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Original poster

"I'd love to show you off to my friends"

61 replies

AddieLarue · 21/11/2023 12:00

Hi everyone. I went on a date at the weekend and half way through the night he told me he'd love to show me off to his friends. The next day my friend asked me how the date went and I told her about it.

We have different opinions about this comment and I wondered what other people think.

One of us thinks it's perfectly fine and a nice thing to say. That every guy should feel proud of the person he is with and want to show them off and it's a compliment. He obviously feels lucky to be dating me.

The other thinks it's a bit of a weird and icky thing to say and might be a bit of a red flag as it's possibly quite objectifying?

Obviously it's not a big deal, it's not that deep, he hasn't done anything awful. Just wondered how other people would take this comment. Would it put you off or would you feel flattered?

OP posts:
Younghearts · 21/11/2023 12:49

It wouldn’t be a total red flag for me. A little cringe, but he could have just meant you’re super pretty and he is proud to be dating you. Just said it in a bit of an icky way. Or shouldn’t have been said at all… would see how the next date goes and go from there

CharlotteBog · 21/11/2023 12:53

I wouldn't mind "I'd love you to meet my friends". That would indicate to me that he was excited about how well we'd hit it off on a first date, and that he thought I was fab.

I don't want to be shown off to anyone. I am not a thing.

HolySkirts · 21/11/2023 12:59

I wouldn't be inclined to see someone who said that again, or would certainly be regarding him with more critical eyes. It sounds both very juvenile and like someone with skewed priorities -- surely it's important what he thinks of you himself, rather than his friends?

Crikeyalmighty · 21/11/2023 13:01

If you liked him I would take it as just a poor choice of words and give the guy a chance- any further signs though that you are just a nice 'look what I bagged' to mates and it's thanks but no thanks

scoobydoo1971 · 21/11/2023 13:02

Love bombing as a strategy to get sex. Pretending there is a future including social events with friends to make you think he is serious...run!

MightyGoldBear · 21/11/2023 13:02

Big Red flag. It would put me off a second date he sounds like a project at best.

It's a problematic phrase. You're not a possession You're a person. It's very different from saying my friends would love your personality.

Just the mindset alone to want to show off anything is a big ick to me. It isn't the sign of a mature mindful person.

Be interesting to see how he treats and speaks of other women in his life or in general. Who is he following on instagram or tik tok does he view women as purely sexual objects.

Birdcar · 21/11/2023 13:02

It's just an expression.
I doubt he meant it literally.

Frisate · 21/11/2023 13:20

I’ve been on the receiving end of one of those comments and it wasn’t good. Turned out he was a massive twat who was looking for someone who was, in his eyes, pretty, smart and naïve, someone who was submissive and that his friends would see as a ‘good girl’, not someone who had dated around, etc. Safe to say he wasn’t very good at reading people and things did not last long after I realised what he meant with that comment. I hope in your case it means something totally different 💐

BlueGrey1 · 21/11/2023 13:21

Hard to tell yet whether it’s a red flag, maybe it was his clumsy way of paying you a compliment, I wouldn’t not go on a second date with him because of that alone.

Some men (and women) have a habit of putting their foot in it.

NotLactoseFree · 21/11/2023 13:22

Personally, it would give me the ick. especially t first date stage when it would feel entirely about looks and status.

I'd like to think that if I've been dating someone for a while, that they'd like me to meet their friends and they'd be proud to have found someone who they think is great. But that doesn't feel like the situation here.

Was it said in the context of you looking good/flirty banter?

Topjoe19 · 21/11/2023 13:24

Give him another chance I think. You'll soon know if he's a dick or if it was just a clumsy comment. He was probably really excited to meet you & knew his friends would like you.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/11/2023 13:31

AddieLarue · 21/11/2023 12:31

@SleepingStandingUp it was very fast. We matched on a dating app on Wednesday and the date was Saturday

So I'd think either "yeah mate I'm punching" or "flattery will get me laid". But if he seemed otherwise nice, I'd go for a second date and just be cautious. It could have been nerves, trying to tell you he wanted to see you again etc

susiedaisy1912 · 21/11/2023 13:32

I would go on another date but don't disregard this comment. He may have been nervous and blurted it out thinking he was flattering you. See how the second date goes.

MaliciaKeys · 21/11/2023 13:41

Looking on the bright side, he's paid you a clumsy compliment. Alternatively, he could be a complete twat who is already thinking of you as his possession. I would give him a chance and go on a second date before you throw him back in the sea.

Original poster
AddieLarue · 21/11/2023 13:47

Thanks for the comments everyone. I think I will go on a second date with him and see.. I don't know if his age makes a difference. He is 36. Coming from someone that age just seems really cringe and like he should know better than to make a comment like that. But I think I will give him the benefit of the doubt

OP posts:
therealcookiemonster · 21/11/2023 13:52

if you are a prize horse/poodle/kitty cat - absolutely fine..

otherwise ... 🤢

FirstTime8717 · 21/11/2023 13:57

Context is everything and the fact that it was your first date is a red flag. But it could just be clumsy so maybe give it a second date and then decide.

My DP said this but we'd been dating 4 months and he prefaced it with a sort of "you're just the best" so it was about being in love and wanting to introduce me to his friends not about being a trophy!

CaptainJackSparrow85 · 21/11/2023 14:51

I think the only thing that matters is how you feel about it, and you didn’t like it.

itsmylife7 · 21/11/2023 14:55

Personally I'd take it as an insult.

I'm not a fucking "thing" to be shown off as your eye candy.

Your call OP

GoingOffOnATangent · 21/11/2023 14:57

First date!? 36! Massive cringe. I'd have the ick and there would be no more dates.

GoingOffOnATangent · 21/11/2023 14:59

He thinks you're 'out of his league' so he isn't even seeing you as an interesting person who he's clicked with and feels a connection, he sees you as a hotty to boast about.
If he 'gets sex' with you, he'll be internally high fiving. 🤮

OkayScooby · 21/11/2023 15:48

Depends if you're much younger than him. If no, benefit of the doubt. If yes, he's made it clear what he wants you for.

Newsenmum · 21/11/2023 15:57

The fact it made you feel icky is what’s important

MightyGoldBear · 21/11/2023 16:13

As women we are socialised to not listen to our own internal gut feelings we are always told oh give him a chance see if you can grow to like him/give him the benefit of the doubt. It's just another extension of the be a nice girl smile be a pretty girl 🤢
I have never heard a man being told this it's accepted they go for what they want and if they don't like a person no one persuades them otherwise. Their preference is respected. But for women it's all we have too high standards and are unreasonable.

By all means do what you want to do OP but make sure you listening to your gut and it's what you want. You don't owe anyone anything. You're absolutely worthy of a fantastic first date that absolutely blows you away ticks all your boxes and doesn't leave you feeling icky.

36 and wanting to show you off to his presumably other 36 year old ish friends after a first date doesn't give anyone good vibes.

mistletoeplates · 21/11/2023 16:17

He sees women as objects.