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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why you chose to stick with just one DC

108 replies

adotonthespectrum · 20/11/2023 14:54

Curious. After lots of soul searching we think practically this would be best for our family but the biggest factor keeping us on the fence is that we wouldn’t want them to be lonely and miss out on valuable life lessons that a sibling can bring.

Every other reason though points towards having one for us: finances are FAR easier (childcare is so extortionate!), energy, time for one another, maintaining careers, house size, providing support for DC when they become an adult with things like house deposit, driving lessons, uni, wedding

It’s so tricky to know what’s best and what you will/won’t regret

OP posts:
Original poster
adotonthespectrum · 21/11/2023 20:37

kikisparks · 21/11/2023 20:09

Have one DD aged 2. So many reasons we won’t have more:

Time- for ourselves as a couple, we can continue to put a lot of time into supporting each other and nurturing our relationship, to be honest our previously rock solid marriage has taken a hit since DD was born and I’m not sure having a second would allow us to put the work in that we need to. Also For for ourselves alone, we can continue with hobbies or simply have me time whilst the other parent cares for DD. For DD, we will have more time to give her to listen to her and ensure she is supported and her needs are met- I’m sure many parents manage to do this for two or more children but I think I do better one on one.

Money- less childcare costs , less food bills, easier for us to both work full time, less worry over money, can do more experiences with DD and hopefully support her more in adulthood with uni, deposits etc if she wants, can save more and put more in pension, have more holidays, have a cleaner and other things to enhance our lives. More IVF would be expensive.

Energy- have less drudgery (cleaning, washing, cooking etc find it hard enough with one) not having to devote more energy to IVF, more peaceful home, less chance of being burnt out and a lower mental load.

Health- less chance of birth injuries, PND, pelvic floor issues, breastfeeding related issues, pregnancy related weight gain, not having to go through morning sickness again, better peace of mind and less stressed, avoiding further IVF injections, procedures, medications and potential miscarriages. Can focus on treating my endometriosis now rather than putting that on the back burner to TTC. DH has mental health issues he currently usually copes well but which are aggravated the more stress we put in the mix. Worry over a potential second having health issues and impact of that on DD.

Age- just personally for me I don’t want to be older than I am now having a child and I don’t want one now, Should hopefully still be relatively young and healthy when DD reaches adulthood.

Environment.

Thank you for summarising, sounds wonderful. The drudgery is not to be underestimated I feel!

OP posts:
Frosty1000 · 21/11/2023 21:00

The decision was made for me as we had to have IVF for my only with a very slim chance of 10% of getting an egg. I consider myself very fortunate as others who do treatment may not have the same outcome.

In any case if I could have had another my non sleeping breastfeeding addict would have put me right off. He didn't sleep more than 3 hours in a row until he was 5 and fed for years so I was the walking dead 😆

Meadowlands · 21/11/2023 21:09

A lot of the parents I know with more than one say that together their children are a nightmare, always arguing, but on their own they are lovely.
Having an only means you just get the lovely bit !
Never regretted it for a minute and ds has loads of friends but enjoys being an only.

Original poster
adotonthespectrum · 21/11/2023 21:16

Meadowlands · 21/11/2023 21:09

A lot of the parents I know with more than one say that together their children are a nightmare, always arguing, but on their own they are lovely.
Having an only means you just get the lovely bit !
Never regretted it for a minute and ds has loads of friends but enjoys being an only.

Thank you

OP posts:
CyberCritical · 21/11/2023 21:34
  • Took 3 years to get pregnant and we didn't want to spend any of DDs life feeling miserable because we couldn't conceive a sibling.
  • Our house has 2 big bedrooms and a box room so perfect for 1 child.
  • We could financially afford 1 child in nursery and wraparound care
Original poster
adotonthespectrum · 23/11/2023 18:26

CyberCritical · 21/11/2023 21:34

  • Took 3 years to get pregnant and we didn't want to spend any of DDs life feeling miserable because we couldn't conceive a sibling.
  • Our house has 2 big bedrooms and a box room so perfect for 1 child.
  • We could financially afford 1 child in nursery and wraparound care

This makes sense. Especially your first reason! Really selfless and putting DD first

OP posts:
meggy96 · 23/11/2023 21:25

I don't yet have any DC but I myself am an only child and wanted to add some reassurance that I was never lonely; I also didn't seem to develop any of the syndrome traits people talk of only children as having (entitlement, inability to share etc) and as others have mentioned I have a particularly lovely relationships with my parents -- I would myself consider just having one!

Original poster
adotonthespectrum · 23/11/2023 21:30

meggy96 · 23/11/2023 21:25

I don't yet have any DC but I myself am an only child and wanted to add some reassurance that I was never lonely; I also didn't seem to develop any of the syndrome traits people talk of only children as having (entitlement, inability to share etc) and as others have mentioned I have a particularly lovely relationships with my parents -- I would myself consider just having one!

That’s so positive to hear :)

OP posts:
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