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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask partner to leave whilst I get induced

80 replies

suzie0999 · 14/11/2023 20:24

My waters broke at 36 weeks yesterday and I am being induced.

I am feeling so stressed as I al finding partner so annoying.
I would probably feel better going through the the birth as everything he does seem to annoy me.

For example I have gestational diabetes and he is trying to argue with me that I can eat a Toffee Mullers yogurt.

I have had to do a Strep B test and is arguing with me that I should allow him to watch him allow me put the sample in my bum.

When I asked him would he feel comfortable if I were to watch him he starts arguing with me and tells me to F off.

I dont know if it is my hormones or what but he is driving me crazy.

I feel so stressed as it is.

Its like anything little thing I do he will try and question it or challenge me.

Am I being unreasonable to ask him to leave?

OP posts:
Irridescantshimmmer · 15/11/2023 06:00

Tell him him to leave.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 15/11/2023 06:04

Childbirth is not a spectator sport.

If he is not actively helping you, he should not be there.

Kick him out or get the midwife to kick him out.

You are about to give birth, you are allowed to cause a scene if that is what it takes.

pickledandpuzzled · 15/11/2023 06:05

The midwives are probably itching to get rid of him anyway. They don’t like unsupportive partners.

Justanothermanicfunday · 15/11/2023 06:06

This sounds awful for you OP, in what is an already stressful time! I would absolutely ask him to leave, I'd also maybe speak to the Staff and mention you want him to leave as well. Is there anyone else that can sit with you? DM or a close friend?

littlelizzard · 15/11/2023 06:13

If he is causing more harm than good, he needs to go. Even down to biology, you need oxytocin to progress your labour and doesn't sound like he's going to give you any of that! On a serious level I can't even imagine feeling like my "birth partner" is making feel like shit. Ask him to leave, get support from hospital staff, and give yourself the best chance at having the kind of birth you would like. Good luck and congratulations

TakeMe2Insanity · 15/11/2023 06:18

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/11/2023 20:55

This. What man would tell his wife to fuck off because she has boundaries about her own body? Awful.

Show quote history

Both of these!

WalnutBlue · 15/11/2023 06:19

Tell your midwife they will get him removed for you.
He sounds awful.

wokbun · 15/11/2023 06:22

Please let the midwives know you want him gone. I know you don't want to cause a scene but even if you don't normally stand up for yourself you have to stand up for your child and him being there isn't going to make the birth easier.

Original poster
suzie0999 · 15/11/2023 08:08

I finally managed to get him to leave.

I have just been sick and believe it is all down to stress.

He just would keep rubbing my belly, really in my personal space, I would rather just give birth alone.

I just wouldnt dream of arguing with someone who is about to give birth.

I am going to tell the staff not to let him back in.
I feel so much better with him gone.

OP posts:
pickledandpuzzled · 15/11/2023 08:19

Well done!
You need to really think about whether this is salvageable.
You are at your most vulnerable right now, and with a young baby. I’d be quietly making plans in case you need to leave.

Gowlett · 15/11/2023 08:24

I was so glad that no visitors (men) were allowed on the antenatal ward when I was being induced. It was COVID. Honestly, I felt like we were cattle. It’s all so undignified… I called my husband just before the birth, so he was there for that (EMCS).

AngelAurora · 15/11/2023 08:26

Oh my Lord just ban him completely, I personally could not be arsed with him, he sounds horrendous. Ban him off the ward completely, he ain't helping you he is annoying you. Good luck x

LightSpeeds · 15/11/2023 08:39

Good luck with the birth!! 😀

Spencer0220 · 15/11/2023 08:41

Yay op! So happy for you. Hoping birth will be smooth sailing now

TwoShades1 · 15/11/2023 08:44

He sounds very unpleasant and controlling! I thought this was going to the standard stuff like he’s trying to rub your back or eating a massive takeaway or telling you to breathe or relax or any other “helpful” stuff they start spouting at times like this.

MaggieFS · 15/11/2023 08:48

I'm glad you've got some peace and quiet now and can focus on yourself and the baby. Good luck!

MistyFrequencies · 15/11/2023 08:49

Cloverforever · 14/11/2023 20:58

This man sounds dangerous, its definitely not just your hormones.

I'm sorry you're having to put up with this at this stressful time.

Agree. He isnt safe. Leave him. As awful as thst is when you are just about to have his baby, i feel incredibly sorry for you.

Olika · 15/11/2023 08:53

Pls tell them not to let him back. He is making it so much more difficult for you. You can do it by yourself.

Ihatethenewlook · 15/11/2023 08:54

Fucking hell op. Good luck for the next 18 years. And I think ‘causing a scene’ is the least of your worries. The midwives will have dealt with this all before. You need to concentrate on preparing for this birth, not dealing with this abusive prick

Sicario · 15/11/2023 08:59

You're not married. Tell the midwives that you don't want him anywhere near you and that if he comes back or makes a scene, for them to call security.

Good luck with the birth.

sparklefresh · 15/11/2023 09:01

Has he always been this awful or is it just since you got pregnant?

Bluelightbaby · 15/11/2023 09:08

I’d ask him to leave permanently….he sounds awful and not someone id want to raise a child with !

Blessedbethefruitz · 15/11/2023 09:23

Good luck op! I always thought I'd want dp with me during birth (and he was for my first cesarean) but for my vbac, I realised after that I would have found him extremely annoying and stressful - and he's generally a good partner and father! He stayed at home with our little boy for anyone wondering.

Being alone in labour is so much better than being with the wrong person. And soon you're going to have a beautiful baby! I'd be weighing up my options down the line once in a headspace to do so.

Whiteday · 15/11/2023 09:23

OP, you just concentrate and you and the baby today, no one else matters. Good luck x

Catpuss66 · 15/11/2023 09:34

suzie0999 · 15/11/2023 08:08

I finally managed to get him to leave.

I have just been sick and believe it is all down to stress.

He just would keep rubbing my belly, really in my personal space, I would rather just give birth alone.

I just wouldnt dream of arguing with someone who is about to give birth.

I am going to tell the staff not to let him back in.
I feel so much better with him gone.

Tell the staff he told you to F off , they will make sure he doesn’t come back on the ward as he is being abusive.

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