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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my son with tummy upset to be able to go to the loo in school?

56 replies

windygalestoday · 12/03/2008 08:36

in short ....ds1 ds2 both have tummy upset ds1 is bad enough not to be at school ds2 chooses to go to school...after lunch he gets bad tummy cramp(hes 12 btw) and realises he needs the loo ,he raises hand and asks to go .....NO says the teacher you should have gone at lunch (hes never asked to leave room b4 for loo all term) realising hes going to to need to go ,he leaves the room saying i have to go miss ....goes to loo returns to class feeling shakey and a bit embarassed (tmi but smelly stools) the teacher immediately yells at him in front of class he says 'miss with all respect i needed to go i couldnt wait' this she informs him will get you in big trouble (it was an art lesson and no science experiment or maths problems were being explained) son leaves it unwilling to divulge to whole class why he had left the room ,at the end of the lesson he approaches teacher to explain and is told he cannot undo his 'wrongdoing' but miss he says needing the toilet isnt something i can help .......well later that afternoon about tea time i get a call from senior staff saying about this episode ....im appalled (and i told her this) that a teacher who is being paid a salary the same as you had you fone me up bcos my son went to the loo ,this happened in her lesson and its her problem to resolve,had she listened to him she would know and your time wouldnt be wasted foning me .....

i know she wasnt to know he was ill when he asked could he go, but can it wait or go now and see me when u come back surely would have sufficed?

OP posts:
seeker · 12/03/2008 08:42

If he was ill enough not to be able to wait he shouldn't have been at school. This sort of bug is incredibly contagious.

LieselVonTrapp · 12/03/2008 08:43

YANBU - thats a bit off

Marne · 12/03/2008 08:44

Sorry but i would'nt have sent him to school with a tummy bug, its not fair if he passes it on to other kids. DD's nursery has a rule that you cant send them until 48 hours after last symtoms. The teacher may not have realissed he had a upset tummy.

moopymoo · 12/03/2008 08:44

I think that the teacher handled it badly but often children ask to go to the loo to avoid class. Its a fine line between stopping this and knowing when a child is ill. As above, ideally he should not have been in school.

posieflump · 12/03/2008 08:45

it's not up to him to decide if he is well enough to go to school it is up to you

Original poster
windygalestoday · 12/03/2008 08:50

ohhh posie flump if hed have been very bad i would not have sent him to school as it was ds1 had the symptoms the day before, so it would appear that ds2 had worse much worse to come.

funny really on mumsnet how parenting skills are brought into it every time,clearly at 12 he is old enough to know if his urge for the loo is as desperate as his brothers and as he seemed comparitively well so i allowed him to go to school.

when school telephoned i explained he had tummy upset and they never once mentioned he shouldnt have been in school -thats becuse they know im a responsible parent.

is it very hard learning to be such perfect mums?

OP posts:
moopymoo · 12/03/2008 08:52

oh i find it comes to me easily.

Original poster
windygalestoday · 12/03/2008 08:53

lmao is that cos u read my book?

OP posts:
katz · 12/03/2008 08:53

i'm with others on this he shouldn't have been in school.

.

Buda · 12/03/2008 08:55

Well the teacher is not a mind reader so wasn't to know he had a dodgy tummy. And he really shouldn't have been at school I'm afraid.

No one expects you to be a perfect Mummy but it really isn't fair to expose the rest of the class to whatever it is your child has.

corblimeymadam · 12/03/2008 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
windygalestoday · 12/03/2008 08:56

sighs

OP posts:
bubblagirl · 12/03/2008 08:57

i too would have said no to going to school, as policy has it you have to be 24 hr clear before returning

but that aside it was very wrong i too when at school was told couldnt go to toilet and had to hold caused me to have really bad kidney infection have always really suffered with them since whether it stemmed from there who knows

but had to always have a letter stating i could leave as and when to use toilet

flossish · 12/03/2008 08:58

I think what you need to think about is the difference between your DS's, one was really ill with it, well ill enough to stay off school, the other had it but felt up to it. He then goes to school and spreads it to others who may get it as bad if not worse than your DS2. Well, thats my opinion anyway.

corblimeymadam · 12/03/2008 09:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ernest · 12/03/2008 09:03

odd that the teacher involved couldn't/didn't call you I agree.

DO they go running for help every time they have a problem with a kid.

I'm impressed your son apologised and didn't just get angry, after all, if yo have to go, you have to go. V. harsh that she said his 'wrongdoing' couldn't be undone.

I do think teacher in difficult position that kids can and do take the piss with going to loo during lessons, and isn't mind reader. But she shouldve realised he was desperate when he went anyway, esp if he's normally a good kid in school. A chat after esp as he was good enough to apologise should've sufficed, and she should also maybe have acknowledged she was also in the worng. Certainly a phone call was unncessary, esp by another member of staff!

(But agree, would've been better to keep him at home in the 1st place.)

Lulumama · 12/03/2008 09:09

why post AIBU if you are going to sigh and get cross that people think you are being unreasonable!?

it is fairly well known that childrne should be off school until they hvae had 24 hours free and clear of sypmtoms like upset tummies and vomiting

not up to your DC to decide if he is well enough. clearly , he wasn't.

he had a tummy upset, he should have been at home where he could go to teh loo as and when

Moomin · 12/03/2008 09:23

At the (secondary) school I teach at it is policy not to let kids out of lessons to use the loo. There have been thefts and vandalism before so that was why the rule was introduced. If it is deemed to be an emergency (e.g. girls on periods, etc) we have to call for another member of staff to take them down to the loo. From most of the classrooms I teach in I can see down to the pupil loos so once or twice I've stood at the doorway watching that they go down to the loo and waited for them to come back. Kids who go to high school are expected to use the loos in their breaks.

Tummy bugs are notoriously 'unpredictable' so I guess you live and learn, and this situation is hardly likely to happen again for you and your ds (not least because he'll have been too mortified, poor thing!)

LieselVonTrapp · 12/03/2008 09:31

.... and now theyre all GPs

MsPontipine · 12/03/2008 09:37

Poor little chap - teacher sounds horrible.

Whether he should have been at school or not is not the issue.

This lad needed the toilet suddenly and urgently (which could have happened with no bug) and he should have been allowed with no silly fuss at all.

Refusing a child (or adult) permissision to perform the most basic of human needs is downright cruel.

Moomin · 12/03/2008 09:45

So does that mean that every request is granted, MsPontipine? Look at what I posted at 9.23. I'm guessing that if it was an Art teacher she only sees the pupils at most once a week and possibly on a rota so only for a term at a time. Therefore, she won't know the OP's ds very well and has no way of knowing if he's a pisstaker or not. I've had kids who seem genuine absolutely begging to use the loo, pestering me for up to 20 mins through a lesson and I;ve found out that they are notorious for this behaviour. They use the permission to wander round messing about and sometimes worse (again see above). Pupils who have long-term problems and need the loo at short notice have discreet toilet pass cards and they, of course, are given immediate permission. Teachers aren't mind-readers though. How do we know what's genuine?

FloraPosteschild · 12/03/2008 09:52

He should have been allowed to go, without a big fuss, but I am afraid I agree with the majority here - he should have been kept at home. It's not about whether he feels well enough, it's about not spreading illnesses to other people's children.

scaryteacher · 12/03/2008 10:14

He should have been kept at home, as it can spread very quickly. However, the sensible thing would have been to give your DS a note explaining the situation, or written a note in his planner that he could show to the teacher, so he would be allowed to go without fuss.

I tended to let my students go to the loo, as the girls toilet was right next door to my classroom, so they didn't have an excuse for being ages. I used to be stricter with the boys, especially when I'd taught them for a year, and knew who was swinging the lead. I have been known to tell the worst offenders to tie a knot in it. Those who didn't normally ask, I would allow to go, especially as my DS used to have a problem like this, so I could understand how they felt. Kids just don't always remember to go at lunchtime/breaktime though, and neither do teachers!

bluenosesaint · 12/03/2008 10:17

YABU - IMO he should not have been there in the first place with a tummy bug

cazboldy · 12/03/2008 10:19

agree bluenosesaint!