Is this a thing? Or is my friend deluded about her dc?

[in183]

Friend has a one year old, who will grab your arm/hand to make you press a button or point to something. Friend is ADAMANT that after having five children that she knows it is a sign of extreme intelligence. I’ve recently had a child and I’m being asked almost every few days if they’ve started to do it. Maybe I’m just sleep deprived but I think it’s absolutely crazy (and bloody annoying to be asked all the time). She is smart generally but I honestly can’t get my head around why she feels so strongly about it!!! Is this a thing?

I also have a friend who thinks her child is the next Einstein because he has hit all his milestones on time. She makes a big deal of telling me how much more smart he is compared to her other friends babies. He started crawling at 8 months and she told me it was mega early (despite me knowing it’s an average age to start) I think there’s one thing being proud of your baby hitting milestones, and being really deluded into thinking your baby is extremely intelligent and above all other babies.

Your friend is one of these. My friends 11 month old can do what your friends baby can do, I didn’t realise it was anything special just developmental milestones. She needs to stop asking constantly, she is basically trying to say “well my baby done it so why can’t yours!”

😂 yes any response along these lines but careful if you value the friendship Although right now it sounds like an energy drain.

I'd just say haha it's pretty unlikely that both our kids will turn out to be extremely intelligent isn't it? And change the subject

how much more smart he is compared to her other friends babies. He started crawling at 8 months and she told me it was mega early

I hate to disappoint her, but control over motor abilities has got nothing to do with intellectual capacity

Edit for spelling

@Emotionalsupportviper Honestly I love her to bits but she told me her son was advanced because he was teething early. He still has no teeth cut, and was clearly jealous when my baby 2 months younger cut 2 teeth before hers. 🤣

My child was unusually precocious about certain things before 1y. Turns out he is autistic. When he makes the tiniest bit of progress I am blown away. But realistically he is behind his peers by 2-3 years in communication skills and academically and it's really not what I thought bringing up a child would be like.

Just ignore her.

This.

My DS has ASD. He was a late communicator and he definitely used to hand lead and use my hand to push buttons etc when he was a toddler. One of his many red flags. He was DXed with autism at 3yo. He didn't really talk until he was 4 and even then it was mainly echolalia.

However, I guess it's likely that hand leading is more common among those with a speech delay or those young 'bright' children who haven't mastered speech yet. What was obvious with my DS was that he didn't show any signs of joint attention until he was much older than average, ie he didn't try to draw my attention to anything and I found it hard to get him to follow me pointing anything out.

My one year old does this and is, so far, developmentally average/ a little towards the back of the milestones curve but well within the bounds of normative.

I’ve had three, I’ve got absolutely no idea what she’s talking about.

I think you should be careful of friendships that are competitive around children's development and potentially dent your confidence as a parent. Which isn't to say block her on all socials lol, but just be a bit boundaried.

Pointing, leading you to something etc was a question during my son’s development due to his severe autism. Obviously there were lots of other signs such as grouping toys in colours or patterns eg cars in a line of red blue green red blue green etc. I’d be looking to see if there were other things there that indicate autism. My son is in a SEN school, didn’t talk until 6 1/2 & has debilitating sensory & anxiety issues however he is really intelligent too. He just can’t cope with the pressures of schooling but knows so much about so much!

Regardless of what 'hand-leading' does/doesn't indicate, it's incredibly weird of her to keep on about. Very strange thing for her to be obsessed about. I think I would be inclined to come right out and ask her why she's so fixated on this and ask her to stop because you're finding it really weird.

I think if someone wants to think that their child is super clever, then just let them get on with it. If your own mum can't think you are the best at everything then who can

Love it!

My aunt was constantly CONSTANTLY asking me if my (tiny newborn) son had any teeth, and then gurning if I said no, as if I had some control over it. I was getting this sinking failure feeling about it all.
Then after a while I realised it was a bit funny (and he also grew teeth) but it was good learning for me as a new mother, because we have NO control over any of it.

Just laugh it off.

Some parents will clutch at every straw to suggest their kids are exceptional. 🙄 By definition, most kids aren't. And it's not a sign of good parenting to suggest to them otherwise.

Tell her you are so jealous, he obviously has a great career ahead of him as a lift attendant.

My son is autistic and hand leads and did from before he could walk. He'd grab my hand and hold it in the direction of the thing he wanted.

That's not to say he's not intelligent though, it just means he has a disability as well.

But I don't see it as an indicator of intelligence.

Ask her in what study / research article does it state that Hand leading is a sign of extreme intelligence as you cant find any and other people that you have spoken to have said it is more likely to be a sign of ND.
Also not all kids have the same habits whether they are intelligent or not, It is also way to early to be able to say a 1 yo has extreme intelligence, she is talking rubbish

That's why it's a potential indicator of ND.

For my son, he is a sensory avoider.

He doesn't like the feeling of touching things. So like a monkey with a stick, my own hand being the stick, he would grab it and press the button or touch the thing.

He's 4 now and turning into quite the sensory seeker now and although still hand leads, he is also independent enough to get things himself now, or press things that need to be pressed. He'll also put gloves on to do it if he thinks it's going to be touch much for him to handle.

Best thing to do is nod and smile. I had a mum at pg say to me ‘my two year old can count to x amount of numbers, I can tell she’s going to be clever’. Mmm. My 2 year old (at the time) knew his times tables up to x13, could write out the answer on paper if you wrote out a sum. He also hand lead me everywhere. He’s autistic (obviously 🤣) but making comparisons just upsets people. Nod and smile every time. Bit of a taboo thing to say, but I’d have much rather my child be not doing all these marvellous tricks (because realistically that’s what they are) than have to struggle with everything else that comes with ASD. Everything balances out in the end though.

My autistic children started to lead with hands instead of talking, one child is still nonverbal at 3 and leads by hand where she wants to go or if she wants something.

It is what it is with kids why is she so obsessed about it anyways? There are many genius kids it doesn't mean they will 100% become billionaires/millionaires. Some kids genius fades away when they become adults, some go on to work an average job etc.

I would suggest to your friend that she makes a note of this as part of a diary of development - it might be enjoyable for her to look back on later but it will also come in very handy if her child ever has an asd assessment as there is a of focus on the first 5 years and I can be really hard to remember.

My child was assessed at 8 and I remember hand leading/using someone else’s hand to point was one of the questions. It’s one of the more well known potential “signs” I think, is it possible that your friend is aware of this and is actually concerned, and that is why she keeps asking you if your DC is doing the same?

🤣 love it