Partner spending Xmas with ex

[Gizmow21903]

So, my partner who is divorced is spending Christmas with her ex husband, separated 3 years & divorced a year. They have two teenage boys. She says it’s to keep the boys happy. I get this and accept it, my issue is she is sleeping over at his house on Xmas eve and then on Boxing Day, spending it there as it’s PJ day and they all wear the same PJ’s as it’s tradition and play games and watch films.
I’m accepting of the Christmas Day thing for now but everything else is causing me a lot of issues.

Partner or new girlfriend?

You'll get posters on here saying “it’s fine because it’s for the kids!!” but this would be unacceptable for me. Cut it off and find someone new who’s actually single.

How long have you been together? What is it exactly that is giving you issues? Do you not trust her with her ex? I feel like if they have been divorced for years it's unlikely there is anything untoward happening. Or is the issue more that you won't get to spend time with her on Christmas?

I wouldn't put up with this. It's not really about whether or not something is going on with the ex and more about there being no room for you. Are you meant to just disappear every Christmas and just be there waiting to be picked up again? You'll just get resentful.

Nope....what sort of crazy entanglement is she dragging you into??

Is that not just really confusing for the kids?!

Are you sure they’re definitely separated?

Last year my sister spent Christmas with her ‘ex’ for the kids but little did her new bf know that she hadn’t actually officially separated from her DH and they were still sharing a bed together.

I wouldn’t have an issue with my partner spending Christmas Day together.
But I would definitely have an issue with him sleeping over at his ex’s house.

That would be a fat no from me. But then I jave a relative who has xmas dinner with his partner, her ex and their grown up kids

This is not something I'd be comfortable with. They're playing happy families, when effectively they arent a family anymore, I appreciate they have children atogether and that will always be the case, but they are teenagers and their parents have been over for quite some time. They need to stop mollying them and spend alternative christmass'with them. Or for her to meet someone who is comfortable with the situation, which I think would be quite difficult. If it's arelatively new relationship I'd end it sooner rather than later.

You call her your partner. Does that mean you live together or is this a very new and casual relationship?

If you are partners or in a deeply committed
relationship, then it’s very weird as I would expect her to want to spend some of it with you. Going round to see her children on Christmas day without you would be one thing. Deserting you through the whole of Christmas for a
cosy family Christmas with the ex is quite another.

Christmas Day, fine. But do they have to continue the same traditions, now the kids are teens? Maybe they feel bad about the upheaval of divorce… (I have neither teens nor an Ex, so I could be wrong!). And what are yours plans, then?

The matching pyjama thing is just weird when you're separated. Just do two Christmases. I loved it as a kid. Christmas morning and lunch with my mum which meant my dad could work and earn crazy money for a few hours, then Christmas afternoon with my dad and a big dinner on boxing day. They kept it consistent and didn't swap days, everyone was happy. Would've been weird as anything if my dad stayed over and we had this kind of faux happy family matching pyjama drama.

How long have you been together. Do you live together. Your right to think the set up is weired because it is.

I wouldn't accept it either.
For me this is too over familiar for a divorced couple. Going and seeing the kids, spending time with them fair enough, there are some things you do have to do for the kids, but if you are in a relationship with somebody else you have to consider them also not play happy families with the ex!

Thanks for all the responses. I’ll be having a chat with my partner. No other way to face it than head on.

How long have you been with your partner?

Matching PJs day with an ex is bonkers!!

Nah it's not normal. My partner has been divorced for 3 years. DS is a teen. He pops over Christmas morning to watch his son open presents and has a pastry etc then comes to my house.

They alternate Christmas Day.

What your partner is proposing is actually confusing for the children IMO.

@Gizmow21903 If you have been in a relationship with your partner for less than a year then I think yabu to have an issue with this Christmas tradition so much so that you interfere with it.

If you are in a committed relationship of a couple of years or more it would be reasonable for you to be included and for things to change regarding staying overnight at ex’s house.

😱😱 I would hate this

Off Playing happy families with her ex, absolutely no thank you

And this as well ^

Why does your partner need to sleep there?

over 12 months. Last year was fairly new and I’d already made plans. I didn’t realise at the time the set up / wasn’t informed until it came up a few weeks ago.

Weird, especially as they are teens

Because the teenagers get up early apparently, but they live very close to each other…

Teens, divorced, def weird. I wouldn't be accepting of that