I like to think that I've grown very wise to people over the last 5-10 years and that I'm good at identifying and 'not feeding into' toxic relationships, as there are a few in my life where no-contact is not an option. I think that's why I am so furious that the current situation is still bothering me and I have NO idea how to move past it.
DH and I (and 2 DC) have a small 3-bed house. It has always seemed to require lots of work to just be a cosy, habitable space, but we make it work, even though there's always some kind of DIY project going on! Potentially, because DH does nearly all of the DIY, we don't quite get the longevity or finish that you would by getting professionals in, but we do save a lot of money!
Anyway, we have a number of 'friends' (who have been very fortunate in finances and live in much bigger properties) and family members (very similar in finances to us but for some reason still act the same way) who like to bring down anything we do. Let's say about 6 people in total, all of whom are not really linked to each other. For example, dh worked hard to redecorate our living room last year at considerable cost to time and finances. New furniture, the lot. Friend 1 walks in and says 'ooh doesn't it look so much smaller!' Another friend walked in and finds it hilarious as we are 'always having to move our furniture around and she doesn't know whether she is coming or going'. It was the same with the garden, and when my husband converted our garage to his home office. Always comments about the size and little 'jabs' or 'jokes' that I would feel silly standing up to. My family are more discreet but I heard them through the window on the way out 'ohh I didn't like that sofa, did you see how long it took them to do the floor? I don't know how they cope'.
This year we have finally managed to free up finances for a small extension. This has been half completed by builders, dh is completing the other half now. I'm not going to lie, it's been a stretch financially as it is and it definitely doesn't have all the bells and whistles one might expect from the type of extension it is. But it will solve a problem for us! Already the comments laughing at 'poor dh having to do more DIY' along with 'can't wait to come and see it' have begun and I'm absolutely dreading showing them the finished project because it's going to be small and I can hear the comments already.
I know that I am a bit sensitive because our house is small and their houses are big. Not just bigger... big. But I just want to be able to feel grateful that dh and I have what we have (and we are in such a fortunate position to most in this country) without being made to feel inferior. It doesn't seem worth causing aggravation by going nc with these people, it's too complicated but I'd happily never let them set foot in my house again. It's a big birthday for me in a few months so I know they will all want to drop in but then it will all become about 'seeing the extension'.
I am lucky to have true friends who tell me not to let it bother me, and that they can see jealousy rearing its head for various other reasons (non- house related) but yet here I am. Awake at 5am worrying about the simple act of people coming in to my house , once again. I do feel like it's deliberate but can't understand why it comes from so many places! It's ridiculous - AIBU to hate myself for letting this get to me?