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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate this girl

70 replies

Xoxgossipgirl · 19/11/2023 22:59

God this girl. Just had an argument tonight after it’s all built up after months of her flirting with my boyfriend, using her mental health as an excuse to be a bitch, causing drama over anything and everything, and then when I finally snap I’m a ‘horrible person with an attitude problem’. So basically, it’s fine for her to act inappropriately with everyone because she has mental health problems, but when I get pissed off with her treating me like shit for months on end and putting up with it, I’m the problem?

OP posts:

Aria999 · 20/11/2023 02:03

She sounds like hard work, high drama, not very nice, and not what you need at the moment (I saw your other thread 💐)

Can you and bf just avoid her?

Tighginn · 20/11/2023 02:30

Maybe speak to your head of year?

CheekyHobson · 20/11/2023 02:39

Is there any reason you need to interact with her at all?

Boundaries aren’t really boundaries if you keep putting yourself in a position where someone is able to cross them over and over again.

You can’t stop her behaving the way she behaves but you can avoid her, walk away when she’s being difficult, hang up the phone, decline to hang out, tell her you won’t be spoken to rudely and leave the conversation etc etc.

Then you’ll feel in control of how much she can get to you, and you won’t get to the point where you lose it and snap at her.

mathanxiety · 20/11/2023 02:42

If your boyfriend wasn't welcoming her flirting for months, he'd have put an end to it.

You have a BF problem. Start focusing on his behaviour. Or better still, dump him.

whatausername · 20/11/2023 02:44

Maybe this boy isn't worth "keeping"...

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/11/2023 02:52

Gosh I can’t believe some of these comments from grown women to an 18 year old. I hope these haven’t upset you too much op.

I think the best advice is to talk to your boyfriend and explain how this girl makes you feel - angry, confused, disrespected (or whatever emotions you feel). Tell him that if he gives her any attention it is just going to feed her ego, which is not good for your relationship with him. If he truly cares about you, he’s not going to want to disrespect you.

As for the girl, rather like you she’s still young. In a few years time, she will likely be very embarrassed by her behaviour. It would be useful if your boyfriend could tell her to leave him alone though.

Original poster

Xoxgossipgirl · 20/11/2023 02:54

Lol. It isn’t a problem with my boyfriend. He doesn’t want to meet her. I live in the same building as her and she has been in the friend group before I even knew them all, and one of them is very close with her as she’s known her for years and years so it’s complicated. He’s there because I go, not because he wants to see her at all. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year and we see each other everyday and we are as close as can be. Thank you for the kind helpful replies and I’ll ignore the other ones :)

OP posts:

momonpurpose · 20/11/2023 02:54

I know this is not what you want to hear but he's the problem not her. You have been grieving and you probably want to stay with him for stability but it won't change. Take care of YOU and be kind to yourself. Sending you a big hug

Original poster

Xoxgossipgirl · 20/11/2023 02:55

Hes made it very clear that the way she acts around him makes him uncomfortable. It’s not a constant thing of her acting like this which is why it’s so annoying to deal with as I think my other friends just put up with it especially as they don’t have boyfriends for her to do this with. She says and does things sometimes that makes everyone look at each other like wtf though

OP posts:

Original poster

Xoxgossipgirl · 20/11/2023 02:57

I really don’t understand why everyone’s saying it’s my boyfriend’s fault. I don’t know if I said something to make it seem that way but it’s really really not. He hates it and tries to avoid seeing her but as I live in the same building as her and she’s in the friend group, and we all chill at either mine or her flat it’s difficult to completely cut her off without losing my other friends. To be honest I now think if I end up not seeing my other friends because they choose to chill with her instead of me and my boyfriend then that’s their choice and I hope they enjoy the drama that will come with it

OP posts:

WiddlinDiddlin · 20/11/2023 03:29

Ahhh...

Tell your friends, away from her, that you're getting some space from her so she's not invited to yours, and if shes attending something somewhere else, you won't be going. You don't see any reason to fall out with them but you do need space from her.

Block her on all devices.

If you pass her in the corridor, blank, walk away or use a bland, set phrase and DO NOT deviate from it, it's very important its the same thing every time... ' I don't want to talk to you. Leave me alone.' will do.

Then they will either see her for what she is and ditch her, or you'll find they're not such good friends, you'll make better ones, go off and do new things elsewhere with other people etc etc.

You will not change her. Don't waste your energy, but also, don't give mixed messages by communicating with her, going to her flat etc etc.

Noicant · 20/11/2023 05:03

Just keep away from her, she can’t force either of you to be around her.

Sizzer40 · 20/11/2023 05:43

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 20/11/2023 01:34

Eh, come back when your prefrontal cortex has finished developing and re-read your post.

You’re basically a bully.

AndanteFernando · 20/11/2023 05:53

I have an 18y girl and you sound a lot more mature than she is!

Be bland and neutral with this girl and don’t engage.

And sending you hugs. Must be tough to feel alone at 18. Sorry about your nan xx

Densol57 · 20/11/2023 05:58

Aaaaw OP we've all had people like that over time. Drama queens, who just need attention and everyone to like them etc. Its very sad, as its based on her own lack of self esteem.

As suggested, distance you two from her and if she comes with the other friends, distance yourself gently from them. No big drama, just not be available to chill etc. Just spend time with your bf. Join hobby clubs away from these people. Make new friends.

18 is hard. You'll all soon be going your own ways in life and she'll be just a distant memory. Im 58 now and still remember the drama queens I met around your age 🤣

lightisnotwhite · 20/11/2023 05:59

There are variants of this post written by older women every day. Yes the Ops language is overly dramatic but when you’re young life is new and bigger in the scheme of things.

@Xoxgossipgirl You are NBU. Her behaviour is annoying. Then understand her attention seeking comes from a place of insecurity. The whole love triangle thing is her making sense of herself, she’s not thinking how it comes across in reality. You can basically avoid and ignore or point out when her behaviour ( not her ) is inappropriate. Don’t do “ looks to each other”, say “stop flirting with him especially in front of me, it’s annoying”.

squashi · 20/11/2023 06:32

Fine to vent about her, and she'd annoy me too I think, but I wonder if the problem is mostly with him.

HappyMavis · 20/11/2023 06:36

ChellyT · 19/11/2023 23:32

Don't let that fvcker invalidate your own feelings and state! Distance is want you need and if she wants your BF and he doesn't put up boundary let her have him

😂Are you ok?

WonderingWanda · 20/11/2023 06:48

Are you at Uni op? Just because you mention living in the same building. If so I would consider reporting her behaviour to the student welfare team as a mental health concern, tell them she has mentioned this condition to you but you aren't aware if she is accessing the full help available. Maybe then if it's real she will get help and if it's made up she might get caught out by staff or her parents and stop indulging in it.

Also is it a mixed group of friends or all girls? Might be better to socialise separately with them if so, always a bit awkward for wveryone else when there's one couple.

Lovely1975 · 30/11/2023 07:14

Good Lord! Get a grip! I hate my boyfriend because he irritates the shit out of me. I couldn’t care less if he flirted with someone else - it would probably do me a massive favour! Having dated for 8 years he had the temerity to suggest we could now get married but I didn’t need a ring…. I’m biding my time and money and am looking forward to him leaving… you are much younger than me. Do not saddle yourself with such ridiculous boy behaviour..,. Go and meet a man who thinks you are fabulous. Tells you that you are fabulous. And you know, without doubt loves you…, and only you… your friend nonsense is entirely nonsense… get better friends and a better man! Because you deserve that! Xxx

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