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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this entitlement?

68 replies

puggprittstuck · 18/11/2023 16:07

Lady on a local whatsapp group was giving away a portable high chair. I texted her to say I’d like it if it’s still available. She texts back at midnight saying yes it is. I’m usually scrolling through the internet at that time anyway so I text back immediately saying that’s great, which road are you on.
She texts back 24 hours later, again at midnight, saying I am on xx road. I text back immediately saying great, I’m home all day tomorrow with the baby and can come pick it up.
She texts back at 6pm the next day, saying I’m home now. I’m now about to do bath time and bedtime with my one year old. So I think ok, bit inconvenient, but I can do a top and tail so as to not get her hair wet, put baby in pjs, put her pramsuit on and go for a little walk to pick up the thing. Which is fine as she will just fall asleep in the pushchair and I can then transfer her to the crib. I text back immediately to say ‘I can come in an hour if that’s ok’. That gives me enough time to top and tail and get her tired enough to fall asleep at her normal bedtime. I don’t hear from her and thinking she’s not going to check her phone until midnight again at about 6.15 I text saying ‘alternatively I can pick it up over the weekend’. I top and tail anyway just in case, which incidentally pisses the baby off as she wanted the bath.
7.15pm lady texts ‘no weekend not great, you can come now’. No alternatives, nothing else, just come right now. So I text her to say I’m on my way. I put the baby in the pushchair, it’s fine as she fell asleep straight away, and go to the address. Luckily I happened to get the baby ready anyway.
When I get to her house there’s no answer at the door. I call, no answer. Eventually she opens her bedroom window holding a small child and says ‘sorry you’ve not picked a great time, I’m looking after my son’ and proceeds to THROW the portable high chair from the first floor window. I catch it, say thank you, put it in the pushchair and go on my way.
I just felt for that whole interaction I had to do quite a lot behind the scenes to accommodate her, which she was completely oblivious to even though there were clues such as me turning up at 7.30 pm with a pushchair at her front door. Then she got pissed off with my timing. And doesn’t even come to the front door but throws the thing out the window towards me.
Is this entitlement? What is this? I would never have done this. I would have offered an alternative other than ‘I’m home now’ at an obviously weird time for someone with small kids. I would have come to the front door, even with a child in my arms.

OP posts:
Testina · 18/11/2023 19:36

Nobody said you should jump through hoops. They just don’t think that she’s in the wrong not offering you alternatives times, for something you’re getting for nothing, that you’ve already said you can collect in an hour and she’s said she’s in.

Luxell934 · 18/11/2023 19:48

No not entitlement. She didn't make you jump through hoops, she let you know she's home, you say you'll be an hour then immediately give the weekend alternative, she says that won't work for her and to come as planned tonight? Perfectly fine. If you didn't want to collect the item at bath/bedtime then you didn't have to say you'd come in an hour? But if you want the free item then you kind of have to work to their schedule, not yours.

Yeah "throwing" the item out of the window is strange, but you got a free highchair which you wanted.

Bosca · 18/11/2023 19:50

It’s not her job to accommodate your baby’s bathing preferences and sleep schedule.

UsingChangeofName · 18/11/2023 22:16

Right now is different to in an hour - which was kind of my point.

But, at 6pm, you said you could come in an hour (so 7pm)
Then at 6.15, you offered an alternative that didn't work for her.
Then at 7.15 - so not long after you said you could come - she said she couldn't do the weekend so can you come now.
There really isn't anything unreasonable about it.
Obviously she had no idea you meant "Precisely 7pm", I would have read that as meaning 'I'm doing something just now' or 'I'm not quite home yet ...can I come in an hour' not "I only have a window between 6.59 and 7.01" so I too would have replied "No, weekend isn't convenient, come now" meaning 'Nah, stick to the original come round now (ish) whilst I am here, and you can make it.'

She doesn't know anything about your life. She didn't know you were putting a baby to bed (could have been collecting it for a grandchild for example). She doesn't know that you don't have a partner who could either collect it or stay with the baby whilst you do. She was just responding to the words in your text.

Just let it go.

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 18/11/2023 22:18

She sounds a bit of a cow.

I’m glad the launch missile chair didn’t hurt you or baby.

canyoudealit · 18/11/2023 22:21

What's top and tail?

Couldn't she have left it outside the house?

That's what I do when randos come round for stuff I give away on fb marketplace, I don't want to talk to them.

canyoudealit · 18/11/2023 22:28

"I just felt for that whole interaction I had to do quite a lot behind the scenes to accommodate her"

You weren't accommodating her. If you weren't prepared to dance to her tune you just turn down the offer of the free stuff.

It's as simple as that.

You're the beneficiary, not the giver in this scenario.

itsmylife7 · 18/11/2023 22:28

She probably thought you'd jump in your car and be there in 5 mins.

Original poster
puggprittstuck · 18/11/2023 22:37

itsmylife7 · 18/11/2023 22:28

She probably thought you'd jump in your car and be there in 5 mins.

Exactly

I had to do more than just that. Which I'm not pissed off about, it was no big deal.

But she made the comment about it inconveniencing HER and lobbed the thing out the window.

But according to PP here, had I paid for this interaction it would have mattered. It does not matter if I got it for free.

OP posts:
canyoudealit · 18/11/2023 22:43

puggprittstuck · 18/11/2023 22:37

Exactly

I had to do more than just that. Which I'm not pissed off about, it was no big deal.

But she made the comment about it inconveniencing HER and lobbed the thing out the window.

But according to PP here, had I paid for this interaction it would have mattered. It does not matter if I got it for free.

Show quote history

It's you that sounds entitled.

Take it on her terms or not.

canyoudealit · 18/11/2023 22:45

Anyway, back to the top and tailing. What's that?

And how do you make a baby pissed off by not bathing it?

Original poster
puggprittstuck · 18/11/2023 22:50

But I did take it on her terms - which meant that I had to rearrange my evening to do so. Only to get there, knock on the door, call, wait as there was no answer, have her make a comment at me about how she was inconvenienced, and then she throws the thing out the window. And I still thanked her waved and smiled like an idiot and left.

How does that make me entitled? entitled to what?

OP posts:
Original poster
puggprittstuck · 18/11/2023 22:54

canyoudealit · 18/11/2023 22:45

Anyway, back to the top and tailing. What's that?

And how do you make a baby pissed off by not bathing it?

Sit baby in the sink
And I know she got pissed off because she went and got her flipping bath toys, dropped them in the bath tub, pointed at the bath tub, tried to get into the bath tub and then screamed when I didn't put her in the bath. That indicated to me that she was pissed off at not having a bath.

OP posts:
canyoudealit · 18/11/2023 23:01

Buy your own high chair is surely the take home message here?

UsingChangeofName · 18/11/2023 23:05

Anyway, back to the top and tailing. What's that?

Just wash their "top" and "tail" - ie face and bum.
When you don't have time to put them in the bath for a longer wash and a play. Smile
Am surprised anyone hasn't heard of it as an expression - just shows how much I assume Blush

LightSpeeds · 18/11/2023 23:10

Some people don't have any social skills or awareness 😬

SallyWD · 18/11/2023 23:14

I'm completely missing the point of your post but what does "topping and tailing" your child mean? I have no idea!

CesareBorgia · 18/11/2023 23:45

SallyWD · 18/11/2023 23:14

I'm completely missing the point of your post but what does "topping and tailing" your child mean? I have no idea!

I had to google it too! It's apparently a method of cleaning a baby without putting them into a bath; just cleaning face, neck, hands and nether regions by wiping. NHS instructions were quite complicated!

canyoudealit · 18/11/2023 23:48

My one year old's were massive (their Dad is 6 foot 5) I can't imagine putting them in the sink to wash them.

I thought that was a joke thing, do people really do that?

canyoudealit · 18/11/2023 23:52

CesareBorgia · 18/11/2023 23:51

That's a link about newborns.

OP is talking about hoiking a one year old in the sink?

CesareBorgia · 18/11/2023 23:56

Link doesn't mention sinks:

  • "Hold your baby on your knee or lay them on a changing mat. Take off all their clothes, apart from their vest and nappy, and wrap them in a towel."

If the baby is on a mat, size isn't going to be an issue.

Mariposista · 19/11/2023 00:01

I wouldn’t say entitled. When selling/gifting something, etiquette states that the seller/giver gets to choose the time/place as per their convenience. But no way should she be throwing anything out the window. She should have come to the door and there was no good reason why she couldn’t.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 19/11/2023 00:43

Very bizarre that she threw out the window and rude even if she is giving it to you. Why could she not come to the door even if had a child in her arms. Just message her and say thank you appreciate it and don't mention the window. I get where you are coming from, basic manners some just do not pocess.

crew2022 · 19/11/2023 00:50

It's about the use of the term entitled. No one is saying her behaviour is acceptable but I wouldn't call it entitled. Just rude or odd although as others have said she would not have known about the bathing palava.