a wedding present. £30 max

If you can’t afford it then I’d tell your friends you’ll do your own thing then just get them a nice card wishing them well etc

Seems odd that you keep saying that you don’t want to spend much on them because you’re not that close though - clearly close enough to be invited!

Of course relevant, don’t get a gift!! Just say you’ll put money in a card, and put £20 in

I can’t help thinking you’ve made this post up. On one hand you’ve said you’re more of an aquaintance and you’ve only seen her 3 times since you stopped working together and on the other hand you’ve also been on her hen night. Pull the other one

in which case, this really is a very bored and lonely OP!

Why on earth did you go to her hen do?

I'd literally just say "hey, I don't have the funds right now and as the invite said no gifts, I'm going to put cash in a card. Look forward to seeing you on the day!" It doesn't need to be a stressful situation.

if you were invited to the hen you must be more than an acquaintance. If you have been invited to the whole day then £50 is fair

You went to the hen night of an acquaintance? Why? You say you are skint but went to the hen do of an acquaintance, but are now being cheap about a gift

Poor advice….Would you be this cheap?🙄

Definitely don’t contribute £50 towards a £150 gift she doesn’t even want then.

Most of the time no gift = cash please. So give them £30 or so at the actual wedding.

I’d remind the other two that you’re going with that it’s likely a bit of a waste of money to give a gift that the bride and groom specifically said they don’t want.

The only times we have seen each other since she left office has been group outings such as a leaving do or her hen. We message on WhatsApp/group chats. She’s never been to my house. I haven’t spent time with her 1 to 1 since we worked together. I have tried to see her over time but she cancels last minute, which is why it’s been easier to meet in groups and also why I see her as an acquaintance. I have friends I see or speak to every week after all.

She might feel closer to me than I do her I suppose, or I could be a numbers invite. Regardless I can’t really say what my experience of wedding etiquette is as it’s the first invite of the kind I’ve received. It’s nice to be invited after all and I didn’t think through finances. Lesson learned for future

Also the right amount is very much a how long is a piece of string thing. £50 is too much if you actually can’t afford it.. no one who has any care for you wants you to go into your overdraft for the sake of a wedding gift. £50+ would be fine for those that can stretch to it .. but again - should be cash, not friends clubbing together to buy a nice set of silver cutlery or something when the bride doesn’t even want it.

The ‘etiquette’ is to gift the value of your plate (food).

Bearing in mind the couple are likely paying £100 per head - £50 would be the minimum I would contribute to a gift.

Okay so if the invite indicates no gifts, are gift cards also a no then?

I’m sitting here reading the comments praying I don’t get invited to anybody’s wedding any time soon. £50 is a lot in my opinion even for my friends, in fact personally I think wedding gifts are overrated. I’d be quite happy to get married and not receive any gifts at all. I’d say no and get a gift you can afford, £20 on a just eat card so they can put it towards nice meal or lay up the sofa with a pizza. Hen do’s are expensive, weddings are expensive, fuck me life is expensive. People should be grateful for any gift they get because it’s just that, a gift, not an entitlement.

If I wasn't that close I wouldn't be spending any money at all and I would have declined the invite.
I don't understand spending money in weddings unless it's someone you really care about.

I think £100 between the 3 of you would be fine , to be honest I got cash gifts for my wedding and I never really noticed who gave what - was just overwhelmed with overall generosity

You just decline the invite …easy….but you don’t get invited to a day do….spend loads of money on an outfit and hen do..then pass over 20 quid in an envelope ..it’s cheap

well that’s why I’d rather chip in to a combined gift card or cash from 3 of us. I think £100 is a good figure, around £30 each. It’s cheap but ultimately if funds don’t allow, better than nothing?

Also her hen dinner was arranged last minute as she didn’t initially want a hen, plus I was only invited to the wedding in September, so overall it’s not something I’ve been saving for or accounting for. I
myself got a new job in summer so my salary is better now but I’m still catching up from when I lived pay check to pay check eg credit card debt etc