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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this entitlement?

68 replies

puggprittstuck · 18/11/2023 16:07

Lady on a local whatsapp group was giving away a portable high chair. I texted her to say I’d like it if it’s still available. She texts back at midnight saying yes it is. I’m usually scrolling through the internet at that time anyway so I text back immediately saying that’s great, which road are you on.
She texts back 24 hours later, again at midnight, saying I am on xx road. I text back immediately saying great, I’m home all day tomorrow with the baby and can come pick it up.
She texts back at 6pm the next day, saying I’m home now. I’m now about to do bath time and bedtime with my one year old. So I think ok, bit inconvenient, but I can do a top and tail so as to not get her hair wet, put baby in pjs, put her pramsuit on and go for a little walk to pick up the thing. Which is fine as she will just fall asleep in the pushchair and I can then transfer her to the crib. I text back immediately to say ‘I can come in an hour if that’s ok’. That gives me enough time to top and tail and get her tired enough to fall asleep at her normal bedtime. I don’t hear from her and thinking she’s not going to check her phone until midnight again at about 6.15 I text saying ‘alternatively I can pick it up over the weekend’. I top and tail anyway just in case, which incidentally pisses the baby off as she wanted the bath.
7.15pm lady texts ‘no weekend not great, you can come now’. No alternatives, nothing else, just come right now. So I text her to say I’m on my way. I put the baby in the pushchair, it’s fine as she fell asleep straight away, and go to the address. Luckily I happened to get the baby ready anyway.
When I get to her house there’s no answer at the door. I call, no answer. Eventually she opens her bedroom window holding a small child and says ‘sorry you’ve not picked a great time, I’m looking after my son’ and proceeds to THROW the portable high chair from the first floor window. I catch it, say thank you, put it in the pushchair and go on my way.
I just felt for that whole interaction I had to do quite a lot behind the scenes to accommodate her, which she was completely oblivious to even though there were clues such as me turning up at 7.30 pm with a pushchair at her front door. Then she got pissed off with my timing. And doesn’t even come to the front door but throws the thing out the window towards me.
Is this entitlement? What is this? I would never have done this. I would have offered an alternative other than ‘I’m home now’ at an obviously weird time for someone with small kids. I would have come to the front door, even with a child in my arms.

OP posts:

SiousieSoo · 19/11/2023 01:20

I cannot imagine getting so worked up about having to top and tail/ do a quick sink wash with the baby instead of the bath for one night.. The baby really will not register this or mind. Sometimes you have to accept that collecting a free item will occur at the giver's convenience and not your own. It is not entitlement .... although she was odd to throw it out of the window.

FrasierReboot · 19/11/2023 02:01

OP from your post you sound very self absorbed. I'm assuming you came across like this in your messages to the woman, hence why she was rude to you

mjf981 · 19/11/2023 02:08

She's just thoughtless and a bit of dick. Likely overwhelmed with life.
I'd just forget about the interaction and be happy you got a free high chair. And don't deal with her again (file it in the 'not worth the agro' folder).

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 19/11/2023 05:46

She sounds kind of nuts throwing it out of a window that way.

MellowYellow2023 · 19/11/2023 06:05

Throwing an object out of the window is strange and rude, as well as potentially dangerous. I wouldn’t have done this. It doesn’t matter if it’s paid for or not. Or if she has a baby or not. Treat others as you would like to be treated.

Brixtonvssouthcroydon · 19/11/2023 08:03

I'm with you op, don't let the Mumsnet police tell you otherwise, she was rude and entitled. Giving away something doesn't give you the right to omit basic manners.

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 19/11/2023 08:04

FrasierReboot · 19/11/2023 02:01

OP from your post you sound very self absorbed. I'm assuming you came across like this in your messages to the woman, hence why she was rude to you

This was my impression too. I've actually stopped giving stuff away for free on buy and sell sites because the lack of manners, entitlement, rudeness and ungratefulness of people messaging me made me so angry. It's a shame for those who weren't, but it used to put me in such a foul mood. Maybe the highchair owner felt the same, whether OP or someone else for something else.

BadLad · 19/11/2023 08:20

Throwing it out of the window is very strange behaviour. I would probably have decided she was unhinged and just left it there.

But it is not what “entitled” means.

Daffidale · 19/11/2023 08:21

You’re getting stuff free or cheap, then you’re the one who needs to accommodate the giver/seller, not the other way around. If it doesn’t work for you don’t take/buy it.

The window thing is a bit weird but whatever

UsingChangeofName · 19/11/2023 19:29

But according to PP here, had I paid for this interaction it would have mattered. It does not matter if I got it for free.

Well, not really. If you order a bespoke item from a shop, you still have to fit in with their timescales, and their deliver methods (which you pay extra for). The person receiving any item has to decide if the collection is convenient for them, or worth putting themselves out for to get the item, or if they decide not to have it.

For the people perturbed about chucking it down from the window - this is described as a 'portable highchair' so presumably it's one of those cloth things akin to a sling that you tie on to a dining chair, not a 4' solid wood affair.......

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 19/11/2023 19:31

Daffidale · 19/11/2023 08:21

You’re getting stuff free or cheap, then you’re the one who needs to accommodate the giver/seller, not the other way around. If it doesn’t work for you don’t take/buy it.

The window thing is a bit weird but whatever

But OP did accommodate her, she went when she was told to go.

The woman was rude and dismissive and superior.

Icopewhenihope · 19/11/2023 19:32

Yes there is a sense if entitlement and it’s not her.

UsingChangeofName · 19/11/2023 19:32

Am quite surprised at the reaction to 'top and tail' - it has been around a lot longer than the internet. There's no specific way to do it. It simply means 'washing the crucial bits' rather than having a bath.

Surely everyone has given their baby a quick clean up with a flannel, (or cotton wool when they are tiny maybe ?) ..... either while they are on your lap or on the changing mat or on a towel on the floor, on the odd occasion when they can't give them a whole bath for one reason or another ?

10HailMarys · 19/11/2023 19:41

She was flaky and annoying, but she was also giving you something for free. In that situation the onus is on you, as the one getting something for free, to fit around the other person.

canyoudealit · 19/11/2023 19:48

UsingChangeofName · 19/11/2023 19:32

We probably did it without making a special drama about it and starting a thread about how it was a huge inconvenience to do, though?

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 19/11/2023 19:51

Brixtonvssouthcroydon · 19/11/2023 08:03

I'm with you op, don't let the Mumsnet police tell you otherwise, she was rude and entitled. Giving away something doesn't give you the right to omit basic manners.

Just about to say exactly this.

I find it strange that people think manners are only required when money exchanges hands. Or that OP should tolerate being treated lesser because she accepted something for free.

If I am giving away an item I would say its outside the front door sorry I'm upstairs with baby. Then the person would msg when collected to say thanks. I've often done this, both ways.

myotherkidisacassowary · 19/11/2023 19:52

It’s not really entitlement since she was giving something away rather than getting something but she was weird and rude.

sillyme563 · 19/11/2023 20:05

I agree with you op. You say it was fine etc but your baby was still screaming for the bath, and you went out of your way to accommodate for her when she hadn't yet confirmed with you, and made the unnecessarily rude comment about how it was inconvenient for her.

I'm not sure if entitled is the right word for it, but she does sound like a cow.

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