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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this entitlement?

68 replies

puggprittstuck · 18/11/2023 16:07

Lady on a local whatsapp group was giving away a portable high chair. I texted her to say I’d like it if it’s still available. She texts back at midnight saying yes it is. I’m usually scrolling through the internet at that time anyway so I text back immediately saying that’s great, which road are you on.
She texts back 24 hours later, again at midnight, saying I am on xx road. I text back immediately saying great, I’m home all day tomorrow with the baby and can come pick it up.
She texts back at 6pm the next day, saying I’m home now. I’m now about to do bath time and bedtime with my one year old. So I think ok, bit inconvenient, but I can do a top and tail so as to not get her hair wet, put baby in pjs, put her pramsuit on and go for a little walk to pick up the thing. Which is fine as she will just fall asleep in the pushchair and I can then transfer her to the crib. I text back immediately to say ‘I can come in an hour if that’s ok’. That gives me enough time to top and tail and get her tired enough to fall asleep at her normal bedtime. I don’t hear from her and thinking she’s not going to check her phone until midnight again at about 6.15 I text saying ‘alternatively I can pick it up over the weekend’. I top and tail anyway just in case, which incidentally pisses the baby off as she wanted the bath.
7.15pm lady texts ‘no weekend not great, you can come now’. No alternatives, nothing else, just come right now. So I text her to say I’m on my way. I put the baby in the pushchair, it’s fine as she fell asleep straight away, and go to the address. Luckily I happened to get the baby ready anyway.
When I get to her house there’s no answer at the door. I call, no answer. Eventually she opens her bedroom window holding a small child and says ‘sorry you’ve not picked a great time, I’m looking after my son’ and proceeds to THROW the portable high chair from the first floor window. I catch it, say thank you, put it in the pushchair and go on my way.
I just felt for that whole interaction I had to do quite a lot behind the scenes to accommodate her, which she was completely oblivious to even though there were clues such as me turning up at 7.30 pm with a pushchair at her front door. Then she got pissed off with my timing. And doesn’t even come to the front door but throws the thing out the window towards me.
Is this entitlement? What is this? I would never have done this. I would have offered an alternative other than ‘I’m home now’ at an obviously weird time for someone with small kids. I would have come to the front door, even with a child in my arms.

OP posts:

Hiddenvoice · 18/11/2023 16:12

Did you pay for the high chair? If not then I would just put this all behind you. You both have young children and both trying to accommodate each other. If the time didn’t suit you because of the bedtime routine then you could have replied saying I can pick up during the day etc.

I wouldn’t say it’s entitlement, sorry not trying to be nasty but if it’s a free high chair and works okay then I’d put it in past.

LaurieStrode · 18/11/2023 16:15

Yes, she's a twat. I do online giving and receiving all the time in my community, and everyone (givers and receivers) is always gracious and accommodating.

pikkumyy77 · 18/11/2023 16:17

Its not entitlement. Why: do you want it to be? She is chaotic and not thoughtful but you got what you wanted in the end. It would have been classed as entitlement, in the pejorative sense, if you had demanded she bring it over to you, despite her complex situation with respect ti childcare. It was a free item you got for free. You had the benefit.

Itsalwaysthelasttime · 18/11/2023 16:20

Slightly different but I run my own business and I get irrationally angry with people who message for an appointment I answer immediately with dates for them they dont reply for 2 days and are surprised when the appointment has gone. Its then a coupke of weeks of this happening until an appointment is made is such a waste of everyones time.
Its like your lady if she had answered your first message when you replied immediately ( so why didnt she see it????)
Then it would all have been so much simpler.

Intermittentgasping · 18/11/2023 16:21

What's she entitled to exactly ? It's not entitlement. She's being a bit controlling and a dick. Still you got the high chair?

zurala · 18/11/2023 16:22

She's a selfish thoughtless twat. But I also wouldn't have gone out at my child's bedtime to fetch it unless I was desperate. And if you are struggling then I'd just put it behind you but also block her so you don't have to deal with her again. If you aren't struggling then next time just pass on the item when people start getting awkward, it's not worth it.

coveredindoghairs · 18/11/2023 16:35

It's strange, but not entitlement. As others have said, you got something you needed for free and she got rid of something she no longer wanted. Seems like it all worked out well enough, though throwing something from the window is certainly odd behaviour. She could have just left it outside the door when you said you were on your way to collect it, if she didn't want to have a face-to-face meeting.

ThornInMySide84 · 18/11/2023 16:39

Sorry, but I’m laughing at the one year old baby being pissed off because she wants a bath. How on earth would you know that?!

You got a free high chair. Move on.

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 18/11/2023 16:43

Well realistically, if it really was that inconvenient for your child to have a bath earlier or later, then surely that is similar to her trying to look after her own child while you come round.

Regardless, if it was that inconvenient, you could have just gone out to a shop and bought one.

Grimchmas · 18/11/2023 16:43

Not entitlement. You were juggling around a kid, so was she. You got a thing for free. If you want customer service, buy from a shop.

catsanddogsandrabbits · 18/11/2023 16:43

"Entitled" in the pejorative sense is used to describe people who assume they are "entitled" to other peoples' time, money, stuff, attention. Examples might be the school mum who assumes you'll pick up her child and bring him home with your own - just because that suits her; the colleague who asks you for a lift home once and then assumes you'll be happy to do it every day without payment or reciprocation; the neighbour who assumes they can just use your bins when theirs are full, park on your drive or insist you are quiet all day because they lived there first and like to sleep late. You'd have been acting in an entitled way if you'd insisted she bring the high chair to you at a specific time that worked for you while not paying for it.

crew2022 · 18/11/2023 16:44

It's not entitlement as you got the high chair for free so she was doing you a favour.
A bit odd behaviour but you don't know what's going on for her.
As she was giving the item away then you need to fit round her.

CesareBorgia · 18/11/2023 16:46

You've given us loads of detail about your baby's every movement to explain why it was inconvenient - are you forgetting that the high chair woman won't know any of this?

Shinyandnew1 · 18/11/2023 16:49

What do you think she is being entitled to?!

coldcallerbaiter · 18/11/2023 16:50

It does not fit the definition of entitlement.

DuploTrain · 18/11/2023 16:52

She sounds really rude. Some people think that if they’re giving something for free they have a right to make you jump through hoops to get it… it’s a bit of a power play.

Yes she’s doing you a favour, but you’re also doing her a favour by collecting it from her house… it’s very convenient, she gets to offload her old stuff without taking it to the tip/ selling for a tiny amount on fb/ taking to a charity shop.

People generally give things for free because it’s convenient for them, not solely from the goodness of their heart. And yes I do give away things for free.

RattlewhenIwalk · 18/11/2023 16:53

Bad manners but if it was free not entitled.

Testina · 18/11/2023 17:00

7.15pm lady texts ‘no weekend not great, you can come now’. No alternatives, nothing else, just come right now

You told her that you were free all day. At 18:00 you said you’d been there in a hour. Why should she be offering alternatives?
You pick it up shortly after 19:15. She hasn’t got great communication skills, and sure it’s odd to launch it out of the windows! Although… practical 🤣 Was it a maisonette? Odd for it to be upstairs if not. Easier than getting it downstairs when she’s watching a baby. Maybe if you’d actually arrived an hour after the 18:00 (her saying she’s home, you saying you’ll be an hour) she wouldn’t have (perhaps) given you up as a no show time waster and got in her with her own child’s bath or whatever?

She’s a bit odd, but you’re both a bit rubbish at communicating and you’re the one that was getting the freebie. So no, not entitled.

FrasierReboot · 18/11/2023 17:01

Did you top and tail your daughter? You didn't mention it

PlaidCushionProductions · 18/11/2023 17:09

Did you say please, or interact with her as you’ve written here?
If you didn’t use manners you’ve the sense of entitlement, not her!

UsingChangeofName · 18/11/2023 17:14

Not entitlement no.

You said "I can come in an hour" ....... "or alternatively I could come at the weekend" and she replied that she couldn't do the weekend so for you to come now.

Not sure how that is entitled.
Ultimately, you've been given something you obviously want, for free. It isn't the responsibility of the person who is giving things away, to go out of their way to come home early from work, or otherwise disrupt their life so that you can collect when it suits you.
YABU
That's sort of how giving sites work.

CesareBorgia · 18/11/2023 17:17

FrasierReboot · 18/11/2023 17:01

Did you top and tail your daughter? You didn't mention it

😁

Zebedee55 · 18/11/2023 17:17

If you've got your freebie highchair, then just move on. 🙄

SurelySmartie · 18/11/2023 17:19

Bit odd but some people are. You were getting it free so it’s right that you went out of your way to accommodate. Perhaps she’s a bit chaotic and thoughtless and not overly agreeable. Some people are just like that.