Partner spending Xmas with ex

[Gizmow21903]

So, my partner who is divorced is spending Christmas with her ex husband, separated 3 years & divorced a year. They have two teenage boys. She says it’s to keep the boys happy. I get this and accept it, my issue is she is sleeping over at his house on Xmas eve and then on Boxing Day, spending it there as it’s PJ day and they all wear the same PJ’s as it’s tradition and play games and watch films.
I’m accepting of the Christmas Day thing for now but everything else is causing me a lot of issues.

All in the same PJs?! 😂

I’m torn on this. It sounds as if they’re trying to put on a united front for their children but as others have said, now they’re divorced, surely it’s time to create separate traditions?

I can see how they might have continued to spend Christmas together when no one had another partner. But when does she think things will change? When it will it just be a few hours together on Christmas Day rather than three days? When the youngest is18? 21? Married and at his wife's family?

Is she concerned about you perhaps having nothing to do on Christmas Day? If she was saying they had already told the kids it was happening but she understood it wasn't great for you and said that it would be less time next year I might accept it this year but other wise I would be questioning my place in her life.

As an aside matching pyjamas while you eat Christmas dinner even if you are married seems very weird to me. Don't let her put you in them in the future!

The whole thing is weird. Teenagers are old enough to understand separate homes and separate relationships, etc. Kids take their cue off of parents' behavior, not the other way around. Honestly kids at any age would be fine with whatever arrangements parents make, as long as the parents behave themselves kids are fine in these situations. I think it's wildly inappropriate.

If this is their tradition then when is it going to change? You spend all your Xmas apart for years to come?

Well it's no wonder the kids don't like the new partner when they probably think their parents will get back together.

Absolutely no way on gods earth. Divorced but family PJs...?!

Sorry if I've missed this but how many bedrooms are there? Who is sleeping where?

Noway shes muggin u off
Ifs u have met the kids and ur her 'partner then u can go with her
If not bye bye cya

The matching pyjama thing with 2 teenage boys is pretty weird. At that age I think they’d be cringing, essentially as they are old enough to know their parents have split up.

Teenagers who get up early? That's the most implausible thing.

Sorry that's plain weird. I invited my ex around the first year, told him not before midday and he was to leave by 10pm (older kids) covid then arrived so provided a natural break in traditions. Fine visiting but not staying over and pjs in the day time are just odd for adults and kids over 5 full stop

Teenagers can wait it's not like anyone believes in Santa most will want to lie in once they had t 14

Are they definitely divorced? I'm wondering if they're still married and you're the OM / OW

Would your girlfriend allow you and a friend of the ex to visit on Boxing Day? Would joining them forpart of the time be acceptable?

My ex was like this with his ex. It bothered me. I told him. He stopped. First year he popped in for a few hours then it moved to taking it in turns to have the kids Christmas Day.

Nothing wrong seeing your kids and bing civil with your ex. Playing happy families when you are not in a relationship is not something I'd tolerate

It's a bit much. However if everything else in the relationship is working well I'd let it go this year but I'd be having a conversation about what next year's Christmas will look like.

Why does your partner need to sleep there?

Because the teenagers get up early apparently, but they live very close to each other…

This makes no sense; it's not as if teenagers need mum to get their breakfast or whatever, so why is she really staying over?

Really odd, especially with the matching pjs and her staying over at his house! The kids are teens which only makes it weirder, must surely be fairly weird for them too at that age. Total dealbreaker, I don’t think many people would be happy about this.

No way!

Eek, dump her!

They can keep their own family unit, you aren’t part of it!

Yeah that's really odd. The kids are old enough to understand that things change and mum has a new boyfriend. She can easily go over mid morning Xmas day and come home late afternoon/early evening so spending some time with you and at least the days before and after.