Fat, fifty and can't see a way through this awful time. Please advise me?

[deeleen]

As title suggests, I am fat, just 50 and feel awful.
In the last year I've been diagnosed with IBS, chronic stress, pneumonia, hypertension, fibroids, anxiety and low level reactive depression.
I'm on hrt and anti hypertensives.
I'm coming out of things with treatment and minding myself.
I have two kids with Sn and an exh who won'tCo parent or contribute to their needs.
I have a high pressure full time job
I look awful. I'm 85kg at 5'7'. I drink too much wine and eat too much fat.
I look exhausted all the time.
I don't walk as much as I should and my energy and motivation is so low.
Where do I even begin with myself?
What would help to even begin?

I'd ask your GP for help with the need for alcohol, or speak to Alcoholics Anonymous UK. Please also speak to your GP about how you're feeling emotionally and see if they can refer you for some therapy.

Help is out there OP, and honestly to me it sounds like the alcohol is making you ill in several ways. I think if you can tackle that you'll feel so much better.

Understand the feeling of release with the wine, but smokers would say the same about cigarettes. Drugs wouldn't be so moreish if they didn't have this perceived upside to them. And it's okay in moderation if you're otherwise healthy but you have to balance that sense of release with all the negatives its bringing with it, and see that if you got your release from exercise instead, you'd have a net gain instead of the net loss that alcohol is giving you. Try not having it for a couple of weeks and see how much of a chimera the release is and what progress you can achieve with the energy and benefits you get.

Start with not shaming yourself. You are not defined by being fat or having health problems. You are precious just as you are, especially to your kids.

As others have said make one change at a time and find a way to work in luxuries or treats for yourself which contribute positively to your health. I agree with others that the thing to change first is probably cutting out the alcohol, as it is a mood depressant and also affects appetite and sleep etc. Best wishes xxx

I think that you've got to get your head around being a single parent. I say that as someone whose DH became disabled, then died. I know it's easier than having a dead beat ex (my DD has one of them). Acceptance of your situation and planning on how the future looks, does a lot. As said, give up alcohol. Rather than thinking about it as giving up, think about how you are providing self care by not drinking. Then not calorie restriction, but better eating. Drink at least two litres of water a day, that includes tea/coffee. When you are feeling better, then calorie counting can start, as well as exercise.

I agree the priority is stopping the drinking.

If you could stop the wine and do something - anything - else such as meditation ro yoga, you would be improving your health a great deal.

Stop drinking. Completely. You sound like you are becoming dependent.

Alcohol causes anxiety and depression, it's very calorific, and it's expensive. It's a brain poison. Plus it causes many other health issues and is not going to be helping your IBS.
One stone, many birds.

You'll need to find another coping mechanism.

Cut out thr alcohol and if you can afford it, consult a nutritionist. I think most of your health, energy and self imagine issues eill stem back to diet. It's not the nicest part of you to change but I guarantee in a years time you will be so glad you did it.

But you are going to keep waking up in the morning OP. As you say, just now for your kids. But one day, when this tough time has passed, for you too. Meanwhile, you're getting through your days, and while you're doing that, you might as well spend your time doing things that are kind to yourself rather than those that make iyou feel worse. Drinking isn't making you happier. If it was, well fair play to you. But if after drinking you're still feeling that hopeless, then maybe try something else? There's loads of suggestions out there to lift mood. Maybe do some research and try them out instead.

First of all you need to be kind to yourself & you’re not doing that. Echo the stance on Alcohol there are so many options for low alcohol on the market you probably won’t even notice. Be careful though with the sugar content of some of these. Please speak to your doctor, there might be somthing else going on, couple of years felt awful ended up BP through the roof turns out I had kidney disease then found out I had an autoimmune condition then you just keep getting these autoimmune diseases. I had to give up work luckily I was able to retire. I think the menopause kicked things off & stress. Best of luck

I think you need to start with the wine.
It sounds like you have alcohol dependency and I think you should talk to your GP about this.

Others have said this too, but please cut way back on the drinking.

You have a lot on your plate, to put it mildly, but drinking isn't a good way to cope.

Drinking will affect your physical and mental health, and will add lots of unwanted calories to your diet. It's also guilt inducing.

Stopping drinking is going to be the first step.
It might be the only thing you feel you get pleasure from now but it doesn’t have to be that way.
I would watch some videos on YouTube or listen to some podcasts on sobriety and see if you think it can help.
Theres no point eating healthier food and getting a few more thousand steps in a day if you’re still ploughing through the wine daily, it’s like applying a bit of Savlon to a severed leg! Yeah in itself healthier food and a bit of exercise is good, but it can’t compete with the toxins from a lot of alcohol.
If you can’t totally give up, save it for Saturday night only. you’ll soon feel a lot brighter (yes it’ll be hard bc you’re no longer numbing some of the pain but if you want to feel better long term then it’s got to be one of the first steps)

"Just for today, I'm not going to have a drink." Repeat.
Try going to bed earlier to avoid cravings, temptation.
Yes, your in a difficult situation but it is possible to turn it around.
Listen to Les Brown on youtube, one of the best motivational speakers in the world.
"It's not over until you win" is an excellent moving and inspiring speech.

Sometimes you have to force yourself

you know there is a problem and you can see the issues , im also a 50 year old lone parent and it’s a battle

but it’s all too much to tackle at once

I also drink and I’m in a constant battle to reduce

in terms of diet can you start a food diary and start to orient towards healthy food that you actually like , and NOT buy the crap

the big game changer for me has been exercise
get a sports bra and trainers and do walk jog walk jog

and self care , I try to make an effort with skincare and my hair as it helps

small habits and small changes Op

you are not alone and I think it’s really powerful you posted this and acknowledged things have got fucked up

Thank you

I echo stopping the drinking (don't cut down as that doesn't work as you are constantly detoxing and re-toxing)- give it at least 2 weeks (ideally a month or longer) and see how you feel. Don't use willpower read some quitlit like This Naked Mind. I'm a similar age and alcohol was my crutch too but after stopping I noticed how much better I slept and how much better I was able to cope with the stresses of life (as alcohol raises cortisol levels so you get more stressed). I now drink occasionally but then I stop again as I start feeling rubbish again with poor quality sleep and that sluggish morning feeling!

Once you are sleeping better and off alcohol you will feel more energised to look at your diet and see where you can fit some exercise into your routine.

Just going to say 85kg at 5'7 at 50 is fine? Im 50 and 5'6 and a size 14 at that weight (big bum and G boobs)

Maybe get some new clothes? Wouldnt over focus on weight

Honestly you sound amazing!

When I'm a bit low I get massages, or see tarot readers, or have hypnotherapy to boost self-esteem.

Good luck

Stop drinking.

Dump the booze - it fucks with your brain chemistry - you should see an improvement with your mood and anxiety if you stop alcohol. It might feel like it helps at the time, but it's illusory.

Plus it's easier to control what you eat if you're not drinking.

And it might help the IBS. I used to get terrible bouts of it, and I would have sworn up and down that it was nothing to do with my alcohol intake, but it turns out that was not the case, it's really improved since I stopped.

Anyone who's raising two kids with sn, alone, and working, is amazing already! Don't be so hard on yourself.

I'd focus on finding small healthy or neutral things that you enjoy, and start doing them more. Start small and it can become a positive cycle.

Honestly giving up booze completely will transform your life. So much anxiety and unhappiness comes from being hungover all the time, it really is the worst thing for your mental
health, self esteem, pocket, skin, waistline etc etc. Do a month off and see. You will feel lighter in every sense and full of hope.

Your GP surgery may have a scheme with One Life for a 12 week referral to Slimming World or (in my mind more beneficial) your local gym. Free to you. It'll give you support and guidance to help you lose weight and tone up. I've just completed the 12 week gym and am 18 pounds lighter (but still a stone to go) and have signed up for a year's membership with the gym as I've found I love exercising!

Not something a lot of people would have ever thought I'd say!

You CAN lose weight post 50. You can tone up. You just need to commit to it. I've started my journey, so can you 😁

Slimpod. Deals with your head, motivation, self esteem and relationship with food (and more). It's not a diet. There's a 10 day free trial. Loads of us 50 something women who have reached the end of the road diet wise. There's also the Chillpod, which is great for just de-stressing and calming. It's hard to describe it, you really need to try it out to understand it.

Some good advice on this thread OP.
Especially don't beat yourself up.
Your life isn't easy and you are doing your best. Now you need to give yourself a bit of TLC and change one or two things at a time. Fix what you can, when you can and the rest will follow.

Also, I think it would really help you if you went to the GP and asked for your 5 year health check, including blood test... I was vitamin deficient in several key vitamins ( I believed all the articles that said that diet was enough, you didn't need vitamin supplements. They were wrong) I can't believe the difference it's made.

I find it helpful to have rules. My rules are:

I only drink a glass of wine on a Friday or Saturday night.

I don’t eat sandwiches at lunchtime.

Cutting down on bread has really helped me to feel less of a pull towards carbs and lost me half a stone.

Best wishes.