To be fed up of people suggesting I have adhd.

[Goatinthegarden]

I’m a very energetic person. I’m always on the move and I talk a lot. I have to make a conscious effort to not to talk over people or just fill space with noise, but I try really hard with this. I am good at listening to others, asking questions and remembering things that are important to them. I’m not very good at sitting still, so tend to always be on the move - I’d rather walk, run or cycle than drive somewhere. I often stand rather than sit. My DH is sporty and likes that I’m always up for an active weekend with him. I’ll put a podcast on and cook, make something, or just clean, rather than sit on the sofa. I don’t lie in and don’t have children to organise, so tend to just get into work pretty early to get on with things. I can be a bit of a procrastinator and tend to flit between tasks if I’m working alone (I put much more effort into focusing if working with others so I don’t annoy anyone) but I have a system and am very organised and always meet my deadlines, usually ahead of time. I am also really anal about my work (and anything else I make or do) being to a high standard, but again, I don’t broadcast this, or make it anyone else’s problem.

I don’t really feel that my life is hindered in any way, but over the last year or so, people (usually at work, but also friends and family) keep suggesting that I have ADHD. A colleague of mine (who has very different challenges to me) has recently started taking medication for ADHD and keeps suggesting I try and get hold of some to ‘see if it makes a difference’. People comment often that I have ‘too much energy’. The implication is that something about me needs fixing.

I’m worried that I must be irritating people, but the same people still approach me to ask me to go for lunch or drinks after work and often ask me to work on projects with them. I like being me and I have good relationships with lots of people (not everyone). Why do people feel the need to comment negatively on behaviours that I don’t mind having? I accept other people for behaving differently to me.

AIBU to be fed up of people suggesting I need to be labelled, diagnosed or even medicated?

Are you messy? You sound just like me- but I’m also messy and lose things a lot.
Also so you have a goat?! 🥰

YANBU - Whether you have ADHD or not if you're happy and it's not impacting you then I can see why the suggestions could be annoying. Also it's unsolicited advice, who wants unsolicited advice?

What I would say is that I have always been a bit unusual and am currently under assessment for ADHD and ASD. Admittedly I've had very sketchy mental health throughout my life, which you don't appear to be describing.

But where the wheels really came off was when I had kids. Once I couldn't access all the things that kept me balanced I really took a dive. It's hard to describe but try to assess all the things you currently do and which ones you really need to keep you happy/healthy. And if you are considering any large life changes (like having kids), just keep in the back of your mind that if you find it unusually hard or your mental health takes a big dip then you might want to revisit the suggestions you've heard previously. That's not the same thing as me suggesting you have it, but just that it'd be something I'd definitely keep in the back of my mind.

I think you recognise yourself that you’re unusually energetic/driven - most people don’t stand instead of sitting, prefer not to drive etc. That’s OK! And you do display some traits of dopamine-seeking behaviour, like the task-switching, which is common to ADHD. So people commenting on that is not particularly negative unless you perceive it to be so.

What’s more likely is that, like your friend who’s been diagnosed and now medicated for ADHD, they recognise that it can sometimes be debilitating or have a negative impact (in their own personal lived experience, otherwise why he medicated?) and want to offer a ‘solution’ to a problem they have had. But if you don’t experience the same thing as a problem, that’s OK. Don’t take it as a criticism when it’s likely just a (misjudged) attempt to help.

TBH OP it does sound like you may have ADHD (and I say that as a parent with a DC with ADHD), but there is no law that says you have to seek diagnosis or take medication - it's up to you. You obviously feel happy in yourself and with your daily routines and that's great.

I know a guy (DH of a friend of mine), who is very much you describe yourself - he's always up early, high energy, workaholic, highly productive, and he's happy in himself and doesn't feel the need for diagnosis. I suspect people are just trying to help, but there is no harm in telling them that you don't want a diagnosis or medication, thanks very much, and then move the conversation on. It's your life, your body and it's really none of their business.

In my social world being officially recognised as ADHD is sort of a good thing. I've got two friends who paid for their own assessments and they announced it with pride, and now they go around suggesting othe people have it.

The truth is I don't think people are trying to annoy/offend you by suggesting you might have ADHD.

Imagine if you'd spent your whole life feeling like you dont fit in and struggle with stuff everybody else seems to find easy. Being recognised as ADHD is like a weight off - you're not abnormal and you're not 'broken'.

Basically, I wouldn't get annoyed by it. It's just a condition so treat it the same as if you were very pale and people were always suggesting you might be anemic, or you were frequently yawning and people were suggesting you were vitamin d deficient.

Just shrug it off!

Ps. Look at the DISC management personality system. You are obviously "Yellow' DISC type.

I'm a teacher with 20 years experience of SEN kids and know the diagnostic criteria well. I would be very, very reticent to even suggest ADHD in an adult because there are so many other factors that can affect behaviour. IME anyone without relevant qualifications who goes around 'diagnosing' subtle psycological conditions in acquaintences is a well meaning idiot.

Even if someone had ADHD it doesn't necessarily require medication- that's really only if management techniques fail and it's having a negative effect.

FWIW I'm pretty sure I have mild ASD and have never bothered seeking a diagnosis because I manage fine. Just be yourself, OP and don't worry about it.

If you're really a Sen teacher and that familiar with the diagnostic criteria, you'll know there's no such thing as 'mild' autism. Your experience of someone else's autism may be mild, and their need for accommodations may be mild, but there is no classification of autism where 'mild' is pay off the description of the condition itself. Parents have had to put up with so called professionals like you for years and it's deeply frustrating.

YANBU but I would try not to let it get to you. Clearly you are likeable but realistically the be all and end all of life isn’t being liked, if you are happy with yourself that is what is important.

I would just try and brush it off, if it is different people saying it, and say ‘I probably do but I’m happy as I am’. If it’s the same people and it’s getting to you, then just explain that whilst you appreciate they are coming from a place of care and good intention, it is making you feel like there’s something wrong with you that needs correcting, and you are happy managing as you are.

I'm not using mild in a formal or diagnostic sense. I'm using it to describe the way my own experience of certain aspects common to ASD affects my everyday life.

I haven't said any of the things you seem to be projecting on to me. You are making a personal attack on a random stranger because you don't like the way they describe themself. Maybe you should examine why you are trying to make other's day miserable and whether that's a good use of your time?

OP you are describing me although I love a lie in. People say it to me and I get it - would explain my teens and my confusion about why my kids were so lazy (I didn’t share this with them). I love it though. It’s like a super power. No need for any diagnosis here and I think most are being ‘helpful’ and just feel the difference if they mention it.

It sounds like you do have ADHD. Don’t worry about it, you can still be perfect.

To the people that say it’s coming from a kind place, it really just doesn’t feel like that. It feels like people are suggesting that there is something about my behaviour that needs addressing when I feel like I’m totally fine.

I feel fit and healthy and full of life. I’m very happy and content with the way I am and I don’t feel like I have a condition that I need help or support in managing.

It’s a bit unsettling to feel that people think I need require some sort of intervention.

I am exactly like you and especially at my age, I just see it as being me, that's all. This means that some things I'm naturally very good at, some things I am not, and others, I'm not naturally but I make every efforts to go against what is instinctive for me.

Being me as both been an advantage and a disadvantage but overall, I'm very happy with who I am and where I got too. I gave many friends and colleagues like me so I can't be too unbearable.

I wouldn't change me and nor should you if all is good.

"but I have a system and am very organised and always meet my deadlines, usually ahead of time."

This absolutely does not sound like ADHD.You just sound very high energy.
ADHD is about impulse and inhibition control. Not energy levels.

I sometimes find that agreeing with people gets them off my back. So if people told me they thought I had ADHD I’d just say, “Yes, maybe. It would explain a lot, ha ha.” You don’t need to believe it, or do anything about it. But it usually stops them from trying to persuade you.

Yanbu not to want to be diagnosed however if this is something many people are commenting on, it suggests your behaviour is affecting them in some negative way which is leading to this.

You say you don't broadcast things - I'd suggest it's not working the way you think it is.

Someone who fills space with noise is genuinely problematic in most workspaces. You might think you are consciously controlling this and other behaviours you've mentioned, but if someone is constantly on the move or making noise/talking etc, it will be noticed when others are not doing the same thing.

As harsh as it is, maybe time for a spot more introspection and assessment of what people are saying to you. I've been there - I was pulled into an office by a boss I respected and told in no uncertain terms to learn when to shut the fuck up. I still have to consciously shut my mouth at times.

I am exactly like you. People have also told me I have ADHD. I am tired of everything being pathologised and labelled. I am happy the way I am.

Hi OP, at the moment there is a lot talk on ADHD. Just because some of your behaviours might resemble ADHD to others, it doesn’t have to be! You can be energetic and not have ADHD but I don’t think some people get that. There seems to be a need to label and categorise people as having “something”. I have always been ok with getting things done but I have noticed that when I use my phone excessively it impacts my productivity and I procrastinate like crazy- become fidgety and unable to concentrate. I’m sure if I paid for an ADHD assessment I will get a diagnosis.

Perhaps have that discussion with those people that their comments, while perhaps well meant, are annoying and there is nothing in your life presently which is debilitating.

I sought a diagnosis because I was struggling with lots of things over the years and with 2 adhd kids, it was suggested as a possibility. I trialled medication but it didn't help me at all. Better for me is acknowledging my limitations and finding work arounds. The diagnosis means I get support when needed rather than being told I'm lazy.

I also work in neurodiversity and am daily good at spotting traits a mile off. That said, I would never tell someone they have X or Y. I might discuss traits IF that person brings it up with me. I might suggest they seek assessment if they have concerns. I might suggest strategies I have tried and tested if they ask for my help. But; imo, the rise of TikTok awareness has meant lots of well meaning people think they know neurodiverse individuals better than those people know themselves. And this is a huge problem.

Well it sounds like you do. There’s nothing wrong with having ADHD.

I am in my 50s and have always been like this. It's generally younger people who feel the need to tell me this because I get up very early and move about a lot.

It doesn't hinder anyone else.

And yes, I walk everywhere, but I don't mention it. This seems to annoy other people too , though it doesn't make me late. I am in London; makes sense to walk!

Hmmm. I get it. But also you are describing me and I’m almost certain that I am neurodiverse. I don’t know how I would feel if people openly suggested it, though it does come up in conversation with other ND people and I’m ok with that.

neurodiversity is experiencing a bit of a zeitgeist at present so it feels like it’s everywhere so I wonder if that’s part of it.

There’s “high functioning” ADHD, and that does sound like you.

If people at work are mentioning it, are there elements of working with you which can be difficult? Even if it’s that you work faster than everyone else?

I would be very annoyed, too. My daughter has recently been diagnosed and begun medication. She was telling me the things she does that she said led to seeking a diagnosis and I kept saying, but that’s just normal, doesn’t everyone do that/think like that?

I think people don’t realise how rude it sounds to be suggesting there’s something wrong with someone. I’d just fix them with the look, and say “Are you suggesting there’s something abnormal about me?” And hold the look until they get it.

Im retired now, and when I was working these labels weren’t a thing. We had a team member who never actually spoke to any of the rest of us - he used to come into work around 4 or 5 am and leave at lunchtime. The work got done, no problem. But I wouldn’t have been happy if someone had tried to jolly him into joining the office Christmas secret Santa, or diagnosed him with something.