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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate this girl

70 replies

Xoxgossipgirl · 19/11/2023 22:59

God this girl. Just had an argument tonight after it’s all built up after months of her flirting with my boyfriend, using her mental health as an excuse to be a bitch, causing drama over anything and everything, and then when I finally snap I’m a ‘horrible person with an attitude problem’. So basically, it’s fine for her to act inappropriately with everyone because she has mental health problems, but when I get pissed off with her treating me like shit for months on end and putting up with it, I’m the problem?

OP posts:
SkaneTos · 20/11/2023 00:00

If your boyfriend won't meet her anymore, and you won't meet her, then you don't really have a problem with this, right?
No one is meeting her.

Be happy with your boyfriend.

Grimchmas · 20/11/2023 00:05

Where do you know her from? School/college?

porridgeisbae · 20/11/2023 00:05

I had a 'friend' like this @Xoxgossipgirl she came on to my boyfriend to give herself an ego boost. I was 27 at the time so it can happen to anyone.

My 'friend' had diagnosed BPD.

Not that all people with BPD act this way of course, but some do, it's a personality disorder and some people don't work on themselves. I had BPD traits but I worked on myself and try and keep myself in check and it's a lot better.

Whether your 'friend' has BPD or not is by the by, but she sounds awful, please have as little to do with her as possible.

Scissor · 20/11/2023 00:07

Also to subsequent Mumsnet keyboard warriors.
18 is an age many of us made decisions as it is the legal age of majority.

Listen

Do not judge.

Age is not a barrier for feelings and being confused when they hurt when boundaries are muddled

Minimising this hurt because of age is disrespectful to the poster

Nagado · 20/11/2023 00:10

Xoxgossipgirl · 19/11/2023 23:56

He has stopped her?? He’s not the problem he won’t meet her anymore

Show quote history

Then why is it you’re still bothered by her, rather than rolling your eyes and laughing at her?

She’s clearly in need of some attention. She can’t force you to give that to her. She can only wind you up if you let her. Ignore her. She doesn’t exist. She’s not on your radar. Rise above it.

misssunshine4040 · 20/11/2023 00:10

@Scissor exactly! Op is an adult. Why the disrespect.
Mocking someone due their age is awful

user1492757084 · 20/11/2023 00:15

Hopefully now this will stop.
If the girl starts to sexually harrass your boyfriend again tell him to report her to the person in charge of your college.
Encourage him to officially make a complaint of sexual harrassment. Keep all the details, dates etc.
Lodge a report at the Police station if she continues.
If she were a man harrassing a woman people would see the gravity of it.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 20/11/2023 00:17

Xoxgossipgirl · 19/11/2023 23:57

Okay, needed to tell someone as I have no family to talk to

Show quote history

I'm far more concerned that you have no parents at 18 than I am about the conduct of the woman your boyfriend has stopped seeing.

Scissor · 20/11/2023 00:22

That is ageist.

Why should a parent be required for an adult.

theunbelievabletruth · 20/11/2023 00:27

Never forget that you can have mental health issues AND be a complete arsehole. One does not discount the other.

theunbelievabletruth · 20/11/2023 00:31

Scissor · 20/11/2023 00:22

That is ageist.

Why should a parent be required for an adult.

Stop being so ridiculous !

I'm nearly 60 and got the best advice I ever had from my parents until they died last year.

An 18 year old doesn't just become some kind of island of emotional self sufficiency on their birthday !

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/11/2023 00:32

Scissor · 20/11/2023 00:22

That is ageist.

Why should a parent be required for an adult.

Not required but I still talk to my mum and I'm ancient! It's nice to have older women in the family to chat to.

Tundera · 20/11/2023 00:34

No more drama just me and the kids now babe 😘😘

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/11/2023 00:37

Block her everywhere. She can't have an argument in an empty room. Ignore her if she approaches you. A firm hand held up with "NO, I said I do not want to talk to you, stop bothering me" usually works.

Tundera · 20/11/2023 00:38

Talk to the hand 👏👌

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 20/11/2023 00:45

Scissor · 20/11/2023 00:22

That is ageist.

Why should a parent be required for an adult.

Did you take biology classes at school?

In case you didn't, when a man and a woman want to have a child together, they have sex, she gets pregnant, and she gives birth to a new human. From this time onwards, the man and the woman are each a parent to the new human. This fact only stops being true with the death of the new human or the parent. It does not stop being true just because the new human becomes an adult, even though the parents lose legal responsibility for the new human at this time. Sometimes, it unfortunately happens that the now-adult new human doesn't want to talk to her parents any more or vice-versa. This is called estrangement.

The above is somewhat simplified, it ignores adoption and handwaves away many of the steps prior to the birth of the new human.

The OP says that she hs no family to talk to. This implies that either her parents are dead or she is estranged from them. This is an awful situation for an eighteen year old to be in and it's not ageist to express concern that this might be the case.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 20/11/2023 00:57

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/11/2023 00:37

Block her everywhere. She can't have an argument in an empty room. Ignore her if she approaches you. A firm hand held up with "NO, I said I do not want to talk to you, stop bothering me" usually works.

She can't have an argument in an empty room.

You haven't met me then. My particular manifestation of autism means that I can't hear my own thoughts unless I speak them aloud. Combine that with being indecisive and self-critical, and I literally argue with myself aloud.

AngelAurora · 20/11/2023 00:58

Grow up

Saggypants · 20/11/2023 00:59

This is why it's best to tackle problems as tactfully and calmly as you can when they first appear.

If you bottle them up you eventually explode, then it's easy for the other party to paint you as the unreasonable one.

Grendell · 20/11/2023 01:02

Can you just stay away from her? She's too much drama.

CaramacFiend · 20/11/2023 01:04

Give her a slap. 😂

hoobanoobie · 20/11/2023 01:14

Those saying "grow up" and shitting all over OP, wind your wrinkled necks in and put your knitting down. You don't remember being her age and having problems? She's posted looking for advice. It might be dramatic but life fucking is when you're younger. You're making more of a show of yourselves than she is.
Who gives a fuck kid, we'll just criticise you for posting. Who's being ageist? Let's have a good look around. Does the slipper fit?

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 20/11/2023 01:34

Eh, come back when your prefrontal cortex has finished developing and re-read your post.

ilovesooty · 20/11/2023 01:43

I've read your other threads and feel I haven't been very kind.

It sounds as though you're having a tough time. I'd just stay away from this girl and try not to give her head space.

You must be missing your nan and your dog and I hope you are being supported by your boyfriend. I'm sorry I called him wet.

TimetoPour · 20/11/2023 01:55

Why do you continue spend time with this girl? You don’t like her and your BF thinks she is weird too.

Don’t give her the time or head space and stop socialising with her. Problem solved.

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