To be fed up of people suggesting I have adhd.

[Goatinthegarden]

I’m a very energetic person. I’m always on the move and I talk a lot. I have to make a conscious effort to not to talk over people or just fill space with noise, but I try really hard with this. I am good at listening to others, asking questions and remembering things that are important to them. I’m not very good at sitting still, so tend to always be on the move - I’d rather walk, run or cycle than drive somewhere. I often stand rather than sit. My DH is sporty and likes that I’m always up for an active weekend with him. I’ll put a podcast on and cook, make something, or just clean, rather than sit on the sofa. I don’t lie in and don’t have children to organise, so tend to just get into work pretty early to get on with things. I can be a bit of a procrastinator and tend to flit between tasks if I’m working alone (I put much more effort into focusing if working with others so I don’t annoy anyone) but I have a system and am very organised and always meet my deadlines, usually ahead of time. I am also really anal about my work (and anything else I make or do) being to a high standard, but again, I don’t broadcast this, or make it anyone else’s problem.

I don’t really feel that my life is hindered in any way, but over the last year or so, people (usually at work, but also friends and family) keep suggesting that I have ADHD. A colleague of mine (who has very different challenges to me) has recently started taking medication for ADHD and keeps suggesting I try and get hold of some to ‘see if it makes a difference’. People comment often that I have ‘too much energy’. The implication is that something about me needs fixing.

I’m worried that I must be irritating people, but the same people still approach me to ask me to go for lunch or drinks after work and often ask me to work on projects with them. I like being me and I have good relationships with lots of people (not everyone). Why do people feel the need to comment negatively on behaviours that I don’t mind having? I accept other people for behaving differently to me.

AIBU to be fed up of people suggesting I need to be labelled, diagnosed or even medicated?

Do you tell them that?

OP you've had nice sensible answers on this thread - and some annoyingly bananas ones!

One of the many interesting things about about ADHD is that people fixate on the hyperactivity- but this is seen in children with the condition, and tends to wear off by adulthood.

Adult ADHD tends to be characterised by all the other, more serious symptoms, which stick around. The lack of organisation, poor working memory, poor executive functioning and so on.

You sound like my mum - a high-energy person who is good at getting things done- rather than my ADHD relative, whose daily life is heavily and negatively impacted by the disorder.

Honestly you don't sound any different to a lot of energetic and driven people I know. Well within the boundaries of "normal". What is normal anyway? We all have different energy levels, different ways of working, different standards. Different personalities, quiet and shy, outgoing and exuberant. It doesn't make you ADHD or any other ND. If you are happy and coping, crack on.

This is so annoying. There is a lot of difference between someone who is highly-energetic and someone who has ADHD.

I'm with you OP, I'm always on the go, love exercising, love getting into work early rather than sitting around...can't sit on a sofa all day or even want to...we'll be faffing in the kitchen with music on and having a little jig. This isn't ADHD. Can't believe the number of people that are getting energy levels and personality mixed up with a neuro disorder.

You sound like me and yes some people have also tried to diagnose me. But like you, I am just very energetic, I walk fast, I talk fast, always doing a million things, unable to sit and relax. Yes I also always prefer to stand instead of sitting, I only ever use my office chair for my handbag. I don't think all this affects me negatively in any way.

Exactly this.

I'm mum to ADHD eldest (diagnosed) DTwins (absolutely both have it, but too young to be assessed) and wife to ADHD DH.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having ADHD. They might struggle in areas I don't, but my God, they fly in areas I never could.

I think you sound like you have ADHD. And I often wonder about myself. There are different severities. And it's much more manageable as an adult. Unless your life feels like you aren't coping, then I would suggest you just carry on as you are. I certainly don't need medication, my DH as an adult does not, but eldest DS can't control himself (and get into mountains of trouble) without his.

I think people look at you, and I, and apply themselves to our actions. Your day, that you take in your stride, would be exhausting for them, so they naturally assume you must be exhausted. If they went at our pace, they would be really struggling. So they think we are. They honestly are trying to be helpful as they think medication might help what must be crippling exhaustion etc, because they can not comprehend how the exhaustion doesn't exist.

Don't be offended. I would just close any further conversation with "I know you're looking out for me, but I'm happy, healthy, enjoy my life and don't feel there's anything I'm struggling with. If I ever do, I know how to take myself to the GP for a check up, but I don't need to now."

I don’t think it sounds like ADHD tbh, I have a few friends who have been diagnosed with it and they’ve suggested I may have it, but from what I’ve read usually adult women with ADHD are quite disorganised, find it hard to meet deadlines, are late, make mistakes, get distracted very easily. That doesn’t sound like you?

I understand your frustration because I have a friend who is very very adamant that I have ADHD because I’m very talkative, I have anxiety and overthink, I do get distracted easily in conversations and talk over people (but I make effort to control this as I know it’s not acceptable) I make careless mistakes so I check my work repeatedly (but I work very very quickly so it doesn’t hamper my performance), I get bored very easily, I don’t like tasks that take me a long time to finish and require a lot of detail, I get a buzz from producing huge volumes of work very quickly, I am frequently late, I am forgetful, I lose things all the time, I switch jobs a lot because I get bored, my mind goes a hundred miles a minute, I’m inpatient, I hate being disturbed during a task as I find it very hard to get back into the task, I can’t sit still, I always fidget, if conversations are not very interesting (even if they are important) I zone out etc.

I know none of that is socially acceptable or good in the workplace or life in general, so I make a lot of effort to compensate and I suppose it must work because I have a lot of friends who are very complimentary of me, I don’t have any issues in the work place, have excellent feedback from managers and colleagues (one consultant told me he likes working with me as I never make mistakes!), I do agency work (because I get bored easily) and the hospitals I work at are always pressuring me to join them on a permanent basis.

I don’t want to pursue a diagnosis because I don’t see how it would benefit my life I’ve adapted to it and it does have a lot of benefits.

You would rather do the housework than sit still? I think many ADHD sufferers struggling with procrastination would love to be in this position.

100%

the only irritating thing you have listed is the talking over others. This is an infuriating and disrespectful habit - but you know that and are trying to control it.

there is an obsession with ADHD at the moment. I know several people in work on waiting lists for diagnosis - and it seems to be people who spend a lot of time on tik tok!!

if you are coping with work and are happy with you life ignore the armchair diagnosticians and rock on.

but please stop talking over people / they want to punch you I. The face😂😂😂

It does sound like ADHD but people shouldn't be offering you unsolicited "advice". If you're coping fine with life then there's no need to be diagnosed or medicated.

This is a real misconception, that people with ADHD all have poor organisational skills.

Particularly in adult women. My friend/work colleague was diagnosed as an adult. Her admin is excellent. Files, paperwork, house admin everything. A place for everything and for example she has every bill, filed, for about 15yrs. She feels distracted with anything hanging over her head, so deals with the admin and files immediately, think Monica from Friends organised. It's her hyperfocus.

She talks at great speed, her thought process pings all over the place and in conversation she zips on and off topic and ends up discussing nothing to do with the original point. She has some difficulty with social relationships because people can find her quite intense.

It can present very differently in male and female, from what I have both read up on, and from real life experience.

It sounds like you might do.

If people are suggesting you need to take something for it, rather than just that you have it, maybe ask them what they think you need help with?

But it doesn’t sound that anyone intends to offend you.

Adhd stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactive DISORDER.

Of course OP should be offended. People are suggesting her brain is DISORDERED.

There is nothing wrong with her. She is simply energetic and full of life. Implying that must mean she has a disability is horrible.

‘but please stop talking over people / they want to punch you I. The face😂😂😂’

I do work really hard not to do this, I just find it hard not to jump in with my thoughts. If I do, I immediately apologise and ask the person to carry on (and zip my mouth). I get that this could annoy people, but it doesn’t mean I have ADHD.

A medical receptionist told me I needed an adhd assessment. I was like wtf.... she then backtracked. Its rude. My son has adhd so I know it's not awful but to label random people is rude.

You sound a bit like my DH. We've discussed the fact that he seems to have the hyperactivity bit of ADHD, but without any of the typical difficulties with inattention (or any other executive functioning difficulties). He's like a Duracell bunny - always on the go. So is his mother and one of our three kids.

Just because someone is neurodivergent doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with them…

This is the main issue. OP shouldn’t feel offended about being asked if they have ADHD because there isn’t anything wrong with them even if they do! Y’all need to stop acting like having ADHD is an insult or something.

It does sound like you may have ADHD but you don't necessarily have the challenges that come with it. Nothing wrong with that. If you are happy then stay as you are there is nothing wrong with difference.

I'm ADHD and I don't take medication for it. Yes it helps with the challenges but I find it takes the good parts of my ADHD away and it increased my sensory sensitivity too much. I got a degree, work mortgage and everything before I was diagnosed- it doesn't always hold you back

So plenty of people just on this thread are saying we are full of energy duracell bunnes. Could it be that we are simply like that, without it being a disorder?

It's like when someone is describing a bone idle husband who only sits on the sofa playing computer games, you can bet that there are several people diagnosing him with depression, without considering that some people are just lazy.

If this is coming from people with adhd, then part of the issue might be how you are responding as though a “label” is a bad thing, or that “adhd” is a bad thing. The things you describe do sound like they could be adhd, and if I knew you I would wonder (but personally wouldn’t say anything). So when you respond like that, it might feel hurtful to them that you are offended, so they keep trying to explain and point things out to you.
A better approach might be to just say something like - “yeah, a few people have suggested I might have adhd. I don’t find any of these things a hindrance personally, so I’m not fussed about a diagnosis, but it’s interesting how brains work differently”.

You're the one equating ADHD with negativity. Perhaps take a look at potential bias you feel towards it.

ADHD is not a bad thing. It's a difference in neurology.

It's great you don't feel affected by your high energy life! For this reason, I can understand, however, that being told you should try medication could be annoying.

I think people like you don't realise how rude it is to say that somebody with a diagnosis is experiencing 'normal' life. They obviously are not.

There is nothing wrong with people with ADHD.

They have a neurological difference.

My adult son has recently been diagnosed with ADHD, and as a previous poster said his life as an adult is pretty shit. As a child the impact didn’t show up, maybe a bit quirky, different, but he managed. We now realise it’s because as a child he had structure supplied by the adults around him.
My point being if you are managing your life so well as an adult you probably don’t have ADHD, but even if you did just be grateful that things are working for you. Honestly being annoyed by people around you who say something a bit flippant is not worth getting upset about, just be glad your life works for you, ADHD or not.