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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate this girl

70 replies

Xoxgossipgirl · 19/11/2023 22:59

God this girl. Just had an argument tonight after it’s all built up after months of her flirting with my boyfriend, using her mental health as an excuse to be a bitch, causing drama over anything and everything, and then when I finally snap I’m a ‘horrible person with an attitude problem’. So basically, it’s fine for her to act inappropriately with everyone because she has mental health problems, but when I get pissed off with her treating me like shit for months on end and putting up with it, I’m the problem?

OP posts:
Abstractreader · 19/11/2023 23:03

There's not a whole lot of info there OP and just off the back of that I'd say YANBU.

But honestly why hadn't your BF stepped in, told her to stop, that's it's disrespectful?

This sounds too much like high school drama and I can't and don't have those people in my life. Peace disrupters.

Tothemoonandbackx · 19/11/2023 23:21

Some people just love playing the Maytre. But again, not enough information to make a judgement either way, could you possibly elaborate????

ChellyT · 19/11/2023 23:32

Don't let that fvcker invalidate your own feelings and state! Distance is want you need and if she wants your BF and he doesn't put up boundary let her have him

foreverdusting · 19/11/2023 23:34

ChellyT · 19/11/2023 23:32

Don't let that fvcker invalidate your own feelings and state! Distance is want you need and if she wants your BF and he doesn't put up boundary let her have him

Why is she a fucker? We literally have no context to any of what’s happened.

Seaglass7 · 19/11/2023 23:35

We need a bit more context, OP.

What are her MH problems?

Hotchocolatemousse · 19/11/2023 23:37

Gosh another 15 year old keyboard warrior who has stayed up past their bedtime. You sound like a teenager, I hope you are because it'll be sad if you're an adult behaving like this.

vodkaredbullgirl · 19/11/2023 23:39

😕

Original poster
Xoxgossipgirl · 19/11/2023 23:40

Hotchocolatemousse · 19/11/2023 23:37

Gosh another 15 year old keyboard warrior who has stayed up past their bedtime. You sound like a teenager, I hope you are because it'll be sad if you're an adult behaving like this.

I’m 18 lol

OP posts:
PinkFrogss · 19/11/2023 23:42

What boundaries has you boyfriend put in place to make it clear the flirting is both unwanted and inappropriate? He sounds like half the problem.

Lovemychair · 19/11/2023 23:42

Can't you just avoid her, or get your boyfriend to put a stop to it?

ilovesooty · 19/11/2023 23:43

No one can do anything with your boyfriend if he doesn't want them to so why does her behaviour matter so much?

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/11/2023 23:44

I’m 18 lol

OK so you're learning. So's she.

FWIW the experience of age is this... Tell your BF he can have a fun time with her flirting or b with you, not both. If he stops letting her do it, she will move on to someone else.

Original poster
Xoxgossipgirl · 19/11/2023 23:44

She asked him to put his location on and when he said why she said so she can see when he’s at college etc so he said er no that’s a bit weird, she’ll stand in front of him shaking her ass saying wow my ass has got big, offered to give him a massage and said she got some coconut oil for it, talks about how close she is with his mum when in reality they’ve met twice and both times his mum has said wtf as she acts like they’re so close, me and him have both put up a lot of boundaries which she just hasn’t listened to which is part of why we argued tonight. Her mental health problems is self diagnosed bpd, she has never been diagnosed with this she just claims to have it and then uses it as an excuse to treat people like shit because she was ‘splitting’, but when I react after months of grieving and putting up with her shit I’m the one with an attitude problem, and says I’ve never tried to understand her although she knows I have as we’ve had so many conversations about how I’ve been trying to learn about ‘her disorder’ and how to not react but it’s all got too much!

OP posts:
Original poster
Xoxgossipgirl · 19/11/2023 23:45

ilovesooty · 19/11/2023 23:43

No one can do anything with your boyfriend if he doesn't want them to so why does her behaviour matter so much?

Because it’s disrespectful and we’re all expected to respect her boundaries and when we do one thing that she doesn’t like it’s chaos but when she does it it’s fine because she ‘has bpd’ (she doesn’t)

OP posts:
foreverdusting · 19/11/2023 23:46

Xoxgossipgirl · 19/11/2023 23:44

She asked him to put his location on and when he said why she said so she can see when he’s at college etc so he said er no that’s a bit weird, she’ll stand in front of him shaking her ass saying wow my ass has got big, offered to give him a massage and said she got some coconut oil for it, talks about how close she is with his mum when in reality they’ve met twice and both times his mum has said wtf as she acts like they’re so close, me and him have both put up a lot of boundaries which she just hasn’t listened to which is part of why we argued tonight. Her mental health problems is self diagnosed bpd, she has never been diagnosed with this she just claims to have it and then uses it as an excuse to treat people like shit because she was ‘splitting’, but when I react after months of grieving and putting up with her shit I’m the one with an attitude problem, and says I’ve never tried to understand her although she knows I have as we’ve had so many conversations about how I’ve been trying to learn about ‘her disorder’ and how to not react but it’s all got too much!

Sounds like you should post this on Facebook. It’s giving that vibe.

Nagado · 19/11/2023 23:48

This girl is not your friend but you’re getting angry with the wrong person. And I totally understand why. It’s easier to hate her than consider the fact that your boyfriend might actually be a bit of a dick for not putting a stop to her flirting with him.

Think about someone you don’t fancy at all. How would you react if they tried to flirt with you? Would your boyfriend have anything to feel uncomfortable about? Or would you put his mind at ease by shutting down any attempts to flirt straight away? If your boyfriend isn’t doing that, then he’s the problem, not her. He’s the one who owes you loyalty and respect, not her.

ilovesooty · 19/11/2023 23:49

Why have you had "months of grieving"?

LusaBatoosa · 19/11/2023 23:51

For goodness’ sake. 🤣

ilovesooty · 19/11/2023 23:54

Er no that's a bit weird

Your boyfriend sounds a bit wet.

Original poster
Xoxgossipgirl · 19/11/2023 23:56

Nagado · 19/11/2023 23:48

This girl is not your friend but you’re getting angry with the wrong person. And I totally understand why. It’s easier to hate her than consider the fact that your boyfriend might actually be a bit of a dick for not putting a stop to her flirting with him.

Think about someone you don’t fancy at all. How would you react if they tried to flirt with you? Would your boyfriend have anything to feel uncomfortable about? Or would you put his mind at ease by shutting down any attempts to flirt straight away? If your boyfriend isn’t doing that, then he’s the problem, not her. He’s the one who owes you loyalty and respect, not her.

He has stopped her?? He’s not the problem he won’t meet her anymore

OP posts:
Original poster
Xoxgossipgirl · 19/11/2023 23:56

ilovesooty · 19/11/2023 23:49

Why have you had "months of grieving"?

Because my nan and my dog have died

OP posts:
Original poster
Xoxgossipgirl · 19/11/2023 23:57

foreverdusting · 19/11/2023 23:46

Sounds like you should post this on Facebook. It’s giving that vibe.

Show quote history

Okay, needed to tell someone as I have no family to talk to

OP posts:
Scissor · 19/11/2023 23:58

Take care of you.
Talk here.
You are not wrong to feel scared and confused.
Your boyfriend is not being a partner to you. This sounds very tough and is making you anxious and sad.
Why are you grieving?

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/11/2023 23:59

He’s not the problem he won’t meet her anymore

Then hasn't the problem loved itself? Just stop engaging. You don't have to hate her, just don't bother with her. Non of this 'calling people out' nonsense. Just choose to hang out with people who are nice.

ilovesooty · 20/11/2023 00:00

If he's not meeting her any more she can't stand in front of him can she?