Does anyone else fucking hate being busy?

[Justnoenergy]

It seems most people love being busy. Lots of comments about how they feel so much better, it distracts them from any anxiety, they get more productive the more they do, and so on.

I am the complete opposite. I feel a background tension and inability to relax if I have lots of stuff booked that I absolutely must do. It happens with things I really want to do just as much as something like a dental appointment.

I just find the constant having to plan to be somewhere and do the thing very difficult. I'm working very part time and sounds laughable but it feels like being battered against rocks some days.

I suspect I have very low energy even though I'm only in my thirties, due to chronic health issues but I also think it is psychological too, everything feels like constant mental stress and juggling. One of my illnesses is Type 1 Diabetes and dealing with it successfully takes so much mental input despite having the best modern gadgetry. Which incidentally failed last night (common, there is a problem making it temporarily useless about once a week) which means I had 4 hours sleep and spending the day trying to not die of low blood sugar while on my feet for a few hours at work.

Does anyone else detest being busy? Even if you enjoy the things you are doing? Do you feel you need far more down time than others?

I'm with you - I hate opening my diary to lots of plans in the evenings - that actually gives me anxiety. I've got absolutely nothing on any evening this week and it makes me so happy!

We all have different energy levels and you are dealing with a serious chronic illness. I’m amazed at people who want to be doing stuff all the time especially when people are just making work for themselves. I spoke to a mum who was saying how stressed she was preparing for her 2 year old’s birthday party where 45 children and their accompanying parents had been invited. She was clearly loving the ‘stress’ of something that, to me, sounds absolutely pointless. But yeah, I need a lot of down time. Always have done and have accepted that about myself as I’ve got older.

YANBU.

It's been a very busy year, I'm balancing a full time job with performance targets, I'm a single mum helping a stressed teen through his mocks, I have work needing to be done on the house. I haven't even thought about Xmas presents yet.

I want to be able to coast - just for a few weeks.

I think there’s a balance to be had. I like to be reasonably busy - at this time of year it can get a bit excessive, but then other months are quiet. I deal with it by remembering lockdown when I had nothing except work. I fucking hated that, so 🤷‍♀️

How strange - I am also in my 30s with T1 diabetes and I pretty much could have written this. I think it's more mental stress with me but the diabetes doesn't help, - especially as I get a lot of hormonal blood sugar fluctuations. I think I am also just naturally becoming more and more antisocial as I get older. All I want to do on a Friday night is chill out with a book and have an early night. I get really resentful when I have plans even if it's with someone I really like.

I am exactly the same. Down to being in my 30s with chronic health conditions causing low energy (and pain).

DH needs to be busy but I need downtime. This leads to me feeling guilty for having any downtime when he's around, not exactly his fault but he does always ask what I've been up to when he's not home and I've never been able give the often true answer of scrolling on my phone while watching TV until an hour / 15 mins etc before he's home or dd needs picking up etc when I have a manic session trying to fit in everything I should have done!

Also means holidays end up with me exhausted and needing to do nothing (during the day) the next few weeks as I've had to function so much more to cope with him. But he just doesn't get that I struggle so much. (I had to give up work a few years ago because of it.)

I have a young baby. Another mum I talk to at school pick up asked if I want to join her at a baby / toddler group. I don't really. But I like the person and don't want to just say no.

Yes, I'm like you. I loathe being busy.

I think perhaps it's a bit of an extrovert-or-introvert thing.

Some people find that being busy and having lots of appointments and social engagements is something they need to stay happy and energised.

But some people need more time to themselves, and feel miserable and knackered if they're constantly having to do stuff - even when it's things they enjoy.

It doesn't make any difference whether someone's chatty and confident or whether they're quiet and shy, either. Lots of seemingly very gregarious people can fall into the introvert camp.

Me

I've been a low energy person since birth

I think if you're type 1 you should give yourself a massive break. DS has it, it's bloody hard work ALL THE TIME, and frankly anyone who lives with it should pat themselves on the back several times a day (as you're expected just to get on with it, how hard can it be, by people who know nothing about it etc etc.). You're doing more than most people, every day - and with that constant management going on it's no wonder you feel busy. Sending big love.

When I am so busy I freeze. I hate it. I don’t want to be busy. I want to do my work then come home. I want to do what needs to be done. I want to go to events and parties that I want to go to because of the company that I choose to be around. I don’t want to overwork.

I think this hustle culture has also made us all believe that we are not doing enough if we are not doing something.

Bliss for me is having a whole week where I am home - yes I’ll do the cooking and cleaning and work from home on occasions and I have 1 tween - I want to be at home at 5pm with the option to have dinner, eat some ice cream and watch some TV (in the summer it looks like walking to a local restaurant or taking a walk to discover something new but having hours at my leisure to explore)

Most of the people who love being busy are people who get bored easily because they were rarely given independent time as children. I love having fun plans, but having an endless stream of things to do similarly makes me feel exasperated. Nothing better than having truly free time you can do whatever you like with, if you're inventive enough to entertain yourself

I absolutely hate being busy. I work long hours and do the bulk of housework so when I have a choice of relaxing I take it.

Today I don't have work, kids are at school, husband at work. I have relaxed at home. Heating and music on with a cuppa and a book. Absolute bliss. Really needed this as a recharge

I just find the constant having to plan to be somewhere and do the thing very difficult.

The amount of management it all takes only adds to the burden imo. Management should be a solution, but feels like yet another chore.
I was travelling home on the bus yesterday, it was only 4pm but it was nearly dark. That and the damp drizzle and the pile of chores waiting for me when I got home nearly drove me to tears - and I don't cry. The relentless stream of stuff that needs doing, and the effort of having to constantly manage how much energy I have to do them and how much pain I'll be in afterwards is getting on top of me.
IDK what the answer is. The only solution I can come up with is 'win the lottery and pay someone else to do it'.

I agree, being busy makes me feel really anxious and even panicky.

I need lots of downtime and relaxation and rest. I easily burn out and become ill if I don't allow time for rest.

My Mum recently said that she looks back on busy times of her life (young children, full-time career plus studying) as her happiest times. I actually laughed because I'm so different!

I love having nothing to do. I do a hobby two evenings a week, plus work, often out with family at the weekends - any free time after that lot I grab with both hands.

A friend who was studying psychology once told me ‘some people get their energy from other people, some people get their energy from things” by things she meant a book, or doing a craft, gardening, anything really.

The world is dominated by the first type, extroverts, so introvert types are made to feel like they aren’t being normal.

The world needs both types. You need to embrace your need for peace and own it. I have low energy and I am an introvert. I was married for years to an extrovert and made by him to be like him, even when it was bad for me, energy wise and mental health wise. I fought against my low energy for years, thinking it was laziness. I now know I can be productive and ‘busy’ but on my own terms. I am much happier.

As already stated as a diabetic you already have a huge mental load. Some people just process external sensory feeling differently and can easily be overwhelmed by bright lights and too much noise, etc, etc.

I sometimes feel sorry for those endlessly chasing their own tails, trying to find the next dopamine hit, when we can experience it sitting at home reading.

When I feel down I go onto Pinterest and type in introvert and read all the memes and humorous stuff posted that point out how normal and great not being an extrovert is.

This is who you are, don’t fight it, just go with the flow.

I remember watching a program on tv about South American ‘primitive’ people who still live in small groups in the jungle unconnected to modern life.

What struck me was once hunting and food, water and other basic needs were met, they just hung around chatting. There was no busyness at all.

Me - I actually work pretty hard to avoid being busy. It's not how I want to live my life at all.

I have friends who either love it or feel they should be busy-busy. They tell me how busy they are, they tell me the seventeen things they need to do today, and all I'm thinking is "if that is how you want to live, great, but please don't make me listen because it is boring. Just go and do it, and I will drink tea and read about great camps in the Adirondacks."

I agree it's a balance. If I'm not busy I can be bored and overthink. On the other hand if I'm too busy I get overwhelmed. I also find I have times where I need to be busier/quieter I.e I try not to plan too much in around when my period is due.

I'm with you OP. Fellow T1 in mid 30s here. The thing that helps me best not only take my mind off general anxiety levels as well as keep my BS in decent ranges is exercise but now the working day seems to be so long and heaving, and the hours to be able to do anything else like go to the post office become less and less, being able to fit in anything else whilst still keeping the exercise is torture sometimes. I'd love to work 10-4 to just give me that bit more time each day, but my budget won't take the cuts. It's going to send me to an early(er than T1 probably already will) grave!

I've never been a social butterfly and very happy with my own company. Having 3 DC has forced me to be more social, but I don't enjoy being busy all the time. For some reason society equates being busy and a full social calendar with being popular, exciting and worthy. Being busy is seen as far more preferable than a quiet life. However, I like the simple life and finding joy in little pleasures. I have no interest in rushing from place to place and chasing my tail. I seek out a quiet life with peaks of excitement!

I’ve never had much energy either. I used to be able to manage, but raising two ND children has wrecked my mental health. Physically, I can manage as long as I stay in my routine but most of my day consists of self care and dog walking and I have a small window to try to work and often I’m too exhausted. It’s very very frustrating because I’m too well to claim PIP and the only way they’d grant it would be for me to stop taking care of myself and become more ill/disabled…which of course I don’t want to do. I’m diagnosed with Asperger’s.

I find the whole ‘Get a job!’ And ‘work ethic bollocks’ on here quite upsetting because I just can’t do what other people do. And no one really gets it because I look healthy.

I am the same. I'm an introvert - even though I like and need people, it takes energy from me to be around them. (extroverts gain energy from being around others).
I really need a significant amount of downtime on my own every day or I get stressed.

Yes! I book lots of things into the diary, say "Yes" to lots, then feel an absolute sense of dread that I have so much coming up. 99% of things are activities that I know I/we will really enjoy, but then I feel stressed that my schedule is so full and count down to days when I have nothing on.
I like doing stuff and force myself to go places for the sake of the kids, but ultimately I'm a home bird who likes lots of days in front of me, where I know I don't have to go anywhere if I don't want to.

It's subjective.

I have a serious, life-long illness and find being very busy helps. I work full time (at least 6 days a week), study, volunteer etc.

I feel better having plans, being around people I like and having noise (podcasts etc). Can't stand free time - makes me feel depressed or anxious.

I do not like being busy - I had dinner with friends 10 days ago, now I have a drinks thing tonight and am feeling like I'm being soooo sociable 😝

I have an autoimmune disease and am autistic - I think I just need way more time to recharge than most, but I'm totally fine with that!