Wedding gift contribution

[whatmanmakescappucino]

I’m going to an ex-colleague’s wedding, we’re not particularly close. A colleague suggested 3 of us that are going chip in £50 each to get a gift for the couple. Aibu to think this contribution is too high? Baring in mind there will also be a cost to travel and hotel and AL

Just tell your colleagues you'll do you own thing with the gift but thanks for offer of going in with them

If that's what they can afford that's what they can afford.

I give £30-40 for not close friends, more if closer, and £50-60 for family or very close friends.
In your situation I'd give £30. Tell the others you've budgeted £30 for the gift and are happy to contribute that to group present or will give it in the card if they want to do their own thing.

No gifts means they want cash.

Genuinely baffled that you see her as an acquaintance but were close enough to be invited to and attend her hen party. Does she have many friends?

Honestly this is such old fashioned nonsense.

it might be the case that if you can afford it, this is what you do

But my god, if I invited someone to my wedding and they could only afford a £20 gift then I’d be grateful for it. I’d hate to think about a friend stretching themselves by £50 for fear of me thinking they’re cheap. People should invite their friends to their wedding to celebrate with them, not to make money off them or to even cover their plate.

give what you can afford, not what some old fashioned rule says you should do

Are you only going in the evening?

Mm I'd probably do £20 if it was me. But I'm a bit stingy

She spends most her time with her fiancé’s family and her side of family. She is south Asian/Muslim so may have cultural expectations to be with family/in laws

At her hen, she had 2 friends there - the rest were family and the 3 of us mentioned in my OP who she met through work.

even amongst us 3, we don’t see her much either aside from those group outings. She’s a few years older than us so we just attribute this to her just being in a different stage of her life

Gifts aren’t mandatory. Not everyone has £50 to spare after the cost of going to a wedding. You go celebrate the two people getting married, I wouldn’t want anyone not to turn up to my wedding because they couldn’t afford a gift. And personally, I think if you receive a gift of £20 and think it’s cheap then it’s just a bit snobby. Surely you should be grateful for anything you receive.

20 pound???? In Ireland I know of one person ever who put less than €100 in the card 🙈🙈🙈 I want more UK based friends! The cost of weddings here is crippling me. 😅

Ok that sheds a lot of light. It could be that she doesn’t have many friends seeing as there were two other friends in addition to the three of you.

And Asian weddings always expect cash as gifts.

How much do you want to give?

Would you honestly rather your friend declined the invitation than come and only give £20?
Are you that shallow?

Have you considered Why are you going and paying for over night accommodation for an ex colleague you only call an acquaintance if you can't afford and begrudge £50 for a gift?

it’s more I don’t see it as a necessary expense today.

Today’s thoughts are is £50 worth putting on a credit card and being charged interest on? I have more than £50 in the bank but I have direct debits and a buffer to account for food and travel as wedding is 30 miles away. I wouldn’t want to dip my bank balance under a certain threshold in case of emergency, what if I need to travel home sooner? Should I just transfer it anyway? Or should I ask one of the colleagues to cover and I pay as soon as I get paid next week? But even then is £50 contribution necessary if it leads to me owing someone money?

I have definitely over extended myself. I’m 26 with my own home and recently got a payrise so am only just adjusting to the extra money, which doesn’t really go that far when bills have also increased. If I could redo this month with a proper budget, I would. Equally I’ll get paid soon and could just get her my own gift then.

If so that is extremely poor etiquette.

Friends and family with less money to spend on a wedding shouldn’t get as nice a gift?

Surely not. How vulgar and unpleasant.

Travel and hotel I think you can claim as being a cost of the wedding, but not an outfit! Same if you get your hair or nails done for it. No one's asked you to do that! Just wear something you already have and give the £50