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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"I'd love to show you off to my friends"

61 replies

AddieLarue · 21/11/2023 12:00

Hi everyone. I went on a date at the weekend and half way through the night he told me he'd love to show me off to his friends. The next day my friend asked me how the date went and I told her about it.

We have different opinions about this comment and I wondered what other people think.

One of us thinks it's perfectly fine and a nice thing to say. That every guy should feel proud of the person he is with and want to show them off and it's a compliment. He obviously feels lucky to be dating me.

The other thinks it's a bit of a weird and icky thing to say and might be a bit of a red flag as it's possibly quite objectifying?

Obviously it's not a big deal, it's not that deep, he hasn't done anything awful. Just wondered how other people would take this comment. Would it put you off or would you feel flattered?

OP posts:
sweetpickle23 · 21/11/2023 12:02

Was it a first date? If so, major ick. He doesn't know you so can't really want to "show you off" as anything other than a trophy.

If you've been dating a few weeks/months, then I'd perhaps take it more as he wants you to meet his friends to show off all the wonderful things about you. Still a weird way to phrase that though if it's about anything more than looks.

Lentilweaver · 21/11/2023 12:03

put me off, but I would wait and see if he got any better.

PureHoney · 21/11/2023 12:03

It’s not great, for the reasons stated. However if he’s generally a nice chap and hasn’t given you any reason to think this is what he’s like, he may just have expressed himself poorly so it wouldn’t put me off.

AbcXyz1234 · 21/11/2023 12:03

Honestly? It's a bit clumsy but no big deal on it's own. I can see the potential for it signifying a certain set of attitudes.... But I can also see how it's a perfectly nice thing to want your friends to meet the lovely person you've met - and you just didn't put that in very elegant terms.

Unless there is anything else that's been said, I wouldn't worry too much.

gannett · 21/11/2023 12:08

When I met DP I wanted to show him off to my friends, and told him so. I was enthusiastic about having met someone so great!

If he's shallow or objectifying or sees you as a trophy, you'll be able to tell this from his overall attitude, not just one comment.

Original poster
AddieLarue · 21/11/2023 12:09

It was only our first date. He seemed fine other than that but again.. it's only a first date

OP posts:
Nagado · 21/11/2023 12:12

It would certainly make me pay a bit more attention to everything else he’s saying and doing.

Time will tell but I’d be cautious in your shoes.

LoveThisDog · 21/11/2023 12:14

I wouldn't like it. You are not a possession or a trophy to be showed off. It would make me think he sees women in quite an old fashioned way. But if he was otherwise a good date I would still go on a another to see how it goes.

Thewondererhasreturned · 21/11/2023 12:16

That would give me the creeps personally like your a piece of meat or a showpiece just especially on a first date its a bit too much for me, I dislike it when men don't like me for me for my personality and my beliefs and instead just see beauty as being on the outside.

meganorks · 21/11/2023 12:20

As a stand alone comment I wouldn't be concerned but if there were other things it might be a worry. Although, to be honest, I would personally be more concerned it was a bit full on for a first date rather than the actual phrasing.

piscofrisco · 21/11/2023 12:21

What @gannett said.

TotalOverhaul · 21/11/2023 12:23

Hmm. I used to be flattered by that comment. But it usually comes with an attitude that you are a trophy that must perform to the man's head-script not an autonomous and imperfect person in your own right. What happens if his friends are unimpressed? Will you dip in his estimation because you didn't earn him any kudos points with his mates or will he use his own brain to work out what he thinks of you unaided by peer review?

Like others say, keep an eye out for more twattish behaviour or attitudes and ditch him if he shows any.

TotalOverhaul · 21/11/2023 12:24

gannett · 21/11/2023 12:08

When I met DP I wanted to show him off to my friends, and told him so. I was enthusiastic about having met someone so great!

If he's shallow or objectifying or sees you as a trophy, you'll be able to tell this from his overall attitude, not just one comment.

But did you say it on the first date? Or once you knew what an all-round great catch he was?

Original poster
AddieLarue · 21/11/2023 12:26

I wasn't too sure if I wanted a second date due to the comment but my friend thinks I'm being silly and he was just being nice. It's hard to tell from just a couple of hours what he's like. The rest of the date seemed fine but he is a bit showy off. The comment just stuck out to me as being odd

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 21/11/2023 12:27

First date but how much chat did you do before? As in does he actually have a grasp of who YOU are or did he look at tits and ass and think yeah the lads will think I'm punching up and my cock is massive and mighty?

Original poster
AddieLarue · 21/11/2023 12:31

@SleepingStandingUp it was very fast. We matched on a dating app on Wednesday and the date was Saturday

OP posts:
OhComeOnFFS · 21/11/2023 12:32

If it comes immediately after a first date I'd assume he meant "Look what I've managed to pull".

LemonLight · 21/11/2023 12:34

I feel a bit hypocritical here because my husband who I've been with for 10+ years and I say it to each other in a jokey affectionate way, but if a person I had just started dating said it to me I'd probably be a bit icked out. I guess it would come down to what they're like as a person and how they delivered the line.

Tandora · 21/11/2023 12:35

On a first date that’s definitely ick factor/ a red flag. (Later down the line it would be sweet/ a complement).

DuploTrain · 21/11/2023 12:36

Well you know how he said it, and whether it was icky or just a clumsy way of saying something nice.

If that was the only thing and you had a nice time otherwise I would be tempted to give him another chance.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 21/11/2023 12:37

I'm long past the stage where anyone might want to show me off, but the comment would put me off. It's very objectifying and it tells you quite a lot about how he sees women.

27icey · 21/11/2023 12:40

It's a really grim red flag comment for a first date. I've had several bfs say this to me but it was in a cheeky flattering kind of way after we had been seeing each other for a while, not on a first date!!

Notmetoo · 21/11/2023 12:42

It would definitely put me off. It turns you into a possession he wants to brag about.

MushMonster · 21/11/2023 12:45

After a few dates, on the stage of getting steady, great sign.
On a first date! Like no! Does he think he won you or something?

JL690 · 21/11/2023 12:45

It would put me off if he'd made comments like that all through the date. A one-off comment? I'd still think it was a bit off, maybe down to nerves, but it wouldn't put me off a second date.