How to make it clear to friend I'm not interested

53 replies

Fantasia99 · 14/11/2023 12:40

Without explicitly saying it?

I have a suspicion that my (f) friend (m) is interested in me, and it is making me uncomfortable. He hasn't explicitly told me so, but since he's learnt I'm single he has sent a couple of message telling me how lovely and wonderful I am, and has been quite persistent with going for coffee, going out etc. Most of the time I say no I'm busy, but he then asks politely for another date. It's just a gut feeling he's going to make a move. We both have children a similar age who get on, and our friendship has been based on 'getting the kids together'. I really value our friendship, but don't want to say 'look, I'm not interested in you in THAT way' outright in case I've just got this totally wrong. We're going out on Wednesday as a group of friends, he wants to give me a lift but I've said no. He's older than me which is also a bit uncomfortable. How can I make it abundantly clear that I'm not interested?

OP posts:

Original poster

Fantasia99 · 14/11/2023 22:10

WiIIowT · 14/11/2023 22:07

Or (crazy idea), OP doesn't actually have anything she needs to be honest about, as the friend hasn't actually said or done anything yet, OP just suspects something. So (crazy idea), that could really be embarrassing if she has the wrong idea, and the friend actually just thinks she's a wonderful friend.

However (crazy idea), if the friend came out and said hey OP I really fancy you, then being brutally honest is of course the right option.

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This is exactly how I feel. He's a pretty normal guy. Very respectful and kind. Just getting different vibes compared to in the past. I've been wrong before.

OP posts:

Loubelle70 · 14/11/2023 22:16

I had this.. twice... different men.. because im single they all try to get in there before anyone else can..i told both of them that i am not dating nor interested in a relationship...that i need time alone and that it's my time to look after myself instead everyone else.

sueelleker · 15/11/2023 07:59

SylvieLaufeydottir · 14/11/2023 21:08

You know what he wants. Come on. You know.

Don't do any of the stupid hinting that you have a date or don't want to date. It'll just give him an opening to "win you back" or "prove you wrong". The next time he asks you out, rip the plaster off. Tell him no, you don't want to, because you aren't into him that way.

He will undoubtedly bluster that he just meant as a friend blah blah blah. That is a wholly transparent lie. "Whatever you meant, this is making me uncomfortable so I don't want to do it at the moment."

Skip the "at the moment", or he'll wait awhile and try again.

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