Is this a thing? Or is my friend deluded about her dc?

[in183]

Friend has a one year old, who will grab your arm/hand to make you press a button or point to something. Friend is ADAMANT that after having five children that she knows it is a sign of extreme intelligence. I’ve recently had a child and I’m being asked almost every few days if they’ve started to do it. Maybe I’m just sleep deprived but I think it’s absolutely crazy (and bloody annoying to be asked all the time). She is smart generally but I honestly can’t get my head around why she feels so strongly about it!!! Is this a thing?

The child sounds positively a menace and needs to learn some manners. One of my children was "gifted" and he didn't carry on like this. I know lots of parents of very clever children and have never heard any reports that this was a thing.

"a menace" 🤣 it's a baby !!

Just say, “I don’t care about milestones, she will do it when she’s ready. Please stop asking’

Comparing babies’ intelligence is a well known sign of stupidity and tiresomeness. If your friend is doing this I’d draw it to her attention so she can seek help.

Why not try: “yep and she’s only 7mo”

That will probably shut her up. Or make her much worse.

Well neurodivergence and high intelligence can be linked. My friends DD was a week apart from my DS and she was leaps and bounds ahead of DS in speech, reading, at school etc. She is also autistic.

Both my ND children do the hand dragging thing, it was actually brought up in their autism screening as toddlers.

Just ask her to stop asking.

Well neurodivergence and high intelligence can be linked.

I really, really don’t think anyone needs this explained to them.

What do you call it when women mansplain?

P.S. hooting at the idea of a 1YO menace…

I wonder if someone has told her this means her kid is bright? The reason I say that is I’ve also heard it before, my niece did it, and my mum claimed I did this and that it is certain proof a child is very bright. It was probably in Doctor Spock😂
Just ignore her, either way, some of us are annoyingly competitive when we have small children. And big ones!

Say to her "No, he doesn't need to point, he tells me what he wants using full sentences. Doesn't yours do that yet?"

My youngest who is speech delayed hand led constantly and I asked my best friend who is a speech and language therapist about it because I had heard about the link to ASD though realistically I couldn't see anything else that would indicate that. She said that it can be a sign but most children who are speech delayed will show some hand leading because its a method to get what they need without speaking.

My one year old sends me a WhatsApp when her nappy needs to be changed😁

My youngest DS didn't say a word until he was 3yo . The things people said about him. Varied from Einstein to severe intellectual disability depending upon who you spoke to. Not ND. Just him.Never shut up once he started talking though. Never had one of my four do the hand dragging thing. Seems quite an intelligent to do to me as they are making sure you know what they want. People get hung up on things . Ignore, smile and nod.

I think it's more intelligent for them just to push the button or point themselves. Weird to do it via someone else's hand.

My oldest did this. He is nuerodiverse but also very bright. He has been assessed as being well above average in maths and reading. Intelligence and nuerodiversity are different things.

Anyway OP it must be frustrating but as a mum of 3 I can assure you kids develop different skills at time different times. It's not a competition and don't let her make you feel it is. My youngest probably developed quicker than my older 2 as he has older siblings to copy. This helped him but also comes with negatives as they learn things you don't always want them to.

Is it heck!
Children who have not yet learned to talk may well use hand leading to get what they want, it doesn’t mean they’re ’neurodivergent’!

Maybe you should ask your friend if she’s ok. It’s seems a pretty strange thing to keep asking you. Maybe she’s very anxious about her baby generally.

I remember this tedious nonsense, I used to shut it down with "I just hope he's a good average". People know you're opting out of the bragathon.
My second child scored superior in a cognitivev function test but as I always knew, it's the social and emotional skills that are more nebulous that are holding him back, frustrated, his perception of himself is that he's a genius and now he's exasperated that other skills he can't see/learn allow others to overtake him

That’s weird! I’d just reply with a jokey answer so she hopefully gets the message and stops asking, eg “Yes, my baby does that sometimes when they want a pen to do the Times cryptic crossword”.

My son did this. Still does and he’s an adult. He’s non-verbal, autistic and has severe learning disabilities (which doesn’t mean he’s anything ‘less’ than someone super bright).

That's interesting. I didn't know that.

My eldest did this and was DX with autism at 2 and a half.

He'd take our hands and direct them to what he wanted. Particularly nice when what he wanted was to see how hot something was 😂

Three neurodivese children one hand leads one spoke at an early age one walked at an early age two stutter one severely one top notch pupil one barely scraping by one hopefully going to special school he cannot cope in mainstream all three autistic

My point is indicators are indicators not necessarily proof of absolutes

He's also very intelligent. Got a 2.1 in his degree and is now doing his masters.

That's interesting. I have 3 Autistic DC and have never even heard of it. Never been asked about it by any of the various therapists we've worked with or the psychologist that diagnosed them. One did point and wave, I'm not sure the other 2 have ever pointed at anything using their hand or mine.

Some more mothers are truly nuts. One of my colleagues had an 18 months old who was going through a bit of a funny spell mood-wise. She read developmental literature and decided the child was frustrated because “he was developmentally 3 years old trapped in 18-month-old body”. We heard about it for about a week and then it turned out that the child had an infection and was acting out because he felt poorly.
I would just request that she stops asking or, if I liked her a lot, would ask here of there was anything she is worried about.