To be fed up of people suggesting I have adhd.

[Goatinthegarden]

I’m a very energetic person. I’m always on the move and I talk a lot. I have to make a conscious effort to not to talk over people or just fill space with noise, but I try really hard with this. I am good at listening to others, asking questions and remembering things that are important to them. I’m not very good at sitting still, so tend to always be on the move - I’d rather walk, run or cycle than drive somewhere. I often stand rather than sit. My DH is sporty and likes that I’m always up for an active weekend with him. I’ll put a podcast on and cook, make something, or just clean, rather than sit on the sofa. I don’t lie in and don’t have children to organise, so tend to just get into work pretty early to get on with things. I can be a bit of a procrastinator and tend to flit between tasks if I’m working alone (I put much more effort into focusing if working with others so I don’t annoy anyone) but I have a system and am very organised and always meet my deadlines, usually ahead of time. I am also really anal about my work (and anything else I make or do) being to a high standard, but again, I don’t broadcast this, or make it anyone else’s problem.

I don’t really feel that my life is hindered in any way, but over the last year or so, people (usually at work, but also friends and family) keep suggesting that I have ADHD. A colleague of mine (who has very different challenges to me) has recently started taking medication for ADHD and keeps suggesting I try and get hold of some to ‘see if it makes a difference’. People comment often that I have ‘too much energy’. The implication is that something about me needs fixing.

I’m worried that I must be irritating people, but the same people still approach me to ask me to go for lunch or drinks after work and often ask me to work on projects with them. I like being me and I have good relationships with lots of people (not everyone). Why do people feel the need to comment negatively on behaviours that I don’t mind having? I accept other people for behaving differently to me.

AIBU to be fed up of people suggesting I need to be labelled, diagnosed or even medicated?

I think an NHS diagnosis requires that you display 'significant difficulty in at least two areas of life' so I'm not sure this would meet the threshold. A private diagnoses may be different but the NHS don't always recognise/uphold them.

Following on what Caramac says, one of the required criteria for ADHD in the DSM-5 (standardly used) is ‘There is clear evidence that the symptoms interfere with, or reduce the quality of, social, school, or work functioning.’

As it sounds as though you’re functioning brilliantly, you wouldn’t get the diagnosis on this basis 🙂

Yep, this is an essential part of the diagnosis in NHS or private setting.

I know exactly what you mean OP as people have often asked if I have ASD, employers, colleagues and my DH likes to point out my 'ASD' traits. I can't imagine why they think it's an appropriate thing to say. From my point of view I'm happy, employed, qualified and manage to do everything at home and raise 2 kids, what would be the point of going through a stressful process to maybe or maybe not get a diagnosis?

It's not that easy to get an ADHD diagnosis, I know because my mum spent my brother's whole school years trying to get him diagnosed. About a year after finally getting a diagnosis he found the medication was dangerous for his liver function so he's never taken it since. He gets no support and manages on by himself, like everyone has to. It's not really made any positive difference to his life.

Maybe reverse the question when you get asked next. The last colleague who asked me if I had autism I said no, it's not something I've been diagnosed with, do you have autism? They looked quite surprised like I'd asked them something very strange and didn't raise the subject again.

If your life isn't impaired by these traits then it's not ADHD. Impairment is an inherent part of the diagnosis.

Sorry, just seen that others have already said this!

I work with a man who has many many autistic type characteristics but I'd never tell him this because he wouldn't want to hear it and he's bad at introspection so would be unable to see himself as others see him

Same man has a son and sons school suggested testing son as they think he's autistic. Man went nuts. Went into school ranting that his son isn't autistic etc etc. What I've heard of son I'd say he might well be autistic

What I'm saying is that it's possible that other people see you in ways you are unable to see yourself

YANBU OP. People are obsessed with placing easy lables on every single way of being at the moment. If they want to do it to themselves, that's up to them. But foisting this preoccupation onto others is intrusive and unlikely to be helpful.

I'm pretty much as you describe in most respects, and I think there can be a whole range of different types of explanation for having that kind of energy. People are complicated and varied, waaaay more than can be captured by a few fashionable labels. It is offensive to gratuitously foist a crude diagnostic matrix onto that complexity.
Even within a properly disciplined medical context, these sorts of diagnostic terms are something of an approximation - crude and question begging, their utility limited to providing a best-guess about possible treatments. It is so stupid to throw them about outside of the narrow set of circumstances in which they have a qualified value.
I hope the bubble will burst soon.

Whilst I understand that people are saying ADHD is not a problem and I shouldn’t be bothered by people commenting, the issues I have with it are:

I don’t comment on other people’s behaviours, to have someone else commenting on how I behave, when most of the behaviours they are commenting on (such as me always being ‘on the go’) don’t affect them in any way. Therefore, it just seems quite rude and intrusive. Even if I am ‘annoying’ them, I go out of my way to be kind, respectful, polite and warm to everyone and I avoid people I don’t want to be around. They don’t need to engage with me if they don’t like me, my job doesn’t require it.

There is an implication that my behaviours are not typical and need addressing somehow. A diagnosis is usually sought to get some support or understanding.

I don’t comment negatively when I hear someone has been sat vegging in front of the tv for several hours, even though I couldn’t think of a worse way to spend time.

I’m not struggling or asking anyone for help and advice. I just don’t want unsolicited medical advice from people who have absolutely zero medical knowledge. I wouldn’t go up to someone with acne (for example), diagnose their skin condition and tell them to get medication for it.

Oh and I should say, people aren’t taking me aside in a concerned way and asking me.

More just regular, ‘bantery’ comments like ‘oh you ran to work today? You’re so adhd’.

It’s just so regular, it’s quite wearing.

If everyone who interrupts and talks over colleagues has ADHD then just about every man in my work has ADHD😂😂.

and also having ADHD doesn’t mean it’s okay either. My dad constantly talks over my mum. He is basically saying he doesn’t value her enough to listen to what she has to say, that he knows better and he can the points faster. It’s a dreadful habit that has huge impact on people.

I worked with a man who constantly did this. Creativity was stifled, team members never got the opportunity to express their views because they were silenced.

I'm also a very high energy person - always mentally and physically busy but am happy in my skin. I'm a high achiever and like you OP always finish projects on schedule. I have a sibling diagnosed with ADHD and they find life difficult - always distracted, failing to fulfill obligations, deliver on projects etc. it has been mentioned to me by family members that I may have ADHD and I was certainly very hyper as a child. Ive done a couple of on line tests and score zero on the key ADHD trait sections. One of my characteristics that others sometimes find hard to get is that I achieve lots through focus and not getting too involved in minutiae. I've learnt this in senior roles that if you need to deliver across multiple projects you need to work out where the detail really matters and apply focus there otherwise just do what needs to be done. My DH doesn't always get this as he's very detail oriented.

I feel like a lot of things I read being attributed to possible ADHD are just factors reflecting our modern lifestyles. Like, if you have two young kids and work in a stressful senior exec role it's not surprising if you sit there on the weekend procrastinating and not doing all the stuff on your long list.

Yes, women were definitely underdiagnosed in the past but we also weren't nearly as likely to be working full time senior jobs whilst simultaneously managing all the housework/child stuff.