Sleep revenge procrastination - is it real and how to fix it?

[Kirova]

Someone introduced me to this concept earlier in the week and I identified with it so much! I feel like all my time is so full at the moment - I have a 5 year old and a 4 year old and I love them to bits, but it is hard work sometimes. I'm 30 weeks pregnant with #3 and due to go on mat leave early in the new year, but still working FT at the moment.

I feel like every day is non-stop. Up, house jobs, kids, school, work - work is busy and a bit full on right now, and hasn't stopped being busy since early spring - pick up kids, dinner/activities/socialising in some order, bedtime, housework, catch up on emails. And then I should go to bed. But I end up just wasting time and eventually it's 12 or 1am and I'm still not in bed with the light off.

Then, I can't even get a decent night's sleep because I can't get comfortable or I keep needing to get up and pee (X 20), or I've got heartburn... Joys of pregnancy, haha.

I need to do better! How can I change?! 🫣

If it is a thing, I have it too. I can lie in bed and watch videos or scroll until midnight, 1am, easily, even if I'm yawning away.

I am going to set up a charging station for my tablet and phone downstairs, so when I come to bed I don't have any screens near me. I'm hoping that will get me back into reading books in bed so I can fall asleep when I first start feeling tired.

The screen thing is a good idea... Definitely iPad at the very least!

For me it was a thing when my kids were young. NO time to myself during the day so reluctant to go to bed in the evening when I could actually have some “me” time.

No phone in the bedroom (except the odd weekend....😉) I have an old fashioned alarm clock and an e-reader. Just read fun books that don't require much concentration. Fixed bedtime - work nights I am in bed at 10pm. It feels like relaxation to be up browsing Instagram, but I actually feel so much better and less frazzled when I get more sleep. Disordered sleeping is an absolute head and body wrecker, but because it's harder to make any money out of it, it doesn't get anywhere near the attention that dietary advice gets.

For me it's about having control over my time. All day I'm either at work doing what I have to do or I'm at home doing what the kids and family need me to do. In the evening I could go to bed so I could mindlessly flick on screens. I get to control what I do with the time, shame I don't choose to go to bed early!

Yeah, that's exactly it! I feel like all my time is dictated by what people demand or need me to do... Night is the only time when I can choose! And certainly part of it is that I'm sleeping so badly that I feel it can't even make much of a difference if I go to bed earlier. It wasn't like this in my first two pregnancies but I guess I am now older and more decrepit... At least that is how it feels!

This is meeeee! And so many of my mum friends too, it’s certainly a thing. I think it’s the luxury of being able to do what you want in peace without being at the behest of anyone else. Just that silent time alone where no one needs you to do anything for them! And yet, AND YET, even though I know I should be using this time to rest or do something to benefit my wellbeing like mediation or read my book or a bit of gentle yoga, do I do it?! Noooo I am on mumsnet and stupid o’clock instead. When I actually get myself together and practice proper sleep hygiene by leaving all devices downstairs, I sleep like a baby, my life is more pleasant and I feel less crap all the time. So why do I keep letting it slide and go back to hours of evening doom scrolling?!

Fact is, because of this habit I’m getting by on 5-6 hours sleep a night max and it’s killing me, this post has reminded me I desperately need to sort it out. Thanks op x

As a veteran of 30 years of insomnia in various forms, I can only agree with everyone else. Long term sleep disturbance has wrecked my mental and physical health over the years, and it takes time and real effort to repair. You have to really commit to a bedtime, read up on sleep hygiene, and put it all into place. Magnesium supplements really help, as does a generally good diet, getting outside air and daylight every day, exercising regularly, and for me, avoiding alcohol. But the mental block of not wanting to try and go to sleep because that 'sleep' is so disturbed is a really difficult one to combat.

Me too. Regardless of what time the chores are finished or what time I have to be up the next day, I need a good 2.5 hours for me to just vegetate, flick through crap on the internet or watch shit TV.

It's not a good habit, even if I did have all the time in the world.

I was trying to think if iPads and smart phones have made in worse... when I first graduated and lived alone, I was still up late, but it was just TV and DVDs so I don't think I can blame technology!

Ahhh I've been wanting to post this for so long but felt like I would be laughed at, as the solution is clearly go to bed earlier, it sounds so easy yet I struggle so much with it. The more tired I am, the harder it is to find the motivation to even go upstairs as well. By the weekend I'm a complete zombie but even when I know it's going to end in a migraine I can't seem to make myself go to bed. On the odd occasion I've got everything done by 9.30 and think oh great I can get a reasonable amount of sleep tonight, somehow it still takes .e until 12.30 to get into bed

Cont. I generally don't sleep a whole night through more than two or three times a month. I've tried all the otc sleeping tablets there are, herbal remedies etc etc. They help in the short term definitely, but I was taking them nightly for months in the end. It's just not sustainable. I also feel v strongly that my natural sleep pattern is a bi-phasic one and I came to a very comfortable routine for when I wake at 3ish that allows me to drop off again by about 4ish.

But coming back to initial sleep procrastination, I still do it occasionally even now after 30 years! I know EXACTLY what I should do and yet still, still struggle!

No matter what I do I don't seem to be capable of being in bed before 12:30am. I tried to use the clocks going back to do a reset but failed miserably after one (relatively) early night. It's like sleep is another chore. It involves having get up and brush my teeth and wash my face, then lie down and try to make it happen. It's too much effort.

@StaySpicy

intried that, but I can't fall asleep reading a book, I just stay awake to read it. Anything audible just keeps me awake too.

i hope it works fit you!

@Kirova

for me, I think it's partly about getting more time to myself. Which is STUPID as it just ruins the next day!

it doesn't help that I live on a quiet street, in a quiet area, except the the random knob heads who think nothing of talking really loudly or shouting out to each other or having ver loud phone conversations...drives me up the pole.

No matter what I do I don't seem to be capable of being in bed before 12:30am.

This is 100% me too! And it is partly what other posters have described, that it's the only point in the day where my time is my own and I can do what I like in it. I don't know why I don't choose to sleep in it though!

At least I used to sleep well - I generally would fall asleep 1ish and sleep through till 6.30ish/7ish without waking. The problem now is that I keep waking up because I'm uncomfortable / feel sick / need to pee. Seriously I think I'm waking up for a wee at least 5-6 times per night and it's finishing me! I tried drinking less, but then I wake up because I'm thirsty... Ha. So, I think I'm subconsciously not bothering to prioritise sleep because I know I'm going to just wake up anyway!

I do this and I hate it. It's self sabotage but I can't seem to stop.

I am going to make a new week's resolution... Does anyone want to do it with me? We can hold each other to account 😀

I'm hoping I'll be too knackered to faff around staying up tonight - DD2 had a stomach upset so I was up half the night with her and I'm most definitely not firing on all cylinders today.

I'm in!

Re liquid intake - I find it best if I don't have anything after 8-9pm. I try and drink water or sleep teas after 6pm, and no caffeine after 2pm. Alcohol after 6pm screws me up so I save it for Friday and Saturday nights. Sigh.

I stand a much better chance of going through if I can be in bed by 10pm and trying to sleep by 10.30. No phone after 9.30 if possible, and reading an old familiar book for that half an hour in bed helps. Also not going to bed hungry - sometimes a small teaspoon of peanut butter or a single weetabix is enough to put off that 2-3am waking.

I've tried the sleep teas but I think I'm immune to their effects! Any recommendations? The snack is a good tip (although there are other schools of thought which say you should never eat after 6pm, which would basically mean I'd never have dinner 😆)

@Kirova
I'm in

Welcome! 😊

Kids are in bed so I have an hour to catch up on stuff, and then I've promised myself I'll be in bed by 11!

@Kirova

You deserve a good night's sleep! I'm in a US time zone 7 hrs behind UK time but I'm aiming for 11 too.

Is that West Coast? One of my best friends relocated to the West Coast and she's got a very wakeful 6 month old, so we're often messaging each other at odd times at the moment (respectively!).

One time zone in from there. I'm in Idaho. I believe the West Coast is 8 hrs behind the UK. I'm originally from the UK.

@Kirova

It's nice to have someone to message at odd times! I have a 3 mth old so I'm awake a lot too.

Yes, that sounds about right - although the clock change has thrown my sense of time! My friend is also British and finds the US a pretty big culture shock!